As I approached Jacob's large house, I noticed a red BMW parked in front. I didn't recognize it, and I didn't remember anyone in his family owning one. Brushing it off and assuming that it was his brother's new car or a friend of the families, I slowly pulled my car behind the unfamiliar one. I turned off the engine and grabbed my purse, stopping to look in my rear view mirror at my makeup. I glanced at my watch; the hands read 7:48. I opened my door and stood in the now freezing air. Goosebumps covered my arms and legs as I hurried up the stone walkway and onto his doorstep.
I rang the door bell and stepped back to wait for someone to greet me. After a few moments, my eyes went to the drive way, where neither of his parents cars were parked. He must be upstairs and not hear me. I said as I let myself in. I walked in to the entrance hall, shutting the large stained glass and redwood door behind me. I was greeted with a rush of warm air that was welcomed by my cold nose and fingers. I heard the crackling of a fire coming from the living room, so I turned to go there. No one was their to absorb its heat, except the cats. Jacob and his family had 5 cats, and it was very amusing to see them all sprawled out and snoozing in front of the flames. I walked over and crouched next to Lance, running my fingers through his lush fur. All 5 cats were very large for house cats and their fur grew long, but was soft and warm. I heard the deep rumble of Jacob's speaker system that he cherished so much coming from the direction of his room on the second floor. I kissed Lance on the forehead and then began to creep up the stairs and turned down the plush white carpeted hallway. As I got to his bed room I door I breathed deeply and reached for the handle.
Suddenly, I heard a voice over the sound of his stereo system. Why not?
A voice that wasn't his. She wont know… ooo so you do want it.
It apparently wasn't male either.
I whipped open the door and was greeted with a scene that I could have lived without witnessing. Jacob, in only his red and gray boxers, was laying down a beautiful half clothed blond onto his bed. He began to kiss her neck as she giggled and held him closer. A tear formed as I saw him begin to remove her black satin bra. He looked up to throw it, and saw me in the process.
"JESUS… EMILY.. I.. UH..I" Jacob said jumping up and searching for his pants which had somehow ended up on his computer. He walked over to his stereo and flipped off the button.
"Who is this?" The blond asked, wrinkling her nose at me as she looked at me up and down. She made no attempt to cover her self, I noted.
"That's… UH, that's… UH" Jacob stammered, turning red.
"His GIRLFRIEND, now who the hell are you?" I asked putting my hand on my hip and glaring at the tramp that lay on my boyfriends bed.
"Girlfriend? Ohhhhhhh… so this is her. She isn't as fat as you described her…" The blond said, trailing off at the end of her sentence. Biting my tongue and trying not to let her get the best of me, I breathed deeply and focused my stare at the snake that stood in the corner holding his pants and his mistress's bra.
"Well, uh, well, you see… heh heh… its funny reall~"
"Somehow I don't find this amusing at all. Someone better start to answer some questions before I get even more enraged then I already am. Not that it is very possible, but try me. On second thought, DON'T." I said, trying to hold back the ball of fire that was building in my heart.
"Well, Emily, this is Marisa, Marisa, this is Emily." Jacob said as he began to scratch his head.
"Nice to meet you," Marisa said as she pulled on her jeans and stood to button them.
"Wish I could say the same," I said as I shot her a glance, "This still does not explain why I came in here to see my boyfriend… my boyfriend… lying down some bimbo onto his bed." I stammered out, choking on the tears that were formulating in my throat.
"Em.. It isn't like that… it… well… Marissa was here to help me on the paper and things got a little out of hand." Jacob said moving towards me after throwing Marissa's bra at her feet.
"A little out of hand? A LITTLE out of hand? Jacob, if I hadn't have barged in and broken up this little 'study group' you guys would have been at it like rabbits by now." I said waving my hands at the bed.
"What are you trying to say? That I'm a… a.. whore?!" Marissa asked as her eyes opened wider.
"Well, lets go over the facts, shall we?," I started, my voice thick with sarcasm, "You knew that he has a girlfriend, yet you still think that it is okay to sleep with him. Hmm, yes that makes perfect sense. And then when the girlfriend walks in on your little party for two, you make no attempt to cover your self and you are still sitting their half naked. Then, when she asks who you are, you say that she isn't as fat as he said. Make the situation a little worse, please. Actually, I don't think that you could. And you are asking me if I am calling you a whore? I think that you can figure that one out on your own. You sure figured out how to screw every guy in the school district on your own."
Surprised at my own hatred, I turned away from her. My eyes darted around the room, and my eyes began to brim with tears as all the small things brought a crash of memories back to me. I noticed the framed picture of us at the beach that sat on his dresser. I walked over to it and picked it up. I held it up and tried to remember the last time that we had been that happy together. The picture had been taken the last day of summer, when we decided to go to the beach to spend our last day instead of with our friends. I looked up and saw Jacob coming closer. I felt his strong hand touch my shoulder and try to turn me around.
"Don't touch me." I hissed threw clenched teeth.
"I'm going to go…" Marissa said. I turned to see her fully dressed and holding her backpack in the doorway.
As I turned my head back in the direction of the picture, I heard the click of his door being shut. I placed the framed memory on the desk and breathed deeply. I spun around to look at Jacobs chest. I brushed my hair out of my eyes and touched his shoulders. I ran my fingers along his hard chest, and stopped when I got to his heart. My eyes began to water as I thought of what to say to him that would convey to him how much he had shattered my entire life.
"I fell in love with a man who promised me the world, and delivered all he promised. Yet one thing that he promised was to love me forever. That he would be content to lye with me in his arms all day, and stay that way until we were both too old and too tired to draw in breaths. But what this man forgot was you need a heart to love. I feel your heart beating, I see life in your eyes, I feel the warmth of your skin. But your heart is dead… you are cold and hateful… your love for me has died like a withered flower. I'm not an idiot… I knew that it would end eventually. The one thing that hurts me the most is seeing our forever has come. Funny, your forever and the one that happened weren't exactly the same thing." I smiled with tears in my eyes even though I was secretly dieing with every word that I uttered further. I looked into his eyes and watched as squinted and turned his head to the side, one of the things that he does when he is upset and confused.
"Goodbye, Jacob. It was great. Actually, I'm not going to lie, these 13 months have been the best in… in my life. I loved you, Jacob, I sincerely loved you from the bottom of my heart. I am just sorry that I wasn't good enough for your love in return." I said as tears finally escaped and streamed down my cheeks in a heavy current. I kissed his cheek and turned to leave.
"Em, baby, wait. God, I'm sorry… things have been so screwy lately. I have been working so much and I want to have time for us, and I will make time. Give me another chance. This wont happen again. It was a mistake. Stupid guy hormones that were taking me over in the heat of the moment," Jacob said, walking closer and taking me in his arms, "I… I… I love you."
"No… Jacob… no… you made your choice. Be with Marissa. And don't tell me that you love me… don't 'Em' and 'baby' me." I said, pulling myself away from his welcoming arms. I wanted nothing more then to collapse into them. They were my safe guard, they were my comfort. But now, they were cold and barren. They weren't the loving arms that I used to yearn to feel around my body when I lay awake by myself late at night.
"But I don't want Marissa, I don't love her. I love you."
"You should have thought about that before you broke my heart." I stated, tears flowing from my eyes, "Goodbye."
I turned and walked silently out the door. I didn't turn to see what he was doing. I knew that if I turned back now that I would be lost. I needed to do the right thing, but my heart wasn't going to let me off that easy. I descended the stairs and let myself out.
When I got to my car, I glanced up and saw Jacob standing in his window, watching me get in. I turned away and pretended that I didn't notice, and that it didn't effect me that I had just gotten rid of one of the most important things in my entire life. I fumbled with my keys as I tried to see past the tears that were brimming in my eyes. After I finally let myself in and started to drive down the road, it hit me. Jacob and I are through… He isn't mine any more… who am I kidding… I didn't get rid of him. I cant get rid of him. I doubt that I will be over him in a while. As I drove on in silence I began to calm down. I don't need him to be happy. I was fine for 15 years of my life without him. I don't think that I need to be with him to actually be okay NO, I know that I don't need him. I am fine. I am alone…
I pulled into my driveway and turned off the engine. Flashes of all the times we had together went through my mind as I tried to calm down before I went inside. Suddenly, without warning, a tidal wave of emotions swooped threw me and I was left there, sitting in my car, crying and repeating his name over and over to the empty night.