i stare at the pattern on the ceiling made by the streetlights glowing through the slats of the blinds a hundred bars of light and dark that resemble the bars of a cell i'm trapped here in this bed lying beside you while you snore softly there's nothing physical holding me here nothing keeping me from walking out the door to embrace the streetlight except for you i love you i hate you you enfold me every day with your blatant brutal lies and the transparent darkness inside you you hold a knife behind my back as i fall into your arms but i can't get enough of your poisonous wiles your touch electrifies my skin burns it red and raw but it doesn't ever go deeper than that the lightning won't touch my heart it just stays at the surface and throbs the exquisite pain sometimes it hurts too much sometimes i think i should go far away but then there are moments when you wear your other, nicer face and briefly, i am comforted and loved and nurtured your touch burns less, is more soothing like rain but still only goes skin-deep i'm addicted to your lightning caress i'm addicted to your touch of rain i'm hopelessly lost in your shadowy eyes the darkness in you is swallowing me your kiss is worst of all sweet and tender poison like a pinkish swirl of shattered glass the rain and the lightning combine in a storm and your malicious care bruises me inside i'm being slowly drained away by the things you do to me but i'm far too far gone to try to run because i'm addicted to the pain the exquisite pain and i'll just stay here by your side staring at the confines of my cell shadowed on the ceiling while you sleep beside me i could kill you right now so easily but instead you'll kill me a little at a time with your sweet and tender poison.