160Leaping short prostitutes in a single bound! Able to out-sex a speeding bullet! More powerful than something, probably! Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!
It's irrelevant! But, that man on the bicycle over there, waiting for the stoplight to change, is Slut Man!
Yes, Slut Man – a mutant with sexual powers beyond that of a normal human. Possessing the qualities of the slut, Slut Man leads the fight against corruption, injustice, and the evil virginity. This is his story.
A story that begins inside the aged Library of the city of Swink, where a normal male librarian tends to his dust covered volumes.
To a person who has never been to Swink, it may seem odd to find a building of books as unoccupied as it was. But taken into consideration the very low literacy of the city's populace, the building's vacant rows were all too predictable. You see, while a relatively large percentage of its population was super heroes, Swink still had the highest crime rate in America. In fact, the lawlessness was so thorough that a resident would rarely drive the same vehicle twice. Banks stopped trying to guard their money, because the thieves would often make a considerable deposit the next day. Even the police seemed to think fighting crime was a battle that wasn't worth winning, as they rarely bothered to lock the prison cells.
In such a city, it was remarkable that a Library kept its doors open at all. But, Rick Watson, for one reason or another, managed to continue holding the most uneventful job the world has ever known. He placed the book he was reading back on the shelf, heroically.
"Another day, another book," he said to himself, "Nothing interesting ever happens to me. No one is even going to show up tonight! Stupid movies and their instant satisfaction! I have to talk to myself, just to keep the plot moving!"
But, this particular night, Rick was wrong. Someone did show up at that library. Someone evil beyond all human concepts, birthed from the devil himself, sent to destroy the minds of young children and adults alike. But, after Michael Jackson left, it was a pretty quiet night.
Meanwhile, in the Nuclear Research Facility across the street, a more interesting plot was being uncovered. Somewhere in the depths of this mysterious labyrinth, a scientist showed off his latest discovery to a group of his peers. His white lab coat drifted against the floor loosely as he turned and gestured to the many cages that lined the walls. The other scientists clapped excitedly.
"Through abundant scientific tomfoolery, my scientific team and I have finally accomplished the impossible. These months of dedicated hard work, endless ambition, and the random combination of ingredients like we knew what we were doing have lead to a very complicated contraption that has the ability to make people glow bright green. Just like in the movies!"
The scientists clapped excitedly. He continued, "Unfortunately, when used, the machine damages a subject, to the point where the person is neither living nor dead. The good news is these radioactive abnormalities actually seem to want to feast on human brains! Isn't that exciting?"
The scientists clapped excitedly.
"Yes, yes. I know. We also tried the device on lemons, discovering that it would make the delightful fruits explode! Several crates of lemons later, we realized how pointless our invention truly was. Our first human test subject was none other than my mutual sexual partner. A person could say it was an accidental mutation, in which I accidentally bumped the 'on' button while she stood in the way of the beam, but only in the most technical sense. I had her consent to turn her into a zombie. I'd show you the papers she signed, but they were lost… In a tornado… and… Excuse me. Is something amusing?"
A short, pudgy scientist stepped forward from the crowd, giggling nervously, "Dr. Schrödinger, the guys and me, we were just noticing the fact that the cage you just pointed at was said to contain your altered sexually partner, and the person within is male. Something I found humorous."
"Yes. That would be an odd way for me to come out of the closet. But, look more closely, and you will notice that there is a woman in that cage and… Wait a moment! Gasp!" He had turned to face the occupant of the cell. It was, in fact, a man!
The security guard was laying on the bottom of the cage face first. He woke up, and slipped around in the puddle of his own drool that had gathered on the metal floor of the confined space.
"What happened!?" demanded the scientist.
The guard wiped his face with his wet shirt, "The girl 'n this here cage wanted out, so I let her go."
The scientist was shocked, "What? Why?"
"Um… Whelp, she offered me sexual favors in exchange for her freedom. The sex was all right. Very painful, but still worth it, in the end. Puppies are funny." The guard collapsed back into his puddle, mumbling something about needing to go to the hospital.
The scientist did not hear his murmuring, however. He was in a dumbfounded trance that was brought on by what the guard had just told him. His expression wilted as he forlornly uttered to himself, "She… she told me I was the only one she could ever love… That… That slut!"
The scientists clapped excitedly.