This was an analysis of why I hate Valentine's Day (or as I like to call it Cheese Day) but it just kind of snowballed from there. It's more of an analysis of why I'm alone now. And it was excellent closure to get over a crush I had.
Rainy Days and Mondays
I walked into the room first seeing a large window with a window seat and then a bookshelf and desk to my left. There was a large armchair and green sofa in front of me with a coffee table to the side. There was also a wardrobe to my left and next to the door was a hat tree with a various collection of hats, coats and umbrellas. I stared around the room and looked outside. There was a light drizzle coming down outside, echoing on the window pains and pounding on the barren sidewalk. The trees clawed at the building and I heard the CD player spring to life and begin playing.
Talkin' to myself and feelin' old Sometimes I like to quit Nothing ever seems to fit Hangin' around Nothing to do but frown Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
"The sure do," I whispered to myself as I stared at the deserted street, once filled with passers by. It was a very rainy Monday morning. I begin to whisper the words to the song as it went, "What I feel has come and gone before No need to talk it out We know what it's all about Hangin' around Nothin' to do but frown Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down." I uttered another sigh.
Then, with much difficulty, I turned away from the window and walked across the room. "Well," I said to myself, sitting in the high back red armchair facing the window, "why did you come here today?"
I walked across the room over to the window and lay down on the vile colored green couch and looking as the ceiling. There were 30,000 dots on the tiles. I had counted them on many previous visits to this room. They were all named Bob. I looked over at the currently vacant armchair and began, "It's just that…well, rainy days and Mondays always get me down. So does love and life and people who I love. Why do you think this makes me feel this way?"
I walked back over to the red chair and looked back at the vacant sofa saying what most therapists say, "I can't tell you what's wrong in your life or why you're alone. Why don't you tell me what you think is wrong."
I walked back over to the couch with the music still resounding in my ears. The song had changed. I'll say goodbye to love No one ever cared if I should live or die Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by And all I know of love is how to live without it I just can't seem to find it. So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone And though it's not the easy way I guess I've always known I'd say goodbye to love. "Well if I knew what was wrong I wouldn't have come here to talk to myself in a feeble attempt to find out what is wrong," I stated rather rationally, "because if I knew what the hell was wrong with me do you think I would be reassuring my insanity by talking to an empty chair and a window?" Then the world began to swirl around me like I was on the Tilt-A-Whirl at the carnival as I looked uncertainly at the red armchair.
"I think I know what's wrong," began a voice from the desk in the corner. It was a small child dressed in a daisy printed sundress with a straw hat and red helium balloon tied to her left wrist She was sitting on the desk and her sandal covered feet dangled off the edge. She was smiling and looking at me when she said, "You're sad because you're alone. And," she began in a very matter of fact attitude, "you are alone because you never knew how to have a good time. You could never have fun or enjoy life. That's the reason you're alone and nobody loves you. That's what's wrong with you; you can't have fun. If you did that once in a while everything would be fine."
"I disagree," began another voice from the window seat. They were my friends David and Jessica, standing up and walking over to the other chair, picking up a glass of water at the side table. "If anything, she has too much fun. She's not responsible enough and she doesn't know what to do with her life. She has no direction and no goals. That's why she's alone and will always be alone. And that's why she will never amount to anything."
"SHUT UP," I yelled. You sound like my grandfather.
"See I think she's alone for a completely different reason," came the voice of John from the bookshelves. I had not seen him in the longest time and he was unchanged since the last time I saw him. "She's alone because she's too perfect. We need to mess her up a little bit so she can get someone to be with. If we do nothing she will be alone until her dying day."
"That's not at all true. If anything, she fucks up everything she ever does." This was Scott that had said this as he walked over to where I was sitting from the hall and hung is coat on the hat tree. Everyone looked at him oddly and he fidgeted as if wanting everyone to agree with him. He stuttered, searching for words before adding, "Plus she's fat!"
At that they all nodded as I walked over to the armchair and sat down. "Folks we're not here to debate what is physically wrong with her. She can do that at a gym or anywhere where there are real people. We only have a short amount of time to figure out what is mentally wrong with her."
"But I thought she wanted to know what was wrong with her?"
"We know there are many things wrong but we are focusing on this aspect today." I tapped my temple three times. "We can concentrate on the others tomorrow or the next day. Right now, what is mentally wrong with her so that she is alone?" I walked back over to the sofa and lay down. "What do you think is wrong with me Jake?" I asked the group that was walking in from the adjoining room.
"I don't really know what's wrong with you. And why the hell are you asking me? I haven't even known you for that long." He made a motion to sit down in the red armchair.
"That is the doctor's chair," I said rather rationally and everyone else nodded in consent. "You have to sit elsewhere."
"I take that back. I know what's wrong with you and with all of you. You're insane and that's why you're alone."
Everyone began to close in around me still speaking in a rational manner when I heard another voice from the window seat, "You know mom always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get."
"You're right Forest," Scott began picking up a piece of chocolate from a box and looking at it. "Once in a while you'll be lucky and get toffee or truffles." He took a bite and made a sour face as if he had swallowed an entire twist of lemon. "But most of the time you get fucking coconut."
"Doesn't this tip you off" asked Jake, "that she is just a little bit crazy? I mean, there are fictional characters in her fantasy for God sakes."
"All things happen for a reason in life. Nothing is a mistake," began a man sitting beneath a tree that had grown out of the window seat. "And we are in no way shape or form fictional."
"Oh my God I have gone insane," I whispered to myself as I walked over to the bookshelf. "I mean I'm talking to Forest Gump and Buddha. The next thing I know Santa Clause and the fucking Easter Bunny will be walking through the door." I stared over apprehensively and was relieved when no one came. I went over to the bookshelf and looked through pulling the books out one at a time. "Oh this story is nice," I said flipping to the last page. "And the lived happily ever after. What kind of trash are you trying to put in my head? Now this," I said picking up another book, "this is a true love story. It has sadness and death showing that when you leave love behind you, you can never go back for it. And, it's one of my favorite books of all time. Fitzgerald's work has always touched me deeply."
I picked up the tome and hurled it at the CD player but it kept working. "And can't we turn off that damn music. This song is driving me insane. You should know I hate country music."
Everything I want the world to be Is now coming true especially for me And the reason is clear It's because you are here You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation And the only explanation I can find Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around Your love's put me at the top of the world.
"But we have this song for a reason," I said as I walked over to the red armchair. "And it would not be playing if you had not chosen it. Now can we please get down to business and solve this problem? I haven't heard from you today," I said pointing at Peter, "what is wrong with me?"
"There's nothing wrong with you. You're just yourself and that's been your mistake. The reason you are alone is because you are yourself." That was the worst thing he could have said to me then. Those other things I could have changed but I was just myself.
"Is that true doctor?" I asked as I lay back down on the sofa. "Am I alone because I am just myself and I can't help that?"
"I'm sorry," I said sitting back in the red armchair and crossing my legs, "but our time is up."
Then the world dissolved and I was alone once again, sitting at my computer desk.