Originally written for a clas project, but revived just in case anybody had any idea what we were talking about. It'd be handy to have a copy of the original script around, though.

Brutus: Bruttilibum Bixles

Antony: Tony

Cassius: Cassius McBrown


Act III, scene ii: The Funeral Speeches



Far far away in a land filled with gods

There once was a city called Romenopoliswod

It's full name was Romenopoliswod-gilligergallingerpilligerporter

But they called it Rome just to make the name shorter

And in this city with the fluberguligus name

There once was a man putting the Senate to shame

His name was Jilloodul Caesaro Caezim

His plans ended up getting a Hoosle stuck in him

Suppose, just suppose, my fantabulous friends

What poor Jilloodul might have done in the end

If Brutillibum Bixles and his cohorts a-scheming

Wouldn't have plotting his death so unseeming


Citizen 1:

And so Bruttilibum jumps on the stage

To tell us the cause of the conspirator's rage!



People of Romenopoliswod


I know you've all come to hear of my side

And to tell you the grungly way that Jilloodul Caezim died

Well, I know that amongst you, there's talking of lies

But I'm saying I loved him as much as the next guy

And if there's any Bob Dick or Harry to doubt me

Or George, or a Harold, or a Jimmy Jo Sally

Then up here let's boot 'em to speak of the ills that they've carried

'Cuz I loved Rome more than a plate full of Bungledung Berries


Citizen 2:

Bungledung Berries; a rare delicacy, those

Whoever likes 'em can't be as bad as I first supposed



And leaving Jilloodul Caezim in charge of your life

Why, that's ever so muchly a path filled with strife

For wouldn't you rather have the Senate keep pace

Than be in poor Jilloodul Caezim's place?

'Cuz it's so muchly worse having a dictator around

When you could have fellows like Cassius McBrown

Though he was a frood of a guy, that old Jilloodul Caezim

He wanted too much; aren't you glad it was him?

Jilloodul and me were the best bestest of buddies

But for Rome I got his best robes all torn and bloody!


Citizen 3:

Three Billibong Whoopers for Brutillibum Bixles!


Citizen 4: For us in his best friend a Hoosle he did stickle!



Gee golly ginkers, the time goes by faster

Than a Three-Tailed Shlippledonk near an explosive disaster

Well, I leave you all be; you've all been just peachy

And now to let twee Tony come and read his little speechy



People, listen up with your Boomingbangers, your Mega Hornhollers

Let me see your Ampliphonic Earzoomers with their oddly-shaped collars

I've come here on this hollering blue blubbered day

To tell you fine folk what I have to say

For that great high and mighty man, Brutillibum Bixles

Caezim's heart with a Hoosle he most justly did tickle

But listen!

Through your Bagbopper Lobestoppers, hear my cry

Don't forget the reason that Caezim died

Was because that great Bixles, that frood of a guy

Ran a Hoosle through his chest; now ask yourselves why

Caezim probably seemed eager to expire

With the things all his talking and squawking inspired

By the Great Hooveryahooer! He was planning to drop

The patronage system that we've all come to adopt

Who in their right minds could have possibly thunk

That Bruttilibum would let Caezim get away with this junk?


Citizen 2:

Well spliffer my sloffer and clog up my Klikkerdigs

It seems that old Caezim had a few splendifers in that head of his



And look at the calamorous unglamorous evidence here

But remember Bixle's honourable deed before you start to cheer

For the Senate offered Caezim the Glimmerous Grackerous Groat

The Key to the City! The Crown to the Throne!

A higher stature in this wondergliferous place

Could not be attained by a lesser man's face

But still old grunkling gruntbuggling Caezim

Chose the crawling and bawling and bifferous din

Of the underbunklers and the hooversnifflers

And other riff-raffing pifflers

And chose to grinkle himself down

Amongst the lower people of this figglerous town

What kind of a man, all noble and suching

Could think of giving up such a prized thing?


Citizen 1:

Glabbers and glonkers! Tony's spoken the truth

Caezim was as humble as a Brakington No-Tooth!


Citizen 3:

By Saint Biggleton Boggle, there's been a mistake

How could Caezim not be the one to dictate?

What we could have had if his fate had been differed

Well, I think that my anger's been quite rightly miffered



And let it be known all over the city

That Bruttilibum did what he did without mercy

For piffling sniffling wormsnakes he killed

To save the Romans from their own murderous free will

And speaking of wills, there's one in my pocket

Should I read it having pluck tucked it right out of his closet?

And besides, this paper is filled with dangers

If I read it, it may pop the top lid off your anger!


Citizen 2:

I'm here to tell you what absolute rot!

There's nothing there that could make us feel what we're not!



Splendiferous friends, there's no need for alarm

But for glimmerous Bixle I wish him no harm


Citizen 4:

Glimmerous Bixle and McBrown indeed!

It's them who should suffer for this ignoble deed!

With wafflers and squawkers and smooth talking louses

Upon them we'll drop and then burn all their houses



If this is your wonkwinkling passion unleashed

Then I fear that it's only for Caezime you must weep

For it was that guy who refused the Grackerous Groat

And for his glamglorious actions he was slit in the throat



Free tripling bang boomers for Tony and 'Zim

'Till he reads out the will we'll make way for him!



I am but a poor soul lost in the hills of WinkWonkoo

Who's friend was stabbed gorily at the base of his statue

Bluffering boringly most boring of speeches

But Bixle over there can give words extra reaches

And if I were to be stuck in a pair of his shoes

Why, I'd rise up for Caezim's commonplace views

Too bad I'm Tony, so small and useless

It's only for Caezim that I'm here with the newses

And here, here's the will that I'm willing to read

So listen up with those EarZoomers and take extra heed

Good old Caezim up there has given you guys a share

Of his place and his riches; I'd say that's pretty fair

Considering all the great stuff this guy's done

You'd think that one Caezim'd still be here 'stead of none!


Citizen 5:

He's got brains in his head and feet in his shoes

And he's saying Caezim woulda given us the power to choose!


Citizen 3:

There's wind in our sails and it's huffing and puffing

Tony the sail huff-puffer ain't bluffing



So parting and clapping and whooshing and rapping

Flippering, flappering, down the stage Tony was going

And the crowds went wild! What a trememdulous sight

It was when the Romans decided to fight

And off they went going, and off going they went

To find hapless poets on their vengence to vent

And houses to burn down and traitors to kill

And as far as I know, they're off rampaging still.


I know it sucks, but hey, it was a school project! Please review.