January 19, 2003

Sawasdeeka. ^_^ I tried to find better word to start my first day diary but later I ended up with this.

Sawasdee = Hello /Good bye

Sawasdee seems to be the fit word since it means hello in Thailand and I'm Thai. There's no need not to be proud of your custom. We have our language and why we can't use it.

Well, this is my diary. It all started when I was watching T.V then I - want - to - write -diary thought flashed to my head. It's just that.

And now when I start, I've got nothing to write down.

.. .. .. ... ... .. ... .. ..

... ... ... . . .. .. .. .. . .

... .. .. .. ... ... .. . ...

Well, I'd better try again tomorrow.

- SOM_O -

P.S. Many people want to write diary.

They do.

It's not just that.

It's easy to write diary. But it's hard to keep on writing.


January 20, 2003

I've got a quarrel with my friend, closet friend. I'm so bored with her childish behavior.

Whatever she wants I please her.

Do you think I was a fool? Please her all the time. No, I'm not. At first I do to shut her mouth up. And when it has the first time, it'll have the next time soon. Then I reach I - can - not - go - back stage.

This time I think I should stop all this shit thing. And let her know that I'm worth more than she thinks.

Well, I'd tried to stop many times, but I had no brave until today.

Do that Som and she will see.

My deep mind encourages me.

And I trust it.

- SOM_O -


January 21, 2003

I didn't speak.

So did she.

She tried to stop this by starting first, used her coolest tone with me. Like before I would have spoken. And later we could talk together again.

But this time, No.

What's on my right mind made me do that?

- SOM_O -


January 22, 2003

Stay in the same classroom.

Our tables close.

Our minds are apart far . . ..

Far away.

- SOM_O -


January 23, 2003

I'm nervous.

She's nervous.

72 hours passed by we still didn't speak.

Nobody knows that we're angry with each other.

They just wonder why we don't talk with each other.

What a good actress she is.

What a good actress I am.

With smiles, and making other things in normal.

Everybody thinks we just have nothing to say with each other.

- SOM_O -


January 24, 2003

In our dance class, I danced with a new partner, and left her alone.

She was a bit shocked at first then tried to find a new partner later.

I danced with my mind was somewhere else. I looked at her every five minutes.

And found that she was still happy or looked like happy.

At first I didn't think it could come so far. When I know I can't go back.

Another problem: Tomorrow I'll have special class with her together. I'm not ready to meet her alone.

- SOM_O -


January 25, 2003

I decided to see the movie instead of meeting her. She called for several times. But I ignored it. Thought that she would give up, but she didn't. I almost picked it up but then I realized that we couldn't go back and I should go on.

3 p.m.: I called my home and found that she'd called for me for several times. My mom asked what was going on. But I said nothing.

On my way back, I once realized that maybe she didn't call me because of her anger. But because of her love, because she cared about me, wondered why I didn't show up, feared that I could get hurt.

I felt the lump in my throat.

How nice she was.

I made her hurt but she still loves me.

I knew that it was too late. I couldn't go back.

I decided that tonight I would call my another friend, my trusted friend, to stay with her, to cherish her instead of me.

When I was back, she called again. I left it twice and picked up at third time. I could feel how worry she was. There was no anger in her sounds, all I could feel was her love.

Before I could say anything she told me that she wanted to stop this and we could start over or not.

I shot yes word right back.

Happy that it wasn't too late.

At that time I knew that I have the best friend in the world.

How lucky I am.

I promise to myself that I'll forget her black side, as I want her to forget mine too.

I'll keep our relationship long as I can.

Cause I know that opportunity never knock twice.

- SOM_O -

P.S. I've got many different emotions today:

Satisfy to dump my friend in the morning,

Very sad in the afternoon,

Happy in the evening,

And right now I'm sleepy.