Fun Force

Episode 1.02

-Delicious Satanic Sandwich

Written and created by Gabriel Ricard

CUE THE FUCKING THEME SONG!

In a world

Where milk and cookies

Mean nothing

A team stands by everyday

Ready to fight

Ready to bite

Ready to save the dayyyyy

FUN FORCE!

FUN FORCE

They're the super teammm

That's a super funky dreammmm

They live in a dumpster on giggles and fun

Always enjoying the damage that's done

FUN FORCE

FUN FORCE

They're the gang to watch

Like a foaming crotch

FUN FORCE

FUN FORCE

Now sit back

Relax

And enjoy…

FUN FORCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

FUN FORCE!

Opening at the entrance to the Fun Force's super secret headquarters….

"This is your home?" Rotten continued to keep an arm over her sizeable breasts, the arm did little to keep them from total view and Tiny pointed this out often until Rhea had threatened to cut off his tail and feed it to her ferret.

Gabe grinned and nodded with a little too much enthusiasm in regards to Rotten's statement, "Isn't it wonderful?"

"Wonderful is not the word I'm searching for right now."

"Don't worry," Flame-Chan threw her cigarette to the side and put her arm on Rotten's pale shoulder. "I still haven't found the proper adjective."

"It's awfully big to be a Dumpster," Rotten remarked stepping out of Flame's grasp and standing at the side of the door.

"It was like this when we arrived," explained Rhea lighting a purple cigarette. "Gabe won it in a game of Mario Kart. Since the majority of us refuse to work, it's all we can afford."

"It's really quite nice," Gabe interjected with glee, pushing Rhea and Rotten to the side and unlocking the door. He opened it and stood back, "Who's up for some Porno Burgers?"

"Porno Burgers?" Rotten was beginning to question the logistics of her earlier decision to follow these people home.

"Burgers made from cats." Tiny bobbed his head about. Flame-Chan and Rhea only gave a collective head shaking and walked in after the dog. Gabe motioned for Rotten to step inside and after a moment of silence, she did.

Immediately inside, Rotten found herself to be quite impressed with the inside of this four Dumpster penthouse. It was a horrible, foul smelling dive to be sure, but it was still a large step ahead of her expectations. Gabe had disappeared into the adjacent kitchen and was already in the process of beginning to make the lunch he had mentioned. Rhea had begun to dissect another cigarette and Flame-Chan had collapsed onto a couch, closing her eyes and contorting her face to send the message of wanting to be left alone. Tiny turned on the TV with his paw and also plummeted downwards. After a minute, Rhea turned to Rotten. "You wanted some clothes didn't you?"

"It'd be nice," Rotten stared at the ground. She wanted to ask Rhea for a cigarette but refrained, she found herself feeling uneasy around Rhea more so than the rest. Her mannerism was cold, as if she was holding back for some magnificent moment in which it would be proper to show a more human like style of feeling. She had seen Rhea annoyed, angry and furious but it wasn't the same to her. She couldn't place her finger on it but her emotions carried a cool nature to them and there was nothing else Rotten could deduce about it. Thinking about the entire idea made her head ache and she wanted to lie down. Instead, she followed Rhea across the grotesque gold carpet and up a flight of stairs that felt as if they were made out of cheese, which Rhea told her at the top, they were.

BACK IN THE KITCHEN!

"AIEEEEE!" Gabe's feminine screech of agony easily reached the living room, where a perturbed Flame-Chan lifted herself from the couch and walked into the kitchen.

"What now?"

"There's no Porno Burger patties!" Gabe had taken off his John Lennon glasses and seemed to be on the verge of tears.

"Oh dear," Flame-Chan rolled her eyes.

"I'd sell my soul to Satan for some fucking Porno Burger patties!"

Flame-Chan's eyes went from a state of sarcasm to widening. She then closed them and shook her head, "Bloody fucking hell."

"Did someone call my name?" The fridge door swung open amidst a cloud of thick, red smoke. From it emerged a man looking much like Gene Hackman.

"NO!" Flame-Chan didn't raise her head to greet this man.

"I think someone did," Satan smiled and folded his arms behind his back, turning to Gabe as if he were an old friend. "Will we actually do business today Mr. Ricard?"

"Um…No." Gabe took a step back as being in the presence of the Prince of darkness always made him a little ill.

"Oh…" Satan feigned disappointment, he was not surprised at Gabe's response. "Well you know where to find me if you need me. I always like visiting my friends."

"Bullshit!" snapped Flame-Chan. "You're only here because of that asinine fucking crush you have on me! And no I will not go to that god damn Jazz club with you so don't even fucking ask this time!"

This time, Satan really did express disappointment. He hated being so transparent. It seemed to be his unending curse. Certainly didn't help him during his challenge to the throne all those years ago. He stomped his foot in a move very unlike the mourning star. "AWWWW…please Shelly-Belly! Please!"

"NO! AND STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT!"

"Uncle Luke?" Everyone in the kitchen ended their engrossment in the situation and turned to the entrance to the kitchen. In the doorway stood a child in an old black funeral dress and Rhea, lighting herself a cigarette.

Flame-Chan adjusted her hat and turned to Rotten, "He's your uncle?!"

Rotten nodded, then shook her head and closed her dark eyes. "Unfortunately."

Satan's eyes beamed at the sight of his niece, "Rotten! My darling!" he walked over to her and greeted her with a vibrant kiss on the forehead, which caused Rotten to wince irritably. "How's your father?"

"Well after you bought him a fucking sun lamp for his birthday…"

"Oh yeah," Satan pretended to be surprised at being reminded of it. "It was just as well…the Dracula franchise was on it's last legs."

Gabe turned to Rotten, "You're father was Dracula?"

"Just stop," Rotten put a hand up to silence Gabe who amazingly complied. "Why are you here?"

"Why to see you of course."

Flame-Chan choked for a second, "Fucking liar."

Satan muttered and then turned away from Rotten and stood alongside Flame-Chan who in turn, moved two feet farther to the right. "Okay, okay…I'm here because…I'm in love." Satan despised ever having to admit to liking anyone. It made him feel like an adolescent.

"What happened to Aunt Rita?"

"I got tired of the whole Alzheimer's thing…you know," Satan paused to light a cigarette of his own. "I'd give anything to figure out how to keep that from translating to the journey to hell."

"Great…so I'm what? Eight hundred aunts down the road now?" Rotten scowled. Gabe had fallen against the fridge and had gone to sleep.

"Seven thirty four," corrected Satan. Missing number one twenty three as he said this. She had been a great cook.

"Bloody fucking hell." Rotten turned and stormed out, no one followed her though Gabe slid down the fridge and fell at the feet of the Lord of the dammed, who used Gabe's open, snoring mouth as an ashtray.

"I'll do anything!" Satan whined and continued to completely destroy any mystique he may have contained with those in the room that didn't know him very well.

"Fine," Flame-Chan's eyes moved towards the ceiling in blinding sarcasm, "Sell me your soul and I'll marry you."

Eight seconds later, Flame-Chan fainted at the words, "Deal." Rhea took it in stride, walking into the living room with Satan to help him plan the wedding.

Three Days Later…

"Gabe" Flame-Chan stood along his side in her room, wearing a necklace and nothing else to accompany it. "You've gotta get me out of this"

Gabe was more concerned with adjusting his brides maid dress, "How? You made a deal with the big Satanitco himself. There's no welching now."

"How the hell did I agree to a nude wedding?"

"You were fucked up on the heroin flavored smelling salts Rhea had in her purse," Gabe at last seemed pleased with himself and turned to face her. "You thought it was the greatest idea in the world at the time."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Flame flopped down onto her bed and rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger. "What times the wedding?"

Gabe looked up at the clock, "We were supposed to be there five minutes ago," he began to hum.

Flame-Chan gave an angst-ridden sigh, she rose up and looked at herself in the mirror, suddenly realizing that was pointless and exhaling deeply again, she flung the door opened and stepped out. Gabe reached over towards the table, grabbing his bouquet of flowers the faces of tormented, screaming souls on them and followed Flame-Chan.

The wedding was decided to be held in Gabe's room, as it was somehow the largest room in the house. A fact that annoyed both Tiny and Rhea to great lengths and was in fact, one of Rhea's specific reasons for hating Gabe as much as she did. Satan, still in his Gene Hackman shape stood at the head of the room, Richard Harris, the late actor and chosen pastor for the ceremony, stood nearby smoking a cigarette. Everyone saw that Gabe and Flame-Chan were present and got into position. Gabe locked his arm into Flame-Chan's and led her down the red carpet Tiny had stolen from Subway earlier. Once Flame and Satan were side by side, Richard began to speak. Gabe was the only one who had insisted on some kind of clothing and sitting in the audience as the only members in fact, were two winos Rhea had snatched up from going to Subway with Tiny. For a dollar each, they both had no problem doing a "tasteful nude scene" Rhea took this with a smile and had paid them beforehand.

Richard verbally tore through the proceedings in minutes, Flame had demanded a long ceremony but instead Satan's request for the whole thing to be over with quickly had won out and as he leaned forward for his kiss to seal the marriage, she felt horribly annoyed. She forced herself to lean in but before she could give him the briefest of kisses she was shooting for, Satan grabbed her and spun her around, leaning her down for the most passionate kiss the mourning star could manage. Her eyes were blurry to the point of being completely useless and her head was spinning. She didn't utter a word as Satan swept her into his arms and ran out the door giggling with joy.

"Well, I'm getting dressed now," Rhea somehow produced a cigarette and lit it, she glanced over to Rotten who had remained to the task of continuing to cover up as much of her nude adult form as possible. "Come on, I'll get you some clothes." The two left.

"So where's the party?"

Gabe threw his bouquet towards the winos who were dressing. "There is no party, well I'm planning to get two bottles of NyQuil and retreat to my room. Coming along?"

"Hell yeah!" Tiny wagged his tail and bounded next to Gabe. Richard followed with a great deal of discreteness.

The following day…

When he first stumbled into the living room with a bowl of Lucky Charms, Gabe had hardly noticed that Flame-Chan was sitting on the couch watching TV. He noticed her after several moments of only staring at the cereal. "So how was the honeymoon?"

"Don't ask," Flame-Chan shook her head.

"I..um…just did," Gabe became confused and went back to staring at his cereal.

"It's all over the Internet now anyway," she explained.

"Where is he?" Gabe swore to himself he saw a marshmallow move.

"Checking things out in the pit of fiery agony and general discomfort, apparently Tiny's due for a visit in the year 4029."

"And me?" Gabe snatched up the rebel marshmallow, a silent command of instant death was barked out through his mind as Gabe had always felt a psychic connection to Lucky Charms. He devoured it and threw the ball at the wall, he was finished. He lit a cigarette and leaned back, devoting full attention to Flame-Chan.

"Tomorrow apparently, though if you don't go to the movies you should be okay."

"Ah."

"Anyways, I've been trying to figure out for the past two days how to get out of this fucking nightmare. I..I just can't figure anything out! I'm only 18 and my single life is gone forever!"

"27," corrected Gabe putting out the cigarette on his arm and giving no indication he had even done this.

"Whatever, the point is…my life is now over."

"No it's not," Gabe replied, looking down at his empty bowl of cereal and shedding a tear.

"Do you have any helpful suggestions?" Flame-Chan's spat, her sarcasm obvious though she knew it would be lost on Gabe.

"Satan can't sell you his soul, he doesn't have one."

"See? Nothing my god damn life is o-say what now?"

"He doesn't have a soul, he tricked you. I didn't say anything for one simple reason."

Flame's eyes had grown to accommodate both Gabe's large head and the shock. "What was that?"

"This has been vastly entertaining to me. So, do I get some kind of reward for my assistance?"

Flame smiled, nodding her head. "Certainly Gabe, stand up to claim your reward."

Gabe stood up, his shoulders moving upwards repeatedly. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy, I've been waiting for this my entire life!"

"Unzip your pants and pull down your boxers please."

Gabe in response, tore both of them off and threw them through the window, somehow shattering it.

"Ready?"

"Dear god yes."

"Close your eyes."

Gabe closed his eyes quickly, but could do nothing about the smile he wore.

Flame-Chan brought her left leg back, as if preparing to kick something. She punted Gabe in the crotch, twice before he was able to fall to the ground. She leaned down, and smiled, though Gabe was concentrating on other matters and could not see it properly. "I'm off to save my life, I'll see you later." She giggled and skipped away.

"That…was incredible!" Gabe tried to smile but broke out into heavy tears instead. He still managed to smile through the sobs.

Mere minutes away!

"You…found out?" Satan released Tiny's head from the oven, Tiny fell onto his back, trying to flip over to his feet and failing at it. Instead, crashing into the refrigerator and running off.

Flame-Chan folded her arms, a wry smile spreading across her lips. "Of course I did, I'm not stupid."

"Well that is d-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Flame threw a nearby coffee mug for what she hoped would be a positive added effect.

"Come on now, I-"

"What the hell did I bloody say!?" she threw a pizza.

"Okay! Okay! So you found out, doesn't matter though cause you're my bitch now!" he poised himself to laugh in his evil mode tone, but decided now was not the best time.

"The hell I am you fucking fascist horn fucker!"

"Oh you most certainly are, I've waited years to have you! And now that I finally do…I'll be dammed" he succeeded in not laughing at the last part, which he usually did. "If you're going to change that!" he reached forward, scooping up Flame-Chan before she could react and flinging her over his shoulder. He cackled and put her to sleep with a wink, running out of the kitchen and through the door.

Gabe had regained enough of his vision and amazed at the opportunity to do what he had been wanting to do for months. Hit the alarm behind the television with his palm and ran outside, finding himself joined by Rhea and Tiny.

Outside…

"Stop right there foul villain!" Gabe hoped that would sound American enough to actually make Satan stop.

He had the advantage of slight distance ahead of the others, but didn't realize it and turned around, putting Flame-Chan on the ground softly. "Crimeany, are you actually going to try and stop me?"

"Damn right we are!" Gabe brought his sword out from behind him. Tiny bared his fangs.

Rhea lit a cigarette and yawned, she had been woken up from her nap and also had been hoping for Flame to be carried off by Satan sometime. "Whatever they said."

"Fine, fine. If I kill you all and send your souls to the pit of horrible, eternal flaming torment will you shut the fuck up?"

"Um…possibly," Gabe screamed his pseudo Japanese and charged.

Satan extended his right hand a minute before Gabe made it to him and caught him by the throat. Snapping his neck and ripping his head off, eating it for good measure and spitting it at an oncoming Tiny, igniting him into flames and then dust just as quickly.

Rhea turned to walk away, she wasn't up to the idea of dying today.

Satan teleported himself so that he would find himself directly in front of her. He gave her a karate chop stopping only an inch from her forehead. Bringing the hand back as Rhea fell to the ground in dozens of bite size pieces.

He clapped his hands together as if he was banging the dust from two elementary school erasers. "Now then, if I can go home."

"I don't think so."

"Son of a bitch…" Satan turned around to greet his niece. Rotten narrowed her scowl.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Well, my balls itch for one."

"I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!" Rotten stomped her foot. The vein near her left eye, sharper than anything else on her pale expression. "You always do this!"

"It's what I'm good at!"

"Put everything back NOW!"

"Or what?"

"I tell everyone about your…film career."

Satan's eyes fell, as did his jaw though only slightly. "You wouldn't dare. That was only four movies and they're all gone now!"

"Oh you'd like to think that wouldn't you?" the smile across Rotten's black lips spread. "I have copies and I also have Kazaa."

"You're just like you're blasted mother."

"You didn't even meet her!"

Satan produced a pack of cigarettes that had stopped being available on earth twenty years ago and lit one. "Well that is true."

"Put my new friend back and GO AWAY."

He sighed, "Oh all right, I guess I can do a solid for my favorite niece."

Rotten's eyes widened, "Am I really you're favorite?"

"Sure," Satan threw the cigarette to the ground, putting it out with a thin white laser from his left eye. He wiggled his nose and disappeared, promising to return later.

One Hour Later…

"What were those movies you were babbling about?" Rhea picked at her porno burger with a lit cigarette. "I was somehow still alive at the time and heard the entire thing."

"Oh, he did some work for Disney back in the forties. Walt had been looming with the potential of a hostile takeover of Hell and he got nervous, and sent himself into the company as a spy. Ever see Pinocchio?"

"I did! I did!" Tiny threw his entire burger in the air and lifted his head to catch it.

"Well he did the voice of that fairy chick, they pulled him at the last minute though. All the same, it brings new dimensions to that character, I'll show you sometime."

"So is Satan going to leave me alone now?" Flame-Chan whipped her burger like a frisbee at Tiny who had been eyeing it for several seconds.

"Probably."

IN HELL!

Satan pulled his foot out of Adolf Hitler's crotch, the spike at the end of his steel toe boot shining despite the blood coating it and moving downwards. "Not on your life! Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!"

Dante Hicks stepped from the shadows, tapping Satan on the shoulder. Randal Graves stood by his side, taking in the sights. "Boss?"

"What? you two are supposed to working the store today!"

"Stalin got out again. He's been stealing coffee from the store again."

"Oh fuck me up the goat ass. Here," he thrust his Stick of Doom into Dante's hand. "Watch pits four through seven B, I'll be back in an hour." He wiggled his nose and disappeared.

"I'm not even supposed to be here today!" Dante lamented this for the second time that day.

"Oh bitch, bitch, bitch. Come on, lets go throw rocks at Nixon."

"Works for me," Dante kept the Stick of Doom at his side and walked off with Randal.

End.

Sorry this took a ridiculous amount of time to complete, I had considered giving up on the series but hey, what fun would that be? Thanks for reading and watch for the next "thrilling" episode.