I am sick of intelligence. I despise it at times, yet it is the only thing that differentiates me from the ignorant. then again, I am also the ignorant. Her, it is her fault. .waiting. useless. She is my number one proof that intelligence gets you absolutely nowhere in this world. Appearance is all that matters, if you look good enough you can do anything. There are a lot of starving artists and . but how many pretty faces are starving? None. Because the world is stupid, it is sick. Yet another person who is using me, to be their slave. What can I do? Nothing. Why? Because this is what I am special for. I am never truly happy, I need porn and video games to keep me afloat, I am sick. I spend an hour every day telling myself what an ugly bitch I am. I am normal, but I wish to be seen as one. I want a date, and chitter among my other shallow friends on who is going to win the oscar, or what kind of girl we saw at the mall. I miss it. No. I do not miss it, because I never had it. That teenage passion that I am sick of on the surface, I am jealous. I feel envy and rage when I see a couple walking down the hallway, because I know that man can never be me, for I am "Joe". Instead of huddling in a football team, I am cranking out weird numbers in calculus class. It's the jocks who gets recognized anyways, just like in real life. Who the hell know who Andrew Wiles, or Taniyama, or Shimura are? But everyone knows Jordan, Johnson, O'Neal. Everyone also knows Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Harrison Ford. Not only do they not care about the intellectuals, they mock them as nerds, beings who are near-robotic. I am not intellectual due to an insight, it is due to the fact I listen. While other people are chattering, I am listening to understand, I strive to learn. I don't have the looks, the athletics abilities, but I do have one thing: hardworking abilities. Spring break? What spring break? My spring break has been filled with Olympiad training and studying for economics. I do not have a social life, and I wish for one. I am jealous for one. Why? Why must she be away from me? People tell me to go out, but where? The chances of me finding a date are lim n(infiniti of 1/n. there, ive proved it. im a geek, happy? I have friends, but they are. isolated. I am sick of yelling at myself everyday convincing myself what a fucking asshole I am. *goes into a singsong voice* girls hate me, I hate me, I'm in a dysfunctional family.. Oh well. can only get better from here. I hope. First step when uve hit rock bottom. stop digging.