III.

Soup
(Customer Service)
- songshadow

New! Improved! Primordial S(tm)!
Create your own Evolution! Watch it Grow!
No two experiments are ALIKE...
Just add water!
No fuss. No Mess.
Just oodles of educating fun!
(Buy now and get a Neandral Special Expansion Set(tm) free!)

Ring.

"Hello, E-ville Incorporated, customer service.
"Yes sir, problems with your Primordial S set... you used the Neandral expansion set, yes... there's nothing to worry about, sir, I assure you, they are perfectly harmless... yes sir, I understand they're tearing up the turf, sir. It's what they do, sir. It'll be alright, you'll see. They'll settle down and start putting it back in soon enough... ummm, no sir, I don't think we ever figured out why they do that, sir.
"They've established territories? I don't see how that would be a problem sir... I suppose if they ran out of turf they'll just clobber each other for more turf. Yes sir, it does seem fairly fascinating. They're also the only species known to kill each other for spite... um, it doesn't grow anywhere, sir. Spite is a word we made up. It means 'not liking someone's guts'... No sir, they don't actually eat guts, sir. At least, not each other's. I understand it's not a good diet... I don't know, sir. They're just funny that way, I guess.
"They're not meant to be educational, sir, it says so very clearly on the packaging, 'entertainment purposes only'. They truth is, sir, we never figured out any kind of redeeming social quality in them... Well, maybe just to teach people not to act like them... and not to make things like that again.
"You could incinerate the turf, or douse the whole thing in water. But that'd exterminate the other species too, not to mention make a mess out of your basic set. Or you can just leave them alone for a while, watch them sort themselves out... Yes sir, I know, sir, yes sir, but... yes sir, I know they're at the top of the food-chain and at it like rabbits, sir. Yes, sir, and ruining the turf. Don't worry, sir. They behave exactly the same way in all similar experiments ever done with them, sir...
"Oh, I'm pretty sure there're a few specific detail differences. I meant generically, as a race, sir, that they always seem to have the same behaviour model... They're kind of genetically programmed to wipe themselves out within a few thousand years of maturity, sir, somewhere between six and seven. An engineering glitch that turned out for the better, it seems. Poor buggers don't look like they can take much of sustained existence... A few thousand years their time... Depends on how fast you've set the Sun-revolution rate, sir... Yes sir, you can reset it, just remember to account for auto-readjustments in the rest of the systems, sir. Speed of time and gravity and celestial distances and all that... Yes sir, you're welcome, sir.
"No sir, I don't think they have souls, sir... well, social psychology is a funny thing, sir. But just because a few people think you're God doesn't make you a divinity, sir... Maybe they're picking it up from us by some kind of mental osmosis. I shouldn't be surprised if they did... They're so small, compared to us, I just hope our ideas don't blow their heads, literally... Yes sir, thank you sir. Goodbye, sir. "

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