~*Funiculi, Funicula*~

O consider the university student's plight
Sleeping all day and up all night
Living on Kraft Dinner and beers and cheers
Fending off gropers and lecherous leers.

Woe to the student who swears not, nor drinks
Far worse for the student who actually thinks
Of dangers, of worries, of the evils of ale
For these kids, you might hear them wail:
"O wherefore art thou, o friends of my heart
When the sun goes down and the boozing does start
Wherefore those upstanding citizens, nowhere in sight
Once Ollie's bar opens for the night?"

It seems once in university, the student with straight A's
Becomes quite a myth, concerned now with ways
To get fake I.D., to "expand" all their mind
To know where the best smokes and sex one can find.

O give me peace, and sleep, and rest
And let me pass tomorrow's test
O help me resist the strong temptation
To indulge in each vice throughout this duration.

That I could be among the few
Who through the year do fly right through
Who party 'til dawn but make the Dean's List
Who write brilliant essays while absolutely pissed
To the university student's life, I raise a toast
We know how to party and live life to the most!