~ Chapter 12: Confessions ~

There comes a time in a person's life when one is forced between two primitive choices: fight or flee. Neither choices are wrong, nor are they right but for a man, it is only a matter of whether what he did was "righter" than the other choice. Enzo had found himself in this exact same position. Would he be "slightly" right if he chose to pretend that he did not feel this way (whatever "this way" was) about Cristina, or would he be "absolutely" right if he were to tell her what he felt (but what is it that he feels about her?)?

Would he be less of a man if he did show Cristina who he is—but, who is he? Is he a boy? Of course not! How could he only be a boy at thirteen? He has taken good care of his little cousin, Agueda, and he has been everything his mother could ever want him to be: kind, generous, and a loyal servant of God. Oh no...how could I be a loyal servant of God if the thought of Cristina's nipp—NO! Nonononono! I must banish these impure thoughts! What would mother think of me? What would God do to me? I would be banished to hell for my sins! He thought to himself, but my feelings for her are pure and I do love her with all my heart and soul! God will surely forgive me if my intentions lead me towards the sacrament of marriage. My mother will not think any less of me if I did propose to her. He paused for a moment. I should propose to her. It is only right and just that I do this! He says to himself in hurried excitement. I must rush over to meet her—but of course! We are visiting them later for brunch. His heart pounded heavily against his already heaving chest. He could feel the blood coursing down his veins, and every bit of muscle tingle with excitement (and fear in case Cristina rejected his proposal) at the thought of being with her (he had no idea what "being with her" meant). He was going to propose to her. He could not wait another day longer to say what he had to say to her.

~ Brunch at the Coronels ~

The air around Cristina, Gav, and Enzo was dead.

~A few minutes before brunch~

Cristina was seated down at the lanai with Angela. Angela had dragged her older sister down with her to the lanai for both Agueda and Enzo. Indeed she was excited to see Agueda, but her true intention was to see if anything were to happen between her older sister and Enzo. She had always known that Enzo liked her older sister, and that her sister had liked him too. She had spent many nights imagining what it was like to be in her sister's shoes—to have someone like Enzo court her, and to have someone like Gav want her as well. It certainly felt thrilling to have so many boys pay attention to her. They could do so many things together like stroll down the riverbank, compliment each other for their good looks, and then hold hands as they watched the sunset. It was a pretty picture in her mind. It could work for her, but she knew that Enzo was her sister's and it would not be right if she were to intrude in their affair. For now, she could live her romances through her older sister. Surely she would have a better one than her sister in the future.

Cristina could feel little beads of sweat form on top of her forehead. Deep inside of her, she badly wanted to see Enzo and say something to him. Perhaps to say to him how much she does not understand why she keeps thinking of him? She thought in the third person. You're not making any sense, Cristina! Why would anyone say something as pathetic as that to anyone? She scolded herself. So what? Should I tell him about the weather? How it must be so hot today that he must be breaking in a sweat and would probably want a glass of water? Is that it? She answered herself back. Yes! Be sensible. You are Cristina. You are a sensible young woman who knows how to conduct herself in front of her guests. You are gracious. You are kind. You are like the Virgin Mary. She tell herself. She folds her hands neatly over her lap and sits with her back straight. She is now ready to receive Enzo. She can do what is right.

As Enzo and Agueda make their way to the Coronels, Agueda spots Gav from a distance. She immediately runs behind Enzo and tries to disappear from Gav's line of vision.

"Cousin Enzo!" Gav jeers. He runs towards both Enzo. "Why, look who we have here! It's none other than the beautiful Agueda. Are you hiding behind your cousin because you don't want to blind anyone with your beauty?" He teases and flashes her a flirtatious smile. Agueda shrinks further behind Enzo. Enzo steps forward and positions himself in between Agueda and Enzo. "Hello cousin," he says slowly and eyes him from head to toe. He slowly brings his gaze up to meet Gav's jeering eyes. He continues, "what brings you here?" Gav fakes a pained expression. "Why, I'm here to visit the Coronels like you! I happen to be very fond of the family, and I thought I would bring them these." He shoves a bouquet of red flowers in front of Enzo's reddening face.

"So what brings you over to the Coronels? Is it to...hmmm, what can it be? Does it begin with a-"

"STOP!" Enzo slaps the bouquet away from his face.

"Stop it, Gav. You don't need to say anything more."

"I haven't even said any-"

"STOP. I do not need you to say anything more. You are frightening Agueda."

"Really?" He squats down to meet Agueda's face. "Do I frighten you, beautiful one?" She looks into his sweet eyes. She shakes her head. He smiles. She feels her heart leap. She turns away and blushes a deep crimson red.

"I don't see what you mean by "you are frightening Agueda", dear cousin. It seems to me that you may be the one who is frightened of me, and not her." He grinned.

"Of course not! You're jumping into the wrong conclusions."

"Oh. I see. I apologize for a slight err in my judgment."

"Apology accepted. Shall we make ourselves known to them?"

"Yes." They both knocked on the heavy narra door. A maidservant answered it. Angela came running down the lanai with her sister, Cristina behind to receive their guests.

"Agui! You're here!" She bounces up excitedly and grabs hold of her right arm. "Let's go upstairs now! I have a new game to show you!"

"But-"

"Let's go!" They climbed up halfway until Angela stopped, squatted down, and beckoned Agueda to imitate her. "Shhhh!" Agueda looks at her with a huge question mark all over her face. "It's a new game that I call romance." She says in a low hushed voice. She continues. "We watch the older ones talk to one another and pretend that we are them. Of course, we have to be quiet the whole time. We are trying to pretend that we are in a dream, but we are actually here." She scratches her head. "Something like that, Agui. Do you understand?" Agueda nods her head and pretends to understand. "Good. Let's begin the game!"

Cristina's feet feel like stone. There was something terribly wrong with this month. She could not figure out so many things in her life. For example, she could not quite figure out how to perfect a certain stitch on her embroidery no matter how many times she practiced the stitch based on the the manual. Also, she could not understand why her perfectly straight her would sometimes split at its ends despite the care and attention she gave it day and night. Last of all, she could not understand why she could not understand her own mind and heart. Why was she feeling so many different things at the same time? Her mind could not grasp the overwhelming nature of her psyche. Why was she changing so much? She could not understand who she was in front of these two boys. It was unnerving how she could not understand who she was in their presence. It was especially worse when she was in Enzo's presence.

"Cristina!" Gav presents her a bouquet of roses. She blinks and then regains composure. "Gav", she says almost out of breath and then she looks to his side, "Enzo". Enzo nods solemnly. She reaches out to receive the roses only to have Gav lean in to kiss her hand. Enzo snaps his head in their direction and shoots daggers through his eyes. Cristina raises her other left arm to shield herself from the imaginary daggers and pulls away her other arm from Gav's kiss.

"Thank you for the flowers, Gav." She breathes in deeply and then turns towards the maidservants' quarters. "Linda!" The maidservant rushes in with her head slightly bowed down. "Please put these in the vase there." She gestures towards the empty vase in the lanai. The maidservant takes the bouquet and rushes off to plant them in the vase. She breathes in deeply again and turns slowly to face the two boys. "Let's have brunch." She leads them towards the dining table and seats them on opposite ends.

~Brunch~

Dead air. Cristina is breathing dead air. What does one do in between two boys in the dining room? Say something. She turns to Enzo.

"I hear that you will be studying abroad next-"

"Cristina." He interrupts her before she could finish her question. He stands up abruptly. He turns to reach down for her hands and faces her. "We need to talk." Cristina's face pales.

"But we are talking!"

"No we are not talking."

"Then what do you call this?" She almost shouts at the top of her lungs. He stands back. Gav is about to open his mouth before Enzo forces Cristina out of her seat and drags her into the library. Enzo shuts the door close behind him and Cristina and locks the door.

"We need to talk." He insists. He corners her to the door. Her back is pinned against the hard narra door. Her mouth trembles. Her heart races. "Cristina, please." He softens. She quiets herself down. She raises her eyes to meet his. Her heart begins to race again.

"What do we need to talk about?"

"I love you." He blurts out. She heart beats as fast as the speed of light.What do I do now? He loves me? What does he mean by that? He loves me? She panics and tries to reach for the doorknob behind her. He grabs her hand and pins her against the door with his weight. He kisses her slowly and hungrily. She feels him eating her mouth, begging her to let him inside of her. She feels his deep hunger for her. It is so primitive and so full of pleasure that she lets his tongue slide into her mouth. She can taste him so well that her mind is overcome with the novelty of the flavors in his mouth. She hungers for him too. She pulls him deeper into her. Deeper until her mouth bruises. Deeper until he scatters kisses all over her face and down her neck. Deeper until he bites her neck and she lets out a sharp cry. She pushes him away.

"Enzo!" He stops his advances. "What are we doing?" She says in a half cry. He looks at her feeling lost and betrayed. "What are we doing?" She repeats herself and rubs the bruise forming on her neck. His eyes see the marks that he had left on her. Realization hits him. He goes down on his knees.

"Cristina, I am so sorry. It is my fault. It is all my fault. I should have never-"

"No, Enzo! It is also my fault. We must repent for our sins. I must return back to God. I must give myself back to him-"

"No Cristina! Marry me. Please marry me. Please be with me." He says as if he were almost out of breath.

"No Enzo. This is wrong. We have let the devil enter us."

"No Cristina! There is nothing wrong with this." She shakes her head and smiles sadly. She continues. "I see that you don't understand the gravity of our sin before God, Enzo. We have let ourselves become the vessels of the devil. I will not let us be that way. I will save both of us, Enzo. We should have known better. I cannot marry you because I will give myself to God. I will carry our sins for both of us, repent, and pray each day and night for us."

"But Cristina! We can make this right by getting married!"

"No." She rebuked. "I still feel the devil in me, Enzo. It is only through God's loving kindness and forgiveness that I will be cleansed of this. No. This is where it ends." She reaches out for the doorknob and opens the door.