Chapter 1 The Arrival

In the hot sweltering land of Death Valley, a small caravan of travelers have ran out of gasoline and are dehydrating quickly. As the night falls hours later, these journeymen seem weary and delirious. When it seems all hope is lost, a mysterious man shows up riding on his slick dark horse, his silhouette glistening majestically as if painted upon the moon. With most of the journeymen asleep, and those awake delirious, the figure rushes to their aid, leaving gasoline and plenty of water, as well as a hand full of used pornography(no.I 's just white yogurt!)..for the travelers when the awoke. In the morning light, where they preceded to wake their fatigued bodies, they realized their great fortune and could still see the faint tracks of the saint who had saved them. They quickly rushed into the caravan and followed the tracks, but after a few miles of driving, the wind came up more then the men reading the pornography, and the tracks disappeared without a trace of man or horse. They had come and gone in the midst of the darkness of the night, and now left the travelers questioning the brave man's identity, as well as why he had saved them. Meanwhile, back in Upstate New York, Felipe arrived on Flight 301. His courage was evident on the flight, as it was his first time flying, and he only wet himself two times. He continued on his courageous plight by walking over to his luggage, where he was met by a pale, skinny man. This man, with his unibrow seemingly leering at our intrepid hero like a snake on a large of a man talking to Felipe. "Ohla, my friend.. Cadence. I am your(pointing his finger into his chest, pushing the mighty Felipe backwards, where he preceded to trip over a small bottle of Jones preceded to cry heroically).I'm so sorry Mr. Felipe(helping him up). I am your translator", Cadence spoke so gangly that even Felipe wondered if he had secretly been sent to someplace much more demonic than New perhaps? Yet, this was no time to question the man's true nature. In fact there was no time for anything, as his translator would not stop asking questions of our hero. "Hey, why don't you have more luggage?" "Why do you guys eat so many tacos?" "Why don't women like my pale sausage of fury?" Since none of these questions were answered, Cadence began to realize he may have to do what he feared ! He decided he would first ask Felipe one more question in much more slowly. As he put his arms out and preceded to run around our savior, making some motor sounds with his lips, he asked his question with less seriousness then a Jewish clown at a All You Can Eat Barmitsfa. "Felipe..thhhrrrpp...how was the thrrrrrrpthrp..plane..thrprp..flight?" After about 3 full minutes of Felipe studying Felipe's weird Warrior of Frenchism finally prepares a reply. "." "." "."

"." " wee wee" Cadence stops running notices a small crowd has gathered, even a Ghandi-like monk is laughing at this translators way of work. Cadence grabs Felipe by the hand and begins to whisper in his ear with a blushing smile, "So the plane ride was good, huh?" "No," Felipe replied",..on.(putting arms out).ze plane.I wee wee." Cadence looks at him notices the large damp stains running down Felipe's crotch. "Oh.I see. Well 're off? Donde tu quienes va?" Felipe looks at him questioningly. "I ?" Cadence takes out his Spanish Dictionary and looks through it. After paging through gives Felipe a questioning look. Suddenly his thought clear. That tan suave aura of charm. The lack of man was not was French! "God dangit!.stupid translator service.I knew I couldn't trust those bastards." Felipe watched as Cadence grabbed his things and walked out of the jungle of people. Suddenly.a feeling of loneliness crept over Felipe like never before. He went over to his luggage, picked up his knapsack, and began to walk away from the baggage compartment. As he walked, he suddenly came upon a giant staircase. But this was no ordinary one moved! Felipe stood in awe as he watched dozens of people use this wonderous work of art. As he .he felt a sudden sense. This was no spider sense my friend. No..this sense was much more was the greatest sense of fear and urgency. It came upon him quicker then a turtle on fly paper.a Ninja Turtle on fly paper. It was none other then.a cringe.a cringe of
DIARHEA (DUN DUN DUN)

Felipe had never felt such a sense of fear. His knowledge of this land was not he had no idea where to look for the bathrooms. Suddenly he had an idea only a hero of superb caliber could intellectually whip up. He suddenly pulled down his wet trousers, and ran to the nearest downward escalator, where he let out all of the evil that has burdened man for so many years. As his fortuitist feces whisked down the escalator away from our hero, and many of his followers gave him awkward was pleased. His pain was now smell lingered. Maybe it was that smell..maybe it was that he needed to maybe the dampness in his pants. Or maybe, just maybe, he noticed the screaming security guards scurrying towards him with a look of disgust and just plain displeasure upon their faces. Whatever it suddenly had the urge to escape from this Aviation Alcatraz of sorts. He quickly grabbed his pants and ran as fast as he he tripped over his then remembered to pull them escaped through the nearest window. He landed, awkwardly, in the back of a truck carrying some very suspicious looking plants. He took one of gave it an awkward look. Noticing a box of matches at the back of the truck, our hero concluded to light one of the plants and figure out if it was a force of evil. After lighting it about twenty minutes of "investigating".Felipe looked around to see that he had been whisked away to a land of French Toast. He jumped out of the truck and danced cinnamon syrup pouring down from the sky. He suddenly jumped into what appeared to be a hole. Inside, the cinnamon continued to pour much more he was in a river of syrup. He drank though goo and let it run through his mouth, savioring every minute of then saw some old brown French toast in the ate it with great voracity. After gorging himself in life's pleasure, he crawled out of the river to what appeared to be a beach. There were small hamsters around Felipe contently went to two days later.
He awoke..
Terribly hungover.
On the side of a in rats. He surveyed his area. The dark green muck all around him. The brown smudges around his turned slightly and saw his "River of Syrup". The sewage had a smell that rivaled only that of Felipe's ex girlfriend, Ralph. As Felipe the have been some sort of source of evil. But how would this affect his adventures?.Would he ever realize what the plant truly was?.Where will our hero travel next..only time will now Felipe, only, and discover why he was sent to this we will uncover more of this man's past..hopefully maybe a little some day.
The End of Chapter 1..if you didn't if you didn' you stupid..stupid.