By the way, if you like this you can read my other story, Fallen Angel. It's a short story, and not comedic, but I like it :)
So, I hope you laugh yourself to death [but not before you review!] over this fanfic!
Enjoy and voila!)
"Miss!" said a voice, shaking me out of my sleep "Miss! Wake up."
I woke up and stared at two glowing yellow eyes. Only logic kept me from shrieking. There was no such thing as monsters... right?
I sat straight up and stared at the yellow eyes, wide and bulbous as lightbulbs. My mouth went dry and I clicked on my reading lamp. Then I shrieked. It was actually more like a muffled squeak, like a mouse that's been stepped on. But I guess it was a shriek.
I shrieked mostly it was because it was unexpected, and partly because it was strange and should not exist. It was by no means scary, and was actually quite cute. It was sitting on my floor, hands/paws clasped, staring up at me earnestly, eyes wide and innocent.
It looked kind of like a weasel, but larger. It was a soft white/beige color, like tropical sand. it was speckled with darker, milk chocolate color. Soft, featrhered wings were folded neatly on it's back. A long, ferret-like tail swept the floor, and those big, innocent, beady eyes were ever staring. Long, thick whiskers, the color of cream, twitched on fuzzy cheeks.
"Miss," it said again, "Miss, have you any cheese?"
The request made me nearly fall out of bed. I clutched my Harry Potter quilt, the tacky one my aunt had given me, and my jaw dropped nearly to the floor. My eyes popped out.
"What are you?" I asked "WHO are you?"
"Miss, I am Spork," he answered, in that same humble tone."I am a fleegit."
"Spork?" I said, rasing an eyebrow, but saying nothing.
"Yes, Miss," he said "I am Spork. Have you any cheese humble Spork could have, Miss, please?"
I rubbed my eyes and pinched myself to make sure this wasn't all a very strange dream. What was a flying weasel named after an eating utensil doing in my room asking me for cheese? and what, pray tell, was a fliejit?
"Err... yes I have cheese," I said "Why do you wan't cheese?"
"Spork is hungry, Miss... Spork cannot eat most Earth foods. But Spork likes cheese. And Spork can eat cheese without getting sick. Bubble gum" - he shuddered- "makes Spork feel icky. Bubblegum is hard for Spork to digest."
I didn't bother explaining that bubblegum wasn't supposed to be digested in the first place. I just stared, trying not to laugh hysterically like I usually do when something like this happens... err... not like I'd ever had fleegit's in my room, but you know what I mean... yeah.
I blinked, but got up, skirting Spork, and made my way down the stairs, Spork scampering behind me. I opened the fridge and took out a block of marble cheese. I unwrapped it and put it on the floor.
Spork eyed it. "Miss...?" he said tentatively "May Spork have a knife, please?"
"A knife?" I asked, wondering if he was planning my murder or something, or maybe he wanted to eat my cat. I scooped Oreo up protectively.
"Yes. Spork likes his cheese cut." he said, hands folded like he was a squirrel or something.
"Oh." I said, feeling stupid. I handed him a knife, after putting Oreo down and booting him into the living room.
"May Spork also have a plate to eat the cheese on?"
Obediantly I handed him a plate. He began to slice the cheese into little slices, and then he handed me back the knife. Then he took a slice and began to nibble on it like a squirrel nibbles a pine cone. When he was finally done eating, he lay back and patted his belly.
"Spork thanks you muchly, Miss," he said, sighing contentedly, long whiskers twitching. "What is your name, Miss?"
"My name is Chelsea," I said "Chelsea Dewitt."
"Thank you very much, Miss Chelsea." he said, reaching out a paw and shaking my hand rapidly. He let go and stood up, watching me.
"Why are you here?" I asked him "I've never heard of a..." I searched for the name.
"Fleegit, Miss Chelsea."
"Yeah... fleegit. Well, I son't think that they're supposed to exist."
"Well, Miss Chelsea, I came here from my world in search of THE GOLDEN SPORK OF DOOM AND FLEEGITNESS!"
He said that suprisingly loud I covered my ears protectively and cringed.
"Shhhh!" I said "The neighbors will think we're weird! You're lucky my parents are on vacation, and that my sitter Catherine is out with her boyfriend. And it's a good thing I managed to convince her that she could leave me alone for a few hours. If not, you'd be fleegitting in the local zoo."
"What is a zoo, Miss Chelsea?" he asked.
"A place where they put animals so people can gawk at them and throw pretzels at them to make them do things."
"Nevermind," I said, sighing. "What is the golden spork of doom and fleegitness?"
"THE GOLDEN SPORK OF DOOM AND FLEEGITNESS is my master, Miss. He wen't missing though, Miss, and was stolen by an Earth being. He is magical, and the earth people wants to sell him. I am trying to find him, Miss, but I was hungry."
"Well, next time make sure that you do't go barging into people's houses at midnight, or you might be caught."
"And put in the place that people throw pretzels?"
Just then a car door slammed, and I heard the sound of voices, one female and one male. A giggle, a shout, and another slamming door. Then the distinct sound of high heels clicking on concrete.
I didn't stop to think, just grabbed Spork and padded as fast as I could up the stairs.
I ran into my room, and swung open the closet and threw him inside, on a pile of my old shoes. "Don't make one sound," I hissed at him.
"Chelsea?" I heard Catherine call "Chels, are you awake?"
I closed the closet door, lept into bed and pulled up the covers. I made my voice as sleepy as I could and made a yawning sound. "I am now..." I said.
Catherine clopped up the stairs and peered in.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"
"Nah, I was dozing I guess."
"Okay... Would you like a snack?" she asked. I paused. it would be better to get her out, even for a minute. "Sure..." I said. She left and I heard Spork stir in there.
"Not yet! She's not gone yet!" I said.
"Pardon?!" yelled Catherine from the kitchen. I cringed. Oopsie... "Err... I just said that we didn't buy any cheese yet!" I improvised.
"Oh... well I was going to make nachos," she said "But I'll just make popcorn instead."
She finished the popcorn, gave me a bowl of it, and said good night. She closed the door, and I sighed in relief. I waited till the door to the guest room closed, and turned on the light, dim. Then I threw open the closet door.
Spork had one paw over his shiny black nose, and said "Miss Chelsea, I think you need to clean these shoes. They smell really bad and icky... like mouldy cheese."