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Fun Force

Episode 1.04: Code Rage

Written and Created by Gabriel Ricard

And we move once again into the realms of comedic chaos…the last episode to me…was the best to date. Finding a rhythm for any series is difficult and I hope to keep the ball rolling.

Of course, I have no idea if it is going in the right direction, beyond my own opinions, because no one reads the fucking thing.

So it goes…

CUE THE FUCKING THEME SONG!

In a world

Where milk and cookies

Mean nothing

A team stands by everyday

Ready to fight

Ready to bite

Ready to save the dayyyyy

FUN FORCE!

FUN FORCE

They're the super teammm

That's a super funky dreammmm

They live in a dumpster on giggles and fun

Always enjoying the damage that's done

FUN FORCE

FUN FORCE

They're the gang to watch

Like a foaming crotch

FUN FORCE

FUN FORCE

Now sit back

Relax

And enjoy…

FUN FORCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

FUN FORCE!

WE OPEN…ack…sorry…We open at the dumpster of previously mentioned giggles and fun

"Is he here yet?" Gabe came into the room the way he usually entered a battle, screaming and waving his sword.

Rhea regarded his entrance as she always did with him, casual and irritated. "No." it had also been the fourth time in the last hour Gabe had come into the room as he did, asking if the computer guy had arrived yet.

"ARGHHHH! I'm missing precious Scarboard prattle!"

Rhea lit a cigarette, a thin smile spread across her face. It was the sort of smirk that would be considered invisible to the naked eye. "Not to mention thousands of newly released porn videos and pictures."

"NO!" Gabe's hands reacted as he screamed, striking at what he intended to be the sofa, but was instead Rhea's left arm. Cutting the arm cleanly off at the elbow.

In that moment, Gabe's eyes regained whatever clarity they usually possessed. The sword fell out his hands which lost their function and he ran out of the room. Knocking Flame-Chan against the doorway as he attempted his escape. Flame-Chan spun around with her leg pointed forward to try kicking Gabe in the ass but he was well on his way up the stairs before she even reacted. She sighed and walked into the living room. She saw Rhea's arm on the floor, the look on Rhea's face and thought very little of it.

"Computer guy still not here yet?"

"No."

"What time was he supposed to have come and fixed that piece of shit?"

"About three hours ago."

"Ah."

Rhea showed no sign that her arm had just been sliced off. She wasn't even bleeding. Exhaling again, she reached down and picked up her arm with the surviving limb. "Where's the sewing kit?"

"In my room."

Rhea nodded, she kept her cigarette between her lips, smoking it that way. This was the greatest length she had gone to with interrupting her vice. Doing so only because she needed to pick up the arm. She looked it over as if she were at a garage sale, then looked up to Flame-Chan. "I'll be in my room. Remind to castrate Gabe while he sleeps tonight."

"Don't I always?"

"No…that's why he still has them."

"Well, look on the bright side."

"That being?"

"This will make a great story."

"Shut up." Rhea moved swiftly past Flame-Chan and went upstairs.

Flame snickered and yawned, stretching her lengthy arms above her head and looking around. Hoping in some odd way that something she had never seen before would suddenly appear and capture her interest.

To little surprise, nothing appeared and Flame-Chan, who had been looking for something to do all morning, gave up all control of her central gravity and allowed herself to plummet onto the couch.

Outside…? What? what? haha…

Tiny shifted his body, leaning against the corner and using as little of his head as possible to look around it and watch the masses of humans, robots, aliens and other assorted garbage move in a single upwards stream.

"Tiny! Pay attention!"

Tiny removed himself from the difficult to maintain view and looked up at Rotten. "I'm here! I'm here! damn."

"Do you even know what the plan is?"

"Of course I do!" Tiny shook his head and tail simultaneously, "'Do I know what the plan is' that's so fucking stupid. You've only told me like seventeen million times!"

"You don't know do you?" Rotten folded her almost invisible arms over her chest.

"No. I wasn't listening."

"Well pay attention now because I won't go over it again."

"Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine-"

"Tiny."

"Fine, fine, fine, fine."

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND LISTEN BEFORE I EAT YOUR GOD DAMN EYES!"

Tiny who had been moving his head back and forth in a sing song sort of fashion to time with the 'fines' snapped back up to Rotten's face. "Sorry Ma'am."

"Okay…one more time, here's what we're going to do. You're going to play dead. Can you play dead?"

"I'm a dog aren't I?"

"Barely."

"Pah."

"Anyway…you're going to play dead. And I'm going to play a hysterical little girl whose dog has just died."

"Right."

"And when some poor dumbass comes around the corner of this building to see why the poor little girl is so sad, I BITE THEM ON THE NECK!" Tiny took three steps back. In the short time he had known this little dead girl, he had come to fear any actions by her that wouldn't be considered eerily calm. Much like Rhea.

"Why?"

"Because I'm a vampire and I need to drink blood. Duh."

"About that." Tiny ignored Rotten's eyes darting towards her forehead.

"What?"

"How can you be a vampire. It's daylight and you haven't melted. Not even a smidgen."

"I'm am…reverse vampire. I crave light."

"But we went to the coffee shop last night."

"Just lie the fuck down."

"Okay, okay." Tiny walked in a small circle three times and fell to the ground rather than lowering himself slowly. He laid his head on its side and let his tongue fall out. This was as close as to being dead as he imagined he would be.

"Ready?"

"Barely."

"Good." Rotten took a deep breath. Letting it out, she exploded her quiet frame with a relentless series of heaving sobs. Keeping her eyes open the entire time in order to bring about tears.

It took thirty seconds for someone to come around the corner to investigate. To Rotten's horror, it was a midget wearing a black top hat and long leather trench coat.

Tiny brought failure to his role of a dead mongrel when Rotten screamed the name "Sammy!". He perked his eyes up.

The midget whose name was actually Bingleberk but demanded everyone call him Sammy, reacted with such surprise, his hat fell back and was ignored. His hands began shaking and he pointed a chubby digit at Rotten, "You!"

"W-w-w-w-w-what are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" his small, shifty midget eyes. "I live here! in the slummiest fucking area you can imagine. And do you know why?" he moved towards her and Rotten found herself against the wall. "Do you?"

"Umm…no?"

"Because when you joined my circus ten years ago, that fucking curse of yours killed off the entire show!"

"That could have been anything!" Rotten's voice wavered in protest.

"The fucking Gamera float fell on them! And then it came to life and ate everyone who survived but me! What are the fucking odds of that happening?!"

"Pretty good I'd say. You know how shiftless turtles can be."

"REGARDLESS! You destroyed my life and killed the one I loved!"

"The strong man?"

"Who else?!" Sammy pulled a knife from a pocket inside his trench coat. The knife was roughly the same height as Sammy himself. "Well now…I'll be able to take advantage of this sudden turn of events and seize the revenge I've been dreaming of!"

"That doesn't really thrill me." Rotten tried to maneuver herself closer to the corner and allow for some sort of escape. The midget kept on her and Rotten realized it was impossible. "Tiny! Sic!"

"Sick? Well…my nose is a little stuffy. But I think that was from trying to find that thing that Rhea told me was up my ass."

"No! Sic as in KILL! As in help-aiee! Me!" Rotten ducked the first attempt by Sammy to take her life.

"Oh! Sure." Tiny didn't bother to stand up, instead he shot forward like a missile and tackled Sammy to the ground. Clamping on his skull, Tiny flipped him up into the air, catching him in his mouth and swallowing him whole. "Whew," he stumbled slightly. "That's going to be in my digestive system for a few thousand years."

"That was amazing," Rotten shook her head. Of all the things she had seen in her life, that would most certainly make her top five.

"Thank you. Can we go home now? I suddenly need to lie down."

"Of course." Rotten waited until Tiny could plod along next to her and walked slowly enough so he could keep up, making their way back home.

Well…we could very easily follow them home. But that's no fun. Instead, we're going to jump right in the middle of something else and hope it doesn't confuse to hell out of you.

"You know Tom, you don't have to go back to work so soon. In fact, I would feel a lot better if you took say, another week or two off."

Tom Hosier finished buttoning his shirt. A gray short sleeve with the words ComputerCings firmly planted above the left breast pocket in black. He turned to face his doctor, "Thanks Doc but, I can't stay at home another week. Besides, I've gotten a lot better in record time. You said so yourself."

Doctor Sharpie nodded, eyeing the room they were in. It was Tom's living room/bed room and it was cleaner than it had been in years. He himself had spent a day last week helping Tom to clean it up. "I admit you have made amazing progress with your anger problem. But, I still don't know if you're ready to face the real world. Any little thing could send you back into you're insane rage."

Tom put his hand on the doctors shoulder, "Doc I'll be fine. Trust me. I still know myself."

"Did you know yourself when you murdered Wicked City's Bozo The Clown?"

"I just hate clowns is all."

Doctor Sharpie sighed, "Well, it has been two months since we began treatment. If you truly feel you're ready, then I suppose we can give it a go."

"Thanks Doc." Tom took a pack of cigarettes and lighter from the drawer next to his bed and put them in his pocket. He reached for the road weary leather jacket hanging on the bedpost and slipped it on."

"You're welcome. Now, how about you come over here and give me a hug."

Tom had been heading for the door, but stopped midway. "Only if you promise not to grab my ass again. That was creepy Doc."

"Yes well, I'm very sorry about that. It won't happen again, ever." He looked around and nodded again, "Never. I promise."

"Okay."

Tom reached for his therapist and embraced him. Tom was ready to let go five seconds afterwards but the doctor held on.

"Doc…I said hands off."

Back homeeeee….

"So it doesn't surprise you?" Rotten crossed her legs, sitting in the chair that obscured her entire body. If someone were to approach the chair from behind, they would not see Rotten.

Flame-Chan shook her head, "No not really. Tiny has been eating things his size and larger since he was a puppy. "

"Still…it was…horrifying."

"You'll get used to it."

"So, where is everyone?" Rotten wanted to turn on the television, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She wanted the remote, which Flame-Chan held in her hand. Why the hell won't she turn on the TV?

"Rhea is sewing her arm back on. Tiny is trying not to have a heart attack I would imagine. And Gabe is hiding somewhere, ready to kill the computer guy if he ever shows up." Flame-Chan noticed Rotten staring at the television. "Is there something you want to watch?"

Rotten shrugged, "I don't know. Put something on."

Flame-Chan switched the TV on.

"The computer guy hasn't come yet?"

"No…and personally I don't care. The only reason I want him to show up is so Gabe will go online and disappear for a few hours or so."

"Sounds pretty good."

"Yeah I think so."

Rotten was going to say something. Make some other form of weak conversation, which she felt was absolutely necessary since she still didn't know these people all that well. A documentary covering The Canadian King of Mexico was on and she forgot about saying anything else.

Outside…o-o-o-outside! Do-do-do-do…

Tom was considering all his options. He realized only five minutes ago, while walking, that he was several hours late for his first assignment. Reading the card, he realized that despite the address being a repeater, he himself had never been there before.

But he was thinking hard about some way to keep himself from getting in trouble for being so late. He approached the home and still nothing came to him. He looked the building over. Realizing that it was not a building but rather three obscenely large dumpsters stacked on top of each other.

He shook himself away from staring at the house and decided that he would not get discouraged and irritated already. Something would come to him. "Today is the beginning of a new world. A beautiful new..wo-omph!"

Tom gave a short cry that was quickly silenced. Gabe had emerged from behind the garbage cans, cracking Tom on the side of the head with an aluminum baseball bat.

"Victory! Ph34r my wicked fucking power!" Gabe leapt back and forth with the bat raised above his head like a trophy. He thought he was dancing. He stopped when he noticed Tom roll over a little to the left.

"Crying for mercy eh?" Gabe chuckled.

Tom was doing nothing of the sort.

"Well, I'll silence your cries…forever!" Gabe raised the bat. Waiting for an opportunity to hit Tom in the ribs. Or the genitals. Gabe was set on striking Tom in the crotch with the Sammy Sosa "autographed" baseball bat.

"Gabe?"

He spun around to see Flame-Chan standing in the doorway.

"Flame! Sweety-cakes!"

"Is that the computer guy?" Flame-Chan had the slightest suspicion that it was.

"Um…I'd have to say…yes. Yes it is." He nodded, then suddenly looked terrified. "I mean, no! no it's not." looking at Flame, he saw that he was miles away from her buying this. "Shit!"

"Bring him inside before he bleeds all over the ground."

"Um.."

"Do it now!"

"Okay! Okay!" Gabe swore under soft breathing. He glanced behind his shoulder to see if Flame-Chan had gone back inside. Hoping he wouldn't actually have to do anything other than beating Tom to death with a baseball bat.

She was still there so he threw the bat aside and dragged Tom in by his spiky, dirty blond hair.

An hour later…

"Please?" Rotten gave Flame-Chan her cutest, most needy face she could muster. "Let me drink his bloooood."

"No."

"I don't see what the problem would be with that," Rhea was not looking at anything other than her newly sewed up arm. She admired her handiwork and wondered if there was anything else in the house that needed sewing.

"Because…"

"You think he's cute, don't you?" Gabe put an arm around her shoulder, grinning stupidly.

Flame-Chan elbowed him in the throat. "No."

"Look!" Tiny stopped licking Tom's face when he began to gesture in front of his face that it was bothering him. 'He's coming to!"

"Damn," Rotten stomped her foot and slumped into the chair to sulk.

Tom groaned and opened his eyes. Getting the left eye to work was difficult for some reason. There was still some dry blood surrounding the socket. "Where…the fuck am I?"

"The dumpster of giggles and fun," answered Rhea.

"The what now?" Tiny raised an eyebrow.

"Nevermind."

Tom tried to sit up, but he found that to be difficult so he gave it up quickly. "I don't remember what happened."

"Gabe hit you in the head with a bat for being hideously late for fixing our computer." Flame-Chan looked over to Gabe, seeing that he was only now getting to his feet, clutching his stomach and trying not to cry.

"Oh yeah…now I remember," Tom felt something familiar returning his strength to him. It was the same feeling that allowed him to kill that stupid clown. After another moment, he sat up without any problem. He was aware that there was a gash on his head because he could feel it moving with a life separate from his. The important part was that it didn't hurt and by this, he was easily able to do away with everything his homosexual psychiatrist had taught him.

He also decided at that exact second, that revenge here would have to be something unique. Something beyond blind rage and crippling people outright. He forced a smile, "Look…I…understand your anger with me. I'm like what…four hours late?"

"Something like that,: wheezed Gabe.

"And for that I am eternally sorry. I know exactly how I can make it up to you." Tom tried not to giggle saying this.

Three hours…not minutes pass that will NOT be specified.

"Explain this to me again," Rhea accepted a cigarette from Tom. Feeling too lazy to look for her own.

Tom adjusted the small computer screen on the wall with a screwdriver. Satisfied that it was safely planted into its new home. He lit one of his cancer candies. "It's a deluxe home system. This new model that our company is going to start selling next month. The system runs your entire house for you. Performing any function you wish it to simply by speaking to it."

"What do we call it?" Rotten had stopped sulking two hours ago.

"Like name wise?"

"Yeah."

"Well that's your decision really. But I took the liberty of giving it a name for you. That being Manan."

"Manan?" asked Tiny.

"Yes." He glanced at a watch that wasn't actually there. "Well, I better be going now. I need to be getting home."

Flame-Chan blushed for no explicable reason and shoved Rhea aside so she could face the computer guy. "Thank you so much. We're really very sorry Gabe is so fucking stupid."

"I resent that."

"Shut up," everyone including Tom snapped.

"It's really no problem. God knows I would do the same thing if it happened to me. He took hold of a small duffel bag holding miscellaneous computer instruments and walked out the door without saying anything else. After holding in sinister laughter of knowing the carnage that would be to come, he was certain he wouldn't have been able to hold out much longer.

"Can we fire it up now?" asked Gabe.

I am already on Gabriel. There is no need to fire anything up at all.

"AIEEEE!" Gabe and Tiny screamed together and dove behind the couch.

"This has to be the worst sounding talking computer I've ever heard."

"How many have you heard Rotten?"

Rotten thought for a moment her eyes on the ground instead of Flame-Chan, "Including Hal? Um…two."

"Well that's hardly a good base for comparison is it?"

"No…I guess not. Make it do something."

"Okay," Flame chan folded her arms, "Manan?"

Yes Flame-Chan?

"Bitch slap Gabe."

Right away Flame-Chan

The lamp next to the chair shot forward as an unexpected bullet. Ending its four year life-span by smashing itself into Gabe's face. Gabe's legs flew up in the air, smacking the ceiling as he hit the ground and lay unmoving.

"That was very fucking cool," Rhea was unable to avoid smiling at something so pleasing to the eye.

Anything else?

"Can I have some dog food made out of little bits of dead porn stars? Ooh! Ooh! And can YOU call ME master?"

Why of course Master Tiny

"You've never had to call anyone master in your life." Rhea ducked the dish, that was seemingly flung from the wall like a novelty flying disk.

"Shut up Rhea, this is a new thing for me."

"Hey I see a chunk of Demi Moore," Rotten pointed.

"Hey! Yeah! Wow! Some one spoiiiled me! Thanks Manan." Tiny devoted another minute to a oddly feminine squeal followed by high pitch giggling.

It was my pleasure Master Tiny

"You try something Rhea," Tiny lifted his head from the food only long to bark out his suggestion with his mouth filled with food to the point where he was incomprehensible.

"Hmm…no."

Flame-Chan slapped her on the back, though not that hard. "Come on Rhea."

When a scowl did nothing to deter the eager look on Flame-Chan's face, Rhea sighed. A slender claw with thin fingers erected from the floor. A cigarette was held between the fingers and placed in Rhea's mouth. She noticed it was already lit.

I believe you wanted a cigarette while you made up your mind Rhea?

"Yeah…I guess. Okay, I feel like watching the special edition DVD of Titus.

But of course

The same mechanism that had given Rhea her cigarette returned to hand her the DVD. Rhea accepted it, eye's twitching like window shutters. "Thank you?"

Happy to please you

"Okay. It's one of the greatest things I've ever seen. But that's ALL." Rhea inhaled her cigarette and regarded that too. "Hey, exotic blends."

Now, who's ready for their mid evening murder?

"I suppose s-wait a bloody minute," Rotten looked at the computer screen on their wall.

"Um.." Flame-Chan leaned forward. "None of us really want to die so we'll just pass on that."

I'm sorry Flame-Chan, but my programming specifically states that everyone must be routinely murdered promptly at 7 p.m. I am already seventy-two and one third…I'm sorry…two third…no…three third…

Gabe began moving towards the front door, motioning for everyone to follow. "Look, we'll just…go out walking for a bit. You can stay here and think really hard about…time and shit."

I'm sorry Gabe…I can't let you do that

Spikes flashed into the room, seemingly from the door. Gabe avoided them by simply falling back. Before he could get up, wires slipped through the floor and wrapped themselves around Gabe's arms and legs. The area of the floor that was mostly obscured by Gabe's body suddenly liquefied, allowing him to slide through, disappearing.

"Well who fucking saw this coming?" growled Tiny, who lunged for the wall. His effort came to and end when an anvil fell from the ceiling and forced him back to the ground.

Rhea and Flame-Chan exchanged glances. "Any ideas?"

"Beyond dying again?"

"Yeah."

"Well…no."

"Well fuckshit." The wall closest to them opened up, revealing a flame-thrower which reduced them to a fine ash in less than three seconds.

Rotten looked about the room. More accurately, she looked about what choices she had as far as not dying went. A single idea was all that came to her and she used it without consideration. Stripping off her clothes, she felt her body take its adult form quickly and painlessly.

Her hope that the curse of her adult form would apply to computers surprised her, being right. A guillotine swung from the floor but stopped when it was halfway to Rotten and after a vein of electricity swirled around it, the blade collapsed onto its side.

DANGER! DANGER! DA-A-S-S-SSXMZ,ZKKKKKK!

Jumping back in surprise, Rotten shielded her eyes from the explosion that spat out of the wall. Exactly where the computer had been based.

Devoting a moment of glancing to all visible signs of the carnage that had just occurred, Rotten considered calling her uncle.

Even thinking about this caused Satan himself to open the door, poking his head into the room. "Am I needed?"

"Fuck and no."

"Damn." He frowned and slammed the door.

When she was sure that he left, she yawned. "I'm going to bed." She felt the issue would resolve itself in the morning. She turned, stopping dead when she felt her foot knock a pile of ashes even more so across the floor. "Damn." She walked over what she hadn't kicked aside and went to Rhea's room, which she felt had the most comfortable bed in the house.

Morning comes and um…well I had a rhyme of some sort in mind but I fucking forgot it now…

Rotten's body reacted to the voices downstairs before her mind. She sat up in Rhea's bed suddenly and rolled out, crashing to the floor. This woke her up enough to the point where she realized there really was someone downstairs. More than someone, to her there seemed to be several voices.

Making her way downstairs, she saw Flame-Chan, Tiny, and everyone else. She promptly screamed.

Gabe sipped his coffee, having given up on breakfast cereals. "Someone slept in Rhea's bedddd."

"Why would that make her scream?" Flame-Chan took her coffee cup back and looking inside it, grimaced and poured the remaining contents down the sink.

"I have…no idea."

"Fucking idiot." Rhea shoved Flame-Chan aside to pour her tea.

Flame-Chan said nothing of Rhea and walked over to Rotten, putting an arm around her. "This morning. Tom came back and after ordering the computer to bring us all back, disabled it."

"Tom? The computer guy?"

Tom continued eating the cereal Flame-Chan had poured for him. Curious about its original purpose and age. "Used to be."

"What happened?"

"Well…yesterday I had finished anger management therapy and was going back to work. When Gabe hit me with a bat though, it set me off all over again. So I installed the computer system in your house and programmed it to kill all of you. I was quite pleased with myself until I went home and told my shrink all about it. I had stopped at a bar on the way home and was pretty drunk by the time I got back. I figured the Doc would get a kick out of it. He listened to my story and told me to do two things. First, he told me to quit my job. And then he told me to come here and set things right. So here I am."

Flame-Chan felt there was more explanation due so she continued, "Tom's apartment was apparently owned by the company that he worked for. So when he quit his job, he lost his place to live. So, we're letting him move in with us."

"We are?" Gabe had spent the duration of the story searching for a new coffee cup. He didn't find one, deciding to use Tiny's sort of empty dog dish.

"Yes…we are."

"But-"

a metal bat collided with the right side of Gabe's forehead. Tom swung the bat and hit him again in the shoulder. He threw the bat out the window and smiled, "I can get used to living here."

End.

Preview to tomorrow!

Tom: Heh…sweet.

Flame-Chan: Move over, I'm doing this

Tom: Okay, okay

Flame-Chan: Next time on Fun Force…Rhea's OTHER horrible secret is revealed

Tom: Is it dirty?

Flame-Chan: But of course!

Rhea: It's all about appearances. How you look at the situation and such.

Flame-Chan: All I can say is that in involves pussy

Rhea: This is what I mean

Tom: Let me do this part…next episode of Fun Force is called Pussy Blues

Flame-Chan: It's unquestionably odd