"Braaaains!" said the poor radioactive cliché, as green goo dripped from her mouth and sizzled away on the floor.

"The medical books are in the back," Rick naively replied, hardly lifting his reading gaze. The green glowing monster eyed his cranium hungrily. Then, she turned away and shambled through the neatly organized aisles, only to return with a couple of books an hour or so later.

She plopped the books onto our hero's desk with a thunk, and he quickly took them up, still reading with his free hand, "Let's see, what have we here? Oh… Hello." His eyes met hers. Her long hair was grey with dirt. Green eyes glowed between black eyelashes even brighter than her blistering skin.

Rick forced himself to look down to the books, "Hmmm, The Brain Cookbook and Eating Librarians for Dummies? Eating Librarians for Dummies? That's a... great choice," Rick cleared his throat, nervously. Not because he was frightened, but because it was the first time he'd talked to a female that wasn't his mother in months, "You are… new… Whew. Is it hot in here? No? Anyway, I… I read these books. I'm well read… smart… house trained, you know. Heh heh-"

His uneasy chortle was interrupted when a blister popped on the woman's face, sending out a neon-green liquid that burned when it touched Rick's skin.

"Ow! Ow! Get it off! Get it off!"


Our hero wiped his face frantically with his sleave, trying desperately to regain his usual pathetic demeanor, "Oh! Oh, don't worry about it. I can't stay mad at you. In fact, I liked it. Yeah. Please don't leave." He looked down at his shoes, "Say, you don't happen to have a library card, do you?"


"I didn't think so. It's been years since I've issued one. That's okay, I have the forms here." Rick fumbled through some papers, pulling out a stapled form, "Could you give me your first name?"




"Same first name as last. Also, the only word I've ever heard you say. You are quite the interesting person."

"BRAAAAINS!" Mrs. Brains was apparently angry. But, the Librarian went on unfazed.

"Phone number?"


"Okay, so that's 272-2467? Would you mind if I... You know... Gave you a call sometime. I don't go out very often, but we'd surely have a good time if we did. I mean... if you said yes. I mean, look at us, we're getting along like two peas in a pod. We're perfect for each-"

"BLOORGRADA!" The lady screamed as she jumped up and over the desk, launching an attack at our poor hero's head. This startled Rick, who fell backwards, sending the form and his pen against the wall behind him. His tumble threw off the monster's aim, and the radioactive bite that was meant for his head landed safely on his crotch. Rick squealed in pain, heroically.

This could have been the end of our hero. But, before the monster could finish him off, a shot rang out. Soon, the woman's radioactive jaw loosened its radioactive grip, and she fell onto her radioactive back.

Through blurred vision, Rick watched as his mysterious savior left into a foggy sunset, with the door slamming behind him. Soon, Rick had passed out from all the pain and excitement, knowing little of his exciting fate.

When he woke up, everything would be different. His life would no longer revolve around the release of the latest fantasy novel, and he would no longer have any trouble keeping a narrator awake. He… would be Slut Man.