He didn't know where he was going. Just walking down the street, the meadow, the parking lot — wherever this path that was actually nonexistent would lead him. Foot in front of foot, arms swinging to the side, he generally tended to look down. What was there to look at anyway? The trees and flowers reminded him of spring and spring made him think of her. She loved this season. Said it made her think about how she would also one day grow into a beautiful flower. He'd answered that she already was one, but she insisted that to grow perfect you needed time. But now... now she couldn't play in the sunshine. Spring was hidden from her. Not able to look outside anymore, she was all locked up. And he had dreamed of her, heard her voice in the depth of the night.
Please, sir, can I just walk around the grounds? You can send someone with me. Please, sir. Please, will you let me look out of a window? I want to see the flowers. Or can you at least bring some in for me to smell? Please, sir?
She always was polite. He assumed she still was, but how would he know? She had been away from him for almost three years. Three years was a long time.
He turned a corner and walked into a store. He didn't even know what store, he was just looking down. The radio was on, a song with beautiful accompaniment flowing out of the speakers
...You know where you've sent her, you sure know where you are. You're trying to ease off, but you know you won't get far. And now she's up there, sings like an angel, but you can't hear those words. And now she's up there, sings like an angel... Unforgivable Sinner...With this he left the store. He didn't even turn to see where he had been. That song made him shake uncontrollably and he sped up to a run. ...You know where you've sent her, you sure know where you are... He wished those words would just leave his mind. It was if there was someone who knew it was his fault, even though it was just a song.
...Unforgivable Sinner...He tried to think about something else. He had played baseball yesterday. It had been a beautiful day and he'd hit a home run. Just like the day she was cheering in the crowd, before falling down. That's what the doctors said caused it all. But he knew better. After she'd fallen, he'd run over. He'd first taken care of her, then yelled. If he had been more kind, then maybe things would be different. She was a sensitive girl. Or maybe she would be better if he hadn't hurt her in the first place.
No, he was supposed to get her out of his mind. She was dead to him now. She... she'd died in a car accident. No... She was just a bad dream. Yes, a bad dream, and that was all.But in his heart he knew otherwise. She was an angel. No, a nightmare that was now buried in his mind. And nothing, nothing, would dig it up.
He kept on running. The silver street that had been shining in the rain had taken him to a dirt road. He didn't know anything other than the fact that the path he was on was brown. His sister had brown hair and blue eyes. Like her eyes. Except she had blonde hair. No, she was... not real. But his sister was.
His path suddenly stopped dead. He was at gray stone steps now. He looked up, for the first time since he'd started, and saw a big sign. St. John's Mental Hospital. His path, no matter what he wanted, always seemed to lead to her.
... Unforgivable Sinner... Author's Note:
Author's Note:The lyrics to Unforgivable Sinner aren't mine, they belong to Lene Marlin and the people that work with her. The words just kinda matched the story, as I came to discover. It was not part of the plan I didn't have.