THE TURNING POINT

There come a time in all of our lives when events unfold around us that we have no control over, you just have to go with the flow of time. Time is one of life's most precious committees because once you waste or lose time it never comes back, you cannot get more. Time is like death, our entire existence is spent waiting for death and like time once death is here you cannot ever get life back. Sometimes after someone's death it is hard to get you own life back on the right path, let alone try and fix somebody else's.

Death is a very strange part of life some people fear death all their life, others like my self will embrace death when it comes for us.

I am a twenty-year-old collage student, I work full time at a bank, and I have been engaged for two years life could not be better right. Well on the outside I seem happy as can be, but on the inside my true self is ripping at my insides to be released. It was not always like this I used to be happy with life, I used to anticipate every moment that I could spend with my significant other but it all changed at one point, I keep asking myself were did it all go so wrong? I vent my rage and frustration with life by doing thing that I used to never do until about a year ago. I drink to be free and leave all my cares behind me; I've smoked pot for a number of months now to erase the pain that is in me if just for a little while. I lie to my future wife about whom and was I'm going to be at. I party more than I do school work and in all of that I am still unhappy.

As I said about death earlier I would gladly take what the Grim Reaper has in store for me whatever it be the sooner the better, but just because I feel that way about my own life by no means that I feel that way about others. On March 26th 2003 my life was changed forever, My friend Greg Sanders was killed in Iraq fighting for our country. I could not believe that somebody I know and that I care for was killed 1200 miles away in the hot dry sand. I think about how he was killed shot in the head by a coward sniper. I just hope that he had a friend there with him when he was dyeing. The worst part is that he left behind a 14-month-old litle girl and a 22-year-old wife. It's just so damn unfair that somebody with so much pride and charisma to fight for us was killed and a person like me is still here. I have had other relatives die and be killed for another mortals hand, but this was different this was a reality check a wake up call you my say. You see when my friend was killed the pain was nothing I have ever felt before it felt as if my heart was just breaking over and over and over. For awhile I was having the worst nightmares you can think of I do not sleep for days. I was beginning to think that the pain would never subside that I would have to live with it, but slowly it began to change from rage and hate to a mellow fire that now burns inside me now. To this day I can't understand why god would take away a husband and a father to be killed so unjustly it seems so unfair. I began to as if god had turned his back on me, but now that I think about it maybe I have turned my back on god.

I can't really say when it was that I last turned to god to cry for help. I have so many things happen to me that I feel as if the world is against me that I am all on my own, but I know that is not true. I have great friends that I can talk to about anything and I have a great relationship with my parents. So maybe the problem is with myself, I feel as if I'm trapped in my own mind.

I know that the world is not against me but I do know that I am against the world.