9Setting various places in ancient Greece and other Asian countries. 336 BC
Olympia- So were very clear on this right? Your gonna kill my husband Phillip?
Hit Man- If I may my lady, why do you want him dead?
Olympia- Uh! The impudence. If you must know I want my babsy wabsy Alexander to be king, oh and I'm sick of being 1 of 7 wives.
Hit Man- right me lady. *Enter Phillip The Second, room silences
Phillip- so what were you two talking about?
Olympia- Oh, nothing
Hit Man- no sir, certainly not plotting your death or anything
Olympia- great dolt *Gives signal arrow is fired Phillip is dead. *Enter Alexander *Exit Hit Man
Alexander- Oh, my king. er, umm father
Olympia- your father is dead
Alexander- YES! YES! The thrown is mine!, I mean NO! NO! Not daddsy!
Olympia- be strong my son, you have much to endure
Alexander- like what
Olympia- that Is your decision, however here is a handy little to do list I, uh your father had. *View the "to do list" make son pharo and name a city Alexandria after his feminine side take over Persia take over India take over Babylon
Alexander- mother, when we've done all this I would like an empire that would combine Europe and Asia
Olympia- No one likes an overachiever
Alexander- yes, but.
Olympia- no buts dear, now your father left you a vast fearless army for your 20TH birthday, but don't expect them to go past the Indus River.
Alexander- why not
Olympia- I don't know I guess its womens intuition. Now out you go. I guess I'll just have to sit here and take over as queen of Pella while you probably kill yourself. *sigh* woe is me.
Alexander- fear not mother I'll leave my lover *cough sputter* er brother in arms, Antipater to rule
Olympia- oh really no need, Don't bother
Alexander- no bother *Hugs and kisses mother just a little too passionately *Cut to Alexander on battle field with his army
Random Soldier- Hey baby how you doin'
Alexander- uhh okay, we are going to take over the world. *Evil laughter insues
Middle Aged Solidier- So uh, me and the boys were wondering if you were um ya know
Alexander- What?
Middle Aged Soldier- Well your father was
Older Soldier- and your grandfather was before him
Alexander- was what!
Entire Infantry- GAY!
Alexander- I think I need a drink *Alexander goes into tent and starts writing his mother *View letter
Dear mother, I miss you dreadfully. I have a question, was daddy gay? The men seem to think he was. Mother I might be gay as well. I'm very confused and seed your counsel. Sincerely, Alexander *Messengers arrive to take the letter *Messengers wink flirtily at Alexander *Alexander pours himself another drink when he turns around there is another messenger and a woman
Alexander- that was quick
Messenger- yeah, alright *Hands Alexander note *View note Dearest Alexander, Iswear to the Gods I will not have them make a pretty boy out of my only son. I have sent a voluptuous woman with whom you can fornicate, marry, and bear children{in that order} Enjoy. Love, Olympia Alexander- *sighs* The things I do for my mother *cough*
Woman- Hello, my name is
Alexander- of no importance
*Authors note: Alexander went on to rule basically the whole world. He did have {male} lovers and an affair with his mom. He got married to two different women and had one chilld. He had malaria and got really wasted one night. This killed him at the ripe age of 33. After his death his retarded half brother Arrhidaeus took over. Olympia may have had killed him as well. Olympia reigned for about two months. Here ends the tale of Alexander the Great and Olympia.
Hope you liked it!