1DRIVER: These looneys are taking forever. Hope I get home in time to watch my show. Days of our Lives comes on in (checks watch) two hours.
(all looneys are in there respective seats by now and the driver sits and starts to drive)
COMICAL DR BOB: Knock, knock!
LAYTON: Who's there?
COMICAL DOCTOR BOB: Fire extinguisher.
LAYTON: Fire extinguisher who?
COMICAL DR BOB: I'm gonna hit you in the head with a fire extinguisher! (raises foam lightsaber)
(both laugh, stopping abruptly)
(ComicalDrBob hits Layton on the head with the foam lightsaber)
LAYTON: Oooooooooow!
(pause and they both start laughing again, stop laughing when tibby takes one of the lightsabers and pokes colleen with it)
TIBBY: We KNOW it was you, dont deny it!
COLLEEN: nope! you'll NEVER get a confession out of me! never! never! NEVER! (pause) ALRIGHT! I admit it! I sabataged Tibby's computer in an attempt to steal his last remaining pistachio nut! YOU CAUGHT ME! BUT YOU'LL NEVER FIND THE PISTACHIO! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! this is only the beginning! (evil chuckle)
COLLEEN: AHahahaha! (stops laughing abruptly and looks around suspiciously)
TIBBY: I was away doing stuff. Stuff is fun! Plotting and planning and generally wrecking havoc on all low life forms and making this necklace with a little rubber plug.
(shows off necklace and all others are in awe)
COLLEEN: TIBBY! YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE BACK! Evil internet computer plots designed to TAKE OVER THE EXISTING WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!
(tibby points finger at Colleen)
COLLEEN: (nervous laugh) "me? obsessive compulsive?! Oooooo no siry! Not me? me? nah! never!" (shifty eyes)
COMICAL DR. BOB: We missed you! We cried many tears of kool-aid! (pause) Mmm kool-aid...
BAST: Im HUNGRY
LAYTON: Me to there are these workmen in the office & they are blocking
the fridge & the lunch room to eat In
BAST: Wull you should take some pistachios and throw them in the opposite direction of the fridge and when they are clawing at each other in attempt to capture the pistachios you should run and take the fridge! I will help you!
LAYTON: YAY! Great idea
COMICAL DR BOB: The fridge...is filled with orange juice! Once you open that fridge, sticky orange fluid will muss your hair, and destroy your Sunday best! The other day I got an 'A' on Paranoia Rebirth!
COLLEEN: (raises right hand, putting other hand on heart) Fridges are evil
COMICAL DR BOB: (repeats the action) Yes. Yes they are
(comical dr bob and colleen exchange a meaningful and all knowing glance)
BAST: When you eat rice it needs to be cooked becasue its too hard to eat raw but when rice is raw you can put it in tins or something to make meracas. (nodds and grins as if just said something really important)
(tibby hits bast with the foam lightsaber as the driver stops driving)
DRIVER: You looney's be goodback there! I'm going into Tim's here to get myself a coffee!
COLLEEN: Oh no! Your not going to leave us here alone? On the bus? Have you heard of the things that happen on the bus?
BAST: Oh driver man?
DRIVER: What?
BAST: (points to tibby) We're twins!
DRIVER: Toonies..
(driver exits)
LAYTON: I'm bored!
COMICAL DR BOB: Let's dance!
(they all standup and dance the bunny-hop off of the bus and exit stage)
(driver returns)
DRIVER: That was the best three dollars I've ever spent. (notices the lunitics are gone) Oh no! My looneys are gone!
(tourists enter scene speaking on foreign languages)
(drivers gets great idea and pulls a sign from behind himself with "FREE TOURS OF THE MULYSA" written on it)
(tourists notice the sign and go over, taking pictures of the bus, themselves in front of the bus until the driver gets annoyed and escorts them into the bus)
(a phone ringing is heard and the drivers answers)
DRIVER: Hello? ...Oh hello sir... No, no the loon-er, the patients are on their way. We're almost there... Okay sir... Yes sir... Goodbye sir.
(driver hangs up)
(the tourists continue to take pictures of things and play with the neat things they've acquired on their trip, if any.)
(The driver stops driving and escorts the tourists off of the bus)
DRIVER: Right this way! Right this way! You will be greeted by a person called an 'Orderly' and that person with give you a tour of the factory and, if your lucky, give you a brand new white jacket with straps and shiney gold buckles!
(ORDERLY enters and takes the tourists offstage. They go willingly, excited and one takes a picture of the orderly. Orderly takes the camera away)
ORDERLY: You won't need this where you're going.
(tourists look confused and they exit with the orderly)
(driver, pleased with himself, heads to walk off the other side of the stage. 3/4's the way there, one lunitic runs by flapping arms)
TIBBY: I'm a butterfly! I'm a butterfly!
(goes unnoticed by the driver and upon the drivers complete exit offstage, the rest of the lunitics run by in a group waving their arms as if holding a butterfly net)
GROUP: Catch the butterfly! Catch the butterfly!