The Last Laugh

(Chapter I dedicated to Jenna and Sophie)

Chapter I

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Aphrodite. I am an immortal goddess in case you haven't guessed by now. For you more ignorant mortals, however, I suppose I shall have to give you a brief history of myself and the circumstances surrounding this story.

I am the goddess of love, beauty, and sexuality. Occasionally I am in charge in matters over marriage. (This upsets Hera a great deal since that is one of her duties and she has a great paucity in duties already!)

I have thick, wavy, yellow hair, the color of fresh hay. My hair is very long. In fact, it comes down to below my knees. I also have blue eyes, the color of a spring sky. I am of medium height. I have the prettiest triangular shaped nose, which curves slightly at the end.

My father is Zeus, the imperial king of the gods. My mother was one of his several consorts, a mortal named Dione.

When I say several I do mean several. I counted once, and found out that as of then, he has had 18 affairs with both mortals and immortals alike.

Unfortunately for me, that blithering idiot, Hera, is married to Zeus and she is the goddess of marriage, as well as queen of the gods, so you can guess how happy she is about this! It also didn't help that I became the goddess of beauty and, because of that, grew to be much more beautiful than she is.

I won't say that Hera is ugly. In fact I must admit she is fairly attractive. Like myself she has beautiful, thick eyelashes and rosy pink cheeks. However, she has dull brown hair and brown eyes. She also has a nose that looks very much like that of a pig, to be frank.

I can understand her being mad at him for all his affairs but why be mad at my mother and me? My mother had no choice. What could she have done, by Zeus? Say no to the king of the gods? He'd kill her and who knows whom else!

Anyway, because of that she has held a gargantuan grudge against me ever since, (the immortal don't just hold little grudges they hold gargantuan grudges) and eventually "got back" at me. (The immature frump!)

Do you know what that nosy scoundrel did? She put buttered up to her little hubby and got me a husband of my own!