Yo, sup. Glad you decided to check out my story. I like this story, because Jamal, Fracola, Snort, and Excelstan are four characters that I often used in 5th grade, and I like this story because this shows you what happened to them. And I like that. I wrote this a year after I started writing about them. Um and I also like the voice of Crunchy. So, check it out, hope ya like it.

My name's Bajorbin Damunch. People call me Crunchy. Why they do this I don't know, but they still do. I'm an aspiring actor. I'm not an out of work actor, but an aspiring actor. There is no difference in the meaning, but if you call yourself an aspiring actor then it means you're more upbeat 'bout yaself. When I write, I'll say things differently than most. Some people save the slang fo' tha quotes, but I don't. I do things my own way to betta tha flow. So don't cry if I make a sentence fragment, o' spell a word wack, cuz it's on purpose.

Since I'm out of work, I have a day job. I was a cashier at McDonalds fo' a while, but I got tired a dat and took a job as a barber. I work for this guy by the name of Bunghole. Jamal Bunghole. One of the high moments of my day is comin' into work and seein' what kinda wack hairdo Bunghole has. He always wears dreads upon his oval head. He's got beady, angry eyes dat don't look too invitin', but he ain't so bad of a guy as he looks. He has a snappy voice, and sounds a li'l like Beavis from dat show on MTV. He just speaks slow. He does somethin' else dat Beavis is known fo'. He calls everybody "Bunghole". He says his words at a high speed each, but usually takes a bit of pause in between. The shop a' his that I work fo' is called Bunghole Cola. The Cola part is from his co-worker Fracola. Fracola has wack hairstyles too, but not as wack as Brotha Bung's. I often call Jamal Brotha Bung, 'stead of Jamal or Mr. Bunghole. Fracola doesn't always wear dreads. Fracola's eyes resemble a raccoon's. I don't cut hair in the shop. I serve the customers. While getting they's hair cut I givem the shop's trademark drink. It's called Bunghole Cola. Many people decline drinking it cuzza the name, but the brave souls who do drink always come back lookin' fo' some mo. When they's getting their hair cut, anybody that "Jamals" it gets a free Bunghole Cola T-shirt. Jamallin' it is lettin' Brotha Bung think up of some weirdo hairdo on the spot. I've seen him work fo hours on just one guy. I had been workin' fo two weeks, which was as long as the shop had been goin' on. I had heard Bunghole and Coke, or as I also say, Fraco (Fracola) make talk 'bout a guy dat lived widdem back in Jamaica called Excelstan. He was stoppin' by today to spice up the place. He apparently has major dreads too.

I left my house on W. 112th at 9:00 A.M. The shop's right next door, which makes an easy commute. I saw Verde Horticulture, the gardener, workin' on the plants outside of the door. He had been working fo days on givin' this one cactus a face and some dreads. He waved at me. He looked as if about to go mad over the one plant. I walked inside, and saw Jamal. Today he had some neon green dreadlocks that went up about three feet, and some deep purple dreads that jutted out like a weepin' willow tree. They were pretty normal for Jamal, cuz he usually does wacker stuff than that, but then he showed me somethin'. He had a device in his hand with a button. He pushed the button. The deep purple turned a bright, intense yellow and the neon green turned blood red. "Electricity," he explained. I was flabbergasted like a hippopotamus witha snakebite. Then the guy that I instantly knew was Excelstan walked in. He had pretty normal dreads.

"Do you like Celine Dion?" He asked me.

"Hate 'er." I answered.

"Okay, Jamal, don't fire him." he said. Then he gathered us together and explained some ideas. "I don't want this to be a boring old barber shop. I want this to be a party. First of all, tell me your target customers." He said.

"We don't want kiddy bungholes, because their parents won't lettim be creative with their hair, so I guess it's more so toward the adults." Jamal said.

"I agree." Fracola added.

"All right. First of all, I want lights. Green, purple, red, yellow, orange, blue, pink, and all of that. Then, I want music. We're up where rap is hot, so go get some of those CDs. Jamal, I know that you want Marylin Manson, so just get a discman." Excelstan said.

"Yo, I got alotta rap. I'll bring my shit along tomorrow," I added.

"Aight. Now, the whole snack bar and serving the customers is a great idea. Lemme see the Bunghole Cola." He said. Brotha Bung showed him. It came in different flavors with names that Jamal had made up such as Wajukikuki and Rahalabuji. They all had multicolered swirls and tasted very sweet. "Okay, I also wanna market the drinks, and the T-shirts too. They got some awesome designs. Have you made your comercial yet?" He asked.

"No, we haven't. We were waiting for you to get back from visiting your mother in Jamaica. By the way, has Jiggly Goo made a website for us yet?" Fracola asked.

"Yeah. He's coming to New York tomorrow, so one of you can visit his place, because you don't want a nerd like him making the content. I found this studio where we could make a commercial on 137th street. How about both of you come? I'll direct the commercial and everything, we can get Jiggly Goo to work with the computer editing, and Crunchy can stay at the store. Bring along some photos because I wanna fill a shot with 'em. I'll also get a shot of both of you together, you can say some lines, and then Jiggly Goo'll put the rest in during editing." Excelstan said.

"Wait a minute, I'm camera shy. Let Crunchy say the lines. You can take a shot of Jamal and I, but I won't do any talking." Fracola said.

"All right," I said, "Maybe some director will see me and put me in a flick." Then we put up a sign stating that we were closed temporarily so come back in an hour.

Excelstan seemed to know what was goin' down. He took a shotta Jamal and Fracola, and then they ran back to the shop. Excelstan had payed somebody that seemed out of a job some G and a free haircut to hold up my cuecards. "Ya wanna have a haircut that's actually original? Come to Bunghole Cola at 112th st and check out our website at .com," I said. Jiggly Goo and Excelstan spent the rest of the day juicin' it up a bit. The shop wasn't too busy that day. We planned on getting' Excelstan's spice into the shop in at least two weeks. At night I went to audition fo some wack movie called Hijacker. I didn't get anywhere.

When I came into work the next day Verde Horticulture had started yelling at the plant. "Why are you so useless? Why can't you do what I want you to? I hate you!" When I walked in I saw that Excelstan was hooking up a tv.

"What's the tv for?" I asked.

"I finished the comercial," he said.

"How'd ya do that so soon?" I asked.

"Well, it was quite easy, actually. Jiggly Goo is like one of those genius weird people. The software that they hooked us up with had a program to put the lights in. That was the most important part. The commercial might remind you of that old video by Dee-Lite. It was called, 'The groove is in the heart'. Very colorful and psychadelic and everything. Then we put all of the pictures of people who Jamalled themselves together, flashed the picture of Jamal and Fracola, and then we did some editing with your shot. What we did with yours, however, is quite interesting. I noticed that you were a Biggy Smalls look alike. Jiggly Goo noticed that the software had what is called a Shtookie program. The Shtookie is an instrument that was invented in 1987 by Wan Abi in Japan. What you must do is record one word in any voice you want, and when you speak into the Shtookie it will translate your words into that voice. I took out his Life After Death album and played a song into the computer. It translated your voice into Biggy's voice. The music mixed in too, however, so it may sound abnormal even though Jiggly Goo minimized it as much as possible. To make you look even more like him, I exaggerated some of your features. Now people will think that Biggy Smalls is supporting the shop. Wanna see it?" He asked. I'm no computa whizz, so I didn't understand it all. He put the commercial in the TV and played it.

Excelstan was right. It was a lot like the Dee-Lite vid. Then I saw myself. I sounded different like Excelstan said. I also looked a li'l mo like Biggy. The shop wuzza li'l mo bizzia dat day 'n most. At night, as usual, I went to audition. Tha movie I auditioned fo was a makefun. It was called Scream If You Know What I Did Last Summer. I didn't get a big part, but it was a part nontheless. There would be one scene where they would be watching MTV. The directa wanted me because they couldn't get the rights to put in a real Biggy vid 'less they payed 10,000 G's. They wanted a 10 sec shotta me. It payed 5,000 G's. They took me 2da studio at 42nd, pressed tha li'l red bu'n, and I lip-synched to BIG. It was 10:00 PM when I got home.

When I came in the next day, Verde Horticulture had resorted to ripping his hair out. Jamal told me, after showin' off his dreads, "Fracola's going to Jiggly Goo's hotel today for the content of our web page. The problem is, you can't cut hair, and we're scheduled to have a busy week this week because Excelstan's been talking to this guy who airs the commercials, and we're about to have a deal fall through. As you can gather, I need somebody to help me out cuz I can't cut that many people's hair by myself," he said, "so meet Snort."

"Snort?" I asked, and then a man jumped out at me.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" He yelled. He was a big man, halfway in between six and seven feet, with a big head to accompany it. He was very wide sholdered, but he wasn't fat. He had bloodshot eyes, a crooked nose, and a mouth was comparable to that of Steven Tyler's. His shout kncoked me back. "I'm Snort," he said.

"Snort isn't a very accomplished barber, but since we're doing creative hairstyles I thought he would be a good experiment to try," Jamal said.

"Okay," I agreed.

"Snort is also a good friend of Fracola and I's," Jamal explained, "at the moment he is getting mentally prepared to join the ARMY."

"I'm gonna be all that I can be," he told me. His voice was very loud, although he didn't mean for it to be, and it seemed angry, even though he wasn't at that particular moment. I went to the sales booth in the store while Jamal put up the sign that informed the world that we were open.

"Hey, Verde, how about coming in here for a moment. You look like you need a rest," Jamal observed.

"No, no, no! Must finish! AAAAAAH! Plant not dreadlock wanting! Must put on! Must put on! AAAAAAAH! Plant is evil! Evil! Must lock with dreads! Evil! Not rest! AAAAAAAAH!" Verde yelled, and then fainted.

"That's the second time today," Snort observed. I went into the storage room because I noticed that we had run out of t-shirts. From there I heard some very interesting conversation going on.

The bell that indicated a customer's presence rung, and I heard a distinguished sounding voice say, "Why hello, my dreadlocked friends. My name is Mr. Cardigan. That is spelled M-R-.-C-A-R-D-I-G-A-N. I make movies. Here is my card, and on the other side my website address."

"Um, hi. Ya wanna Jamal it, or not?" Jamal asked. He didn't sound nearly as distinguished as Mr. Cardigan.

"Oh, no, no, no. I am not going to mess with my hair at the moment. I just spent $200 on a very nice toupee. Don't you think it is nice? Touch my toupee. Yes, you see, it is wonderful. The reason for my presence in your humble shop is that I am shooting a movie about the life and legacy of the late, great Notorious B.I.G. I have a few actors in an important scene that I wish to have uncannily odd hairstyles. That is why I am here. I will be coming tomorrow with them and desire for you to be ready," He said. I got the t-shirts and walked back into the main room of the shop where the two of them were.

"Why, oh my! You are a duplicate! Are you, by any chance, an actor?" Mr. Cardigan asked in disbelief. He was referring to my look-alikeness to Biggy.

Taken aback, I said, "well, yeah, I am." I said.

"You simply must be in my movie," He insisted.

"Cool."

"Okay, I'll get a contract ready. We begin shooting the day after tomorrow," he informed me. I was allowed to go home early with the script to practice. When I came in the next day, Verde had finished covering the plant in dreadlocks.

Yo, thanks for reading this story. Um hope you liked the ending... I kinda liked that little metaphor thing if ya picked it up. Now, please review it, cuz I love getting reviews and all.