Title: Glimpse of Hurt
Author: Cazzaa
Note: Written as an English story and I really like this one. Would like to hear what you guys think. :)
The stars wink above in the dark night sky. They wink at me as if they have a secret to tell but can't. I smile to myself. How ironic, the stars know more than me. The night wind is cooler than I take it for. The wind picks up and I hug myself tighter. Tonight's the formal night, but to me it's just another night.
A soft breeze blows across my neck. It's warm, but I shiver anyway because I know it's you. I close my eyes as you wrap your arms around me. I don't move. I hold my breath.
At the start of the night I had walked in with my date. You stared at us like a disapproving father. Jealousy could quite clearly be seen on your face.
So why am I standing out here with your arms around me? As I close my eyes I remember how I ended up here, by the lake.
I was dancing with David, my date. You sat at the table and looked at us now and then. I didn't care. No matter what you do, I won't forget the way you hurt me.
Through the few months we have been apart I have formed a strong friendship with David. Throughout that time you have noticed, and I have noticed, the way you despised the fact we spent time together.
I was at the formal, not with you but somehow I'm alone with you now. All because of three simple words. Three words that bring fear and joy. Three words that could mean anything depending on how you said them.
You asked me to dance. I was hesitant at first but I got up and looked at David. I caught his eye. He looked at me with a question in his and I gave him the same look back. He shrugged but kept a careful eye. I smiled knowing he would be there to catch me when I fell.
So I took in a deep breath and you took my hand into yours. I waited to feel the familiar spark between them again.
In the middle of the dance you leaned in and whispered in my ear, 'You look beautiful.'
My heart froze at that. I said nothing. It was then that I noticed that almost every friend of ours had their eyes on us. You must have noticed everyone's attention on us too because you looked at me deep in thought. That's when you uttered the three words.
'Can we talk?' I stopped dancing and let go. I could feel your disappointment. It saddened me too.
I wanted to hear what you had to say, so I nodded, 'Outside. By the lake.'
David came up to me. Always there as my pillar of strength. I left a kiss on his cheek. 'I'll be okay.' He smiled and it was enough to reassure him, for now.
So that leaves us here by the glittering lake. I open my eyes and pull away. Without looking I know I have hurt you.
With my back to you I start the conversation, 'You wanted to talk…'
'Yes.' Your voice is strong and determined.
I wait for you to continue but you don't say anything else. I turn around now wondering why.
'You look beautiful.' You change the subject with a smile.
I laugh and shake my head. I look to the ground. 'You said that already. Say what you have to.'
It's harsh I know, but I don't want you to think this means anything. I came out here to resolve my curiosity, nothing else.
You take in a deep breath and start. 'Why are we like this? Aren't we supposed to be friends?'
I stare at you in disbelief. 'Friends? If I remember correctly I had tried. You didn't care.'
It's true so you say nothing else.
I sigh. 'Look, it's cold out here. I have a date in there that I would like to get back to.'
'Do you like him?' You ask it so quietly that I can barely hear you.
'I don't know,' I shake my head.
You change the subject again. 'I've missed you…'
'Please don't,' I beg.
'I know you miss me.' You're pushing all the limits now.
I turn my back on you and sit on the grass, not caring if it leaves grass stains on my dress.
'Why do you always do this to me?' I say.
'I've missed you. I want to be with you.' You sit down next to me.
'So what are you saying?' I'm afraid of your answer.
'I want a second chance.'
'What?!' I can't believe what you're asking.
'I want us to have a second chance,' You repeat it with more willpower.
I say nothing. They say everyone deserves a second chance. So am I willing to give you one?
You ended our relationship. It took me months to get over that fact that I had lost someone that I could have probably loved. Then you played with my heart. You brought my hopes up on so many occasions. It hurt but somehow every time I had managed to forgive you.
Then I lost hope of everything, and my life just seemed to collapse around me. When I needed somebody- anybody- the most, you ignored me. You went on with your life, not caring, not even being that friend you promised we would be. I was left stranded, falling into a dark pit. Only one person believed in me enough to pull me out and that was David. He gave me the strength to fight my battles and win that war raging inside of me, and you wondered why we grew closer together. He showed me there was more out there in the world.
So can I forgive you again? Is my heart that fragile and weak? To both questions I answer yes. You know my weaknesses and you play on them. However I've got something that will balance my weaknesses. David's strength.
The music from the hall floats down to the lake. It snaps me out of my thoughts. The wind picks up again and I shiver and wrap myself tighter. You notice me tremble and as I watch the water ripple in the lake you wrap an arm around my shoulders. I can easily fall into your embrace but I stop myself. I move away slightly.
'Please don't do that,' I say quietly.
You take your arm away.
'We should go back,' I decide.
You sigh with disappointment. 'Yeah, we should.'
You get up and extend a hand to help me up. I take it. As I stand up I notice how close we are. In fact, too close. You don't move and somehow I can't seem to move either. The only thing I seem to be able to do is to look away. You reach up and cup my cheek into your palm. I lean into it and close my eyes. It hurts to be so close and hurts to be so far away from you.
I open my eyes and kiss you. You're surprised at first. Believe me, so am I. I close my eyes as I find myself lost in the bittersweet kiss. The memories flood in as you deepen the kiss. Every barrier I have tried to keep up now falls around me. After what seems like minutes I pull away, slowly. I'm afraid to leave but I know I must not hang on. I pull back and a grin makes it's way to my lips. I remember why I could fall so easily into your embrace, and I remember why your kisses made me feel so special. I remember it all.
I open my eyes to see you look right into mine. I reach up and stroke your cheek. I look at you, taking in every detail, every feature from your face and storing them into my memory. I step back and let my hand drop from your face. I give you the answer to your question.
'It's too late for second chances.'
I watch the disappointment rush over your face. I've given you only a glimpse of how much hurt I felt.
When you took my hand into yours I waited for the familiar spark to come back. When I kissed you just then I waited for my heart to skip. In both cases it didn't happen. I didn't feel anything but fear.
As I walk away from you I look out to the lake. I look at the stars above me. I know what secret the stars held in that twinkle now. Do you know what the funny thing about all this is? I smile slightly to myself. I'll find happiness. But the ironic thing is, I'll find the happiness away from you.