Weeks went by. I was so confused about her I could not pass her classroom door way. I was afraid she would leave her classroom just as I passed. I was afraid of her smili, her narcotic smile. I was so hungry for that smile, but I knew that gleeful moment came with its consequences. I would be lifted momentarily from the planes of men onto hers. I would have temporarily been a god, invulnerable to the world. I would have been def to any comments or whispers of Them. I would have been free, unhindged from the weights of the world that broke my back and my spirit. Butterfly and Dragonfly both flying, no dancing in that brief moment. Time would have stood still. Like all wonderful moments like this, it would end. My earthly shackles would snap me back. The weights intensified, the butterfly would go in a flicker of a smile and a quick wink as she would turn the corner. The longing would grow as my shining smile died quietly. My soul would retreat to its dank corner. It's glowing eyes peering through the shadows and waiting in side my mind for her smile to release me.
This was all I could think of as I carried my books down the hall. I saw her classroom doorway. My stomache sank. Was that her that just stood up? My pulse doubled. I felt sick. I turned quickly and took the long way to class. More pain wasn't worth it. She had put me through enough of it as it was. I held back tears as I pushed the outside door open. I couldn't keep on this way could I? I had to find a way to get rid of theses feelings. I felt so empty. My heart was constantly pulled and pushed in so many directions. I was sinking deeper and deeper into darkness. I needed someone to save me. I just needed someone or I would be completely torn apart. I never went back to school. I skipped and went to the creek. I would be grounded for weeks. I didn't care. As long as she was there I didn't want to go. It was Friday. I had the rest of Friday and all of the weekend to think. How could I though when all I could think of is her?
I grabbed what I had and made the long walk home and hoped that no cops were out.