Warning: Slash, language, sex.
Disclaimer: See chapter one.
AN: Okay, this chapter is different from the others. One, it's in Matt's POV. Two: I somehow wrote it in present tense. Eh, I like it anyway. Although, I might change this chapter by the time I put up the epilogue. Maybe I'll be able to get inside Jaisyn's head then. Matt's thinking is a bit disjointed, somewhat kooky, and he likes to ramble. The italics are conversations between Jaisyn and Nathen. First section, Jaisyn then Nathen; second section, Nathen then Jaisyn. Anyways, enjoy Matt's ramblings.
Thank you to all my reviewers and readers.
what's left of yesterday
"You're not supposed to be here."
"Couldn't help myself, couldn't stay away."
"But I wanted to do this by myself, without you."
"I wanted to confront him by myself. I didn't want you to be here. I thought you understood that when I basically ordered you to stay at my place."
"Just fucking let go of me, okay?"
"Don't, okay? Just don't. I don't want you to touch me and frankly, right now, the sight of you makes me sick."
"I don't want to hear it. God, I can't do this!"
"I asked you to do one simple little thing and that was to stay away, to let me do this on my own and you couldn't even do that. I practically begged you, pleaded with you. God, of all people on this fucking planet, it was you who I expected to actually listen to me. What, did you come over to see if you could kick his ass some more? Maybe put him in the ICU this time? Did you want to inflate your ego some more? I wanted, no, I needed to do this without you. I can take care of myself, you know."
"You're not in the greatest condition to do anything if that's what you think."
"Well, you're partially to blame for that, aren't you? You and your 'fuck now and ignore that fact that he's crying' attitude."
"If you'd told me you were hurting-"
"You didn't give me the fucking chance to! You just grabbed me and fucked me. I was crying, Nathen, fucking crying. Do you even know how much you hurt me, both physically and emotionally? Or even how much I was hurting to begin with? Did you even think to ask why I screamed?"
"Look, I know what I did and I'm not proud of it. You make it sound like I am; that I'm proud of what I've done to you. I've apologized, said I was sorry so many fucking times. Why bring it back up now?"
"You brought it up, you know, my condition and everything. If you wanted to fuck someone so bad, you could've gone somewhere else, paid for it even. I would've cared just as long as you didn't fucking rape me. I did say no, Nathen, said it many times."
This day has been nothing short of weird. No, week. Week sounds better. This week has been nothing short of weird, too many things falling into the odd category to make it even remotely normal. But then again, anything concerning me is not normal. So, this week has just been fucked-up. There, that works.
How did it all start?
First, Nathen finds some kid with tattoos and long hair, falls for him instantly. Definitely not normal because Nathen doesn't believe in love at first sight or any shit like that. In fact, he hates the whole perception of love, refusing to understand anything beyond lust in the first two months of the relationships he chooses to pursue.
What can I say? The guy is bizarre but he was made that way, molded into someone who doesn't love easily if he tries to love at all. The "big three" don't mean what they used to with him. I don't think he even says it anymore, not to his friends or Mom and Dad, not to anyone. At least, I've never heard him say the "big three". I will say that it kind of hurts when someone doesn't tell you that they love you back. I guess I could blame Rob for fucking with his head and making him incapable of speaking his mind when it comes to loving someone.
Second: Jake decides to go postal, even more so than usual, which is borderline loony-bin. Everyone in the band knows he's the fucktoy of the management—Nathen's pretty vocal about it—either running their little errands of sin or making sure that Asphalt lives up to the cookie-cutter image they all want us to have. They want us to be a boy band. I want them to go to hell. They freaked when I told them I was bi and they completely imploded when Nathen came out in Rolling Stone. Their supposed public relations letter made me laugh for days and also reminded me how much I really hate doing this whole spotlight thing. If I could get out of it without making lifelong enemies, I would.
Anyway. Jake goes postal, sends his boy-toy Keith after the guy Nathen has so obviously fallen in love with—something he would rather die then admit—and then smacks us all upside the head with the idea that Jaisyn is, in fact, his long lost half brother. Needless to say, I was highly confused. I asked myself over and over again that if Jaisyn is his half brother, why would Jake do something as drastic as terrify him with an attempted rape-by-bodyguard? I spent hours torturing my poor little mind with this question until I realized that this is Jake. This is the same guy that threatened to rip off my balls then disembowel me if I ever "did something as stupid" as kissing a man in public again. Jake has uncanny threats, yes, but he always carries them out, which is why he frightens me a lot of the time. I like his happy moods better. I'm still surprised that he hasn't said much about what happened at the club with Kayne. That was pretty public. Maybe no one's told him, in which case means that I get to spend more quality time with my innards. Hello, innards. How are you?
Surprisingly, Justin has taken it well but then again, he's always been the sane one of the two. He got the smarter side of the egg. I'm positive Jake got the bitchy side. When Jaisyn showed up on the doorstep this afternoon, he didn't treat him with the same chilliness as Jake, asking questions and being civil while the king-of-all-that-is-threatening glared at nothing in particular. I think he was pissed because he was no longer the center of Justin's attention. He's weird like that. All jealous.
Now, Jaisyn's a nice kid; I like him. He makes me laugh; he's down to earth, and most importantly: he's perfect for Nate. It's about time Nathen found someone that wasn't the very epitome of a bitch or noticeably using him. The kid obviously adores him; his face lit up just a bit whenever someone mentioned him in passing during our conversations.
Nathen may be who he is but he's not good when it comes to picking someone to share a moment of his life with. The only women he can say he fucked; Karen, Safiya? Used him for his dick, I'm sure of it. Rob? Used him, and then completely humiliated him. He's the reason why Nathen doesn't tell his partners or anybody else that he loves them. He doesn't want it thrown back in his face again…which brings me to Seth and Cameron. I think Seth really did care for him but Cam was nothing short of a prick. Fucked Nathen over completely and then some.
Nate went downhill after that, everything culminating in a suicide attempt that left me puking my guts up in the hallway because I'd never seen a bathtub hold that much blood before.
He hasn't been with anyone since he's left the hospital. Two years spent alone. Not even casual sex and Nathen will be the first to tell anyone that he hates casual sex: he'll only do if he knows it's leading somewhere good, which is why he probably fucked Jaisyn into oblivion the second he had the opportunity. Even drunk off my ass, I could see it. He wants Jaisyn more than anything, even sacrificing his own sanity to get him.
Unfortunately, it's come back to bite him in the ass. Hard and with pointy teeth.
Jaisyn's been asleep for hours, curled up in the middle of Justin's bed enormous bed that I covet greatly. He's exhausted and I honestly don't blame him. I'd sleep like a log too if I had to deal with the shit he's dealt with in the past forty-eight hours. It's a lot for any one person to put up with and Nathen had the regrettable no-no of laying the last log on the fire. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Apparently, Nathen wasn't supposed to be here for the confrontation between Jake and Jaisyn. It was just supposed to be a brotherly thing with the rest of us—myself and Erik—running interference. Jaisyn said that he was at his apartment and I guess he was going to stay there. We talked, looked at pictures, until I decided to be stupid and bring up the last name. True to form, Jake didn't like the reason given by Jaisyn—something to do with his grandmother's maiden name—and made his discomfort known with a nicely put sentence. Note to self: never call Jaisyn's mother a fucking bitch. Even for the beating he's taken, Jaisyn can pack one hell of a backhand. I almost felt bad for Jake's face. Almost.
Well, that's when Nathen showed up, immediately went to Jaisyn's defense and got on his bad side. The expression on Jaisyn's face said it all: he was crushed. I think the fact that Nathen didn't listen to him and let him do this by himself really hurt him. I presume not listening to him is a big button for him. Nathen pushed it and that's why he snapped.
Once the ruckus had died down, Jaisyn was in hysterics, trying desperately to allow himself to be comforted by Justin; Nathen was throwing things across the backyard while Erik attempted to calm him down; Jake had gone…somewhere; and I was left alone in the kitchen, staring off into space like the idiot I can be sometimes.
I think Nathen may have done something stupid, without knowing it, really; two years without getting laid at all—this also means no handjobs or blowjobs: Nathen doesn't like those either—can do that to people, make you go a little stir-crazy. But even with all that tension, I don't believe that he would ever rape someone. He would rather die a horrible, William Wallace type death than inflict that kind of pain on anyone. That's why I'm thinking it was one of those things said to make Nathen hurt. Well, it worked. The backyard looks like a war zone and I don't think Nathen has cried this much since he first told us why he doesn't like handjobs or blowjobs.
I know Jaisyn didn't mean it, but I still want to smack the kid upside the head.
It's been four hours and I think Nathen's finally calmed down enough for me to feel safe enough about stepping outside. After all, he is stronger than me. Although, my temper is worse: I would've torn down the house. Erik left thirty minutes ago to go home to his wife, warning me that Nathen is slipping back into his accent and that he found a carton of Jake's cigarettes. In other words, he's highly upset.
So…why am I going to go talk to him? Oh yeah, because he's my best friend and I don't want to walk into his bedroom tomorrow morning and find him dead in a pool of his own blood. I want to die just thinking about it, losing him over something as trivial as a guy. I guess I should mention that he's the reason why I faint and hurl my guts up at the sight of blood.
Steeling myself, I step out onto the back patio, walking with slow, deliberate steps until I'm standing, and then sitting next to him. Five feet away should be a respectable distance. He won't look at me, focusing his glare on a poor bush that he pulled up and threw into the pool. Damn. Erik should be happy he's still alive. I don't even want to know what happened to Arsenic and Cyanide. I hope they ran when they saw him coming, poor dogs.
I hug my legs to my chest, cheek resting on a boney knee as I watch him through the clouds of cigarette smoke. After five minutes of staring and smoking, he finally speaks.
"I didn't do it, you know."
Oh yeah, the accent is back, every low-class bit. "Did he really say no?"
"I…I never heard him say anything. If I had, I would've stopped immediately, he knows that."
"Well then, he probably said shit like that just to hurt you because you didn't listen to him. I don't think he likes it when people don't. Like how you are when someone messes with your close friends."
He laughs as he rubs his forehead, bits of ash falling to the bricks at his feet. "Well, whatever his intentions, it worked."
I scoot a bit closer. "He's dealt with a lot, Nate. You just happened to be the one that took the brunt of his anger."
Another short scoot and I'm close enough to rest my head on his shoulder. I know it's a good sign that he's tired and won't go violent on me when he doesn't shrug me away. "He's up in Justin's room, asleep. He had to give him something to calm him down because the kid was hysterical."
Nathen didn't say anything so I continue to ramble on, using my hands to talk as I hope to stumble upon something that will make this situation better for everyone and make Nathen feel less guilty about being horny.
"I know I would be crazy if I'd just found out who my father really was; Al would too. So Jaisyn being all frantic and everything, is normal. I guess everything was piled on and all it took was something you said and he snapped. It figures that you would have to go and be a stubborn asshole, breaking the poor kid." I chuckle quietly. "To be honest, I was waiting for him to go around the room and mention something horrible about the rest of us. I felt kind of left out."
Nathen laughs, but it's really just a short grunt. "I can yell at you if that'll make you feel better."
I turn my head to look at him, my chin resting on his shoulder. "No, that won't."
He shifts. "Damn."
"Why don't you go talk to him? Work it all out."
"You said he was asleep."
I shrug, returning my cheek to his shoulder. "Might be awake now. He probably misses you."
Nathen shakes his head as he crushes his one-millionth cigarette out in the ashtray. "He doesn't want to see me, not after what I've done."
I'm silent for a moment, lost in thought. Nathen looks somewhat satisfied, in the sexual sense. I can always tell, within a twenty-four hour time frame, whether he's fucked anybody into a mattress. He's quite easy to read with things like that.
"You fucked him last night, didn't you? After the alleged incident he was screaming about?"
His voice is a quiet whisper as he rested his elbows on his knees, fingers tangling in his hair. "Yeah."
"Well, he was all glowy whenever someone mentioned you this afternoon—this was before you showed up, of course—so I think he was just pissed and said some things that he didn't mean. He really likes you, Nate and is most likely kicking himself because of what he's said to you."
He looks at me; if I bring it up, he'll refuse to agree that the emotion I see in his eyes is something akin to hope. "You think?"
Smiling a little half smile, he kisses my forehead. "Thanks, Penn."
I mirror his smile, but mine's a bit wider. "You are welcome."
"Then I guess I'll go talk to him, throw myself at his feet, begging his forgiveness."
"He'll forgive you."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because he loves you."
"He…no, I—he, you…" He frowns, blowing a piece of hair out of his eyes with a huff. "Well."
"You don't know? I thought you told me you could read him perfectly?"
His voice falls to a whisper. "Maybe I never wanted to recognize it."
"Well, it's there and he's waiting for you. Go fuck his brains out in Justin's bed."
Laughing, he got to his feet.
"No, wait, better idea. Fuck him in Jake's bed. He'll hate that."
"You are such a freak."
I look up at him, head bumping against his thigh. "Yep, that's me."
Without a slight smile, he tugs at my hair, leans down to give me another kiss, rubbing his fingers along the bruises he gave me as an unspoken apology. He won't say it, but I know. He's got to save his words for the kid upstairs. Silently, he walks into the house, leaving me alone to clean up the environmental hazard that is Jake's backyard. I wonder if I can replant everything before Jake gets back from wherever he went. He did spend a lot of money to get his backyard landscaped by a professional. I'll probably have to clean the pool too.
I hate it when Nate gets mad.
"Jaisyn? You awake?"
"Look, I'm sorry about today and the past few days. I just…fuck; I can't help myself when I'm around you. You make me lose my mind and-"
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is. And I'm sorry too. I never meant it, what I said; I know you'll never intentionally hurt me. I was mad. So, it's okay, right? We're okay? Tell me we're okay, please?"
Well, technically it's not the end.