Concerned American: Mr. President, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Didn't you promise to bring him in,

Dead or Alive?

Heard he's still kickin'

'Round the Middle East.

Where the heck is he?

Mr. President: I'm not at liberty to say. We believe he is still alive so every American needs to support our troops.

Concerned American: Didn't you duck Vietnam?

So what business do you have

Shippin' a boatload of Americans

To die in some godforsaken desert?

Mr. President: I am not at liberty to say at this point in time. Just support our troops.

Concerned American: On one of his tapes,

Osama Bin Laden called Saddam

A "secular infidel."

So why would he have anything

To do with Saddam?

Mr. President: Because he's eee-vil.

The Middle East is full of eee-vildoers

Bound together by their hatred of all that's good and holy.

Concerned American: Then what do you call Saudi Arabia?

A bunch of pampered princelings

Who give money to terrorists.

Why haven't you denounced them?

No, apparently Saudi Arabia is our friend.

Mr. President: Saudi Arabia is a chief ally.

Concerned American: You mean a chief source of oil.

You seem blissfully unaware of our Allies' flaws.

China has a grotesque human rights record,

Osama's rumoured to be hiding out in Pakistan,

The Puppet monarchy in Saudi Arabia shelters

And funds terrorism,

And Israel has a good stockpile of nukes

And has displaced numerous Arabs.

Mr. President: I do believe Ariel Sharon is a man of peace.

Concerned American: We propped up Saddam

And gave him his weapons

During the eighties, to take out Iran.

Isn't it kind of hypocritical to create a monster

Then complain when it crushes a few buildings?

Mr. President: You don't understand!

Saddam has used his weapons

On his own people.

Concerned American: So has North Korea.

In the Congo,

There are an estimated

30 million dead.

So why not them?

In fact, you sure didn't care

All those years ago when Saddam

Was gassing and torturing the Kurds.

Maybe it's because you can't power cars

With kimchi.

Mr. President: I am not at liberty to say.

Concerned American: Bechtel and Halliburton have all stepped in to help rebuild Iraq.

Isn't it nice to have the people stepping in to help

Especially when they helped create the monster to begin with.

Just what business do we have

Interfering in the politics of another country?

You expect the Iraqi people to embrace us with open arms

After we've toppled their leader and killed most of their countrymen?

Mr. President: The United States is the policemen of the world.

Collateral Damage is to be expected

During a war.

Concerned American: So the United States always acts with noble intentions?

Tell that to Salvador Allende and the thousands of Chileans

That disappeared after our staged coup.

Tell that to those who suffered under Batista in Cuba.

Tell that to Jacobo Arbenz.

Tell that to Smedley Butler of the U.S. Marine Corps,

Who called war "a racket."

Closer still, tell that to the former prime minister of Iran,

Mossadegh, and those who suffered under the Ayatollah.

Mr. President: I've had enough of those treasonous lies!

John Ashcroft! Take her away!