Scene 2

[scene opens on small living Room, night time, Tom, Rob and Joe standing on their own, Tom looking slightly nervous]

Joe: Why did we agree to this? [disbelief]

Tom: I believe the phrase 'chicken' comes to mind when Rob comes to talking to his girlfriend

Rob: Hey shut up. That would be funny Tom, if you could actually score with anything with an iq higher than a duck.

Tom: (pulling face) oh so funny! (looking innocent) hey, so some of them believe me when I say that paying for all the dates we go on that they were simply appreciative of talent, and securing themselves in my heart for ever in true love leaving me with more money to spend on them;That doesn't say anything about their iq, just more about how gullible they are, and how much money I now have to spend on 'them' [grins, looks at fingernails, face expectant for praise]

Joe: That's not damn funny Tom, but they take this so seriously that they hissed at me in study hall for taking you away from them.

(Rob and Tom snigger, before bursting out laughing)

Tom: (end laughing, laughing 'voice') seriously, that happened to you?

(girl walks down stairs, smiles at Rob)

Rob: [smiles back] uh, hi Jess!

Joe:[dopey voice, barney the dinosaur, quietly] uhhh hi Jess! Will you be my friend? [clasps his hands in front of him, bats eyes]

[Joe and Tom snigger]

Jessica: Hi Rob, (disgusted) but why have you got these two with you? (sighs) let me guess, Tom got his finger stuck up his nose again while searching for the pea he snorted up there in fifth grade and asked you to help him get it out? (rolls eyes)

Tom: No I was searching for the memory when you didn't use the words 'like', that is so totally last week', and 'whatever' in the same sentence. Y'know, I think there are pills for that? [bright grin]

[Rob and Jessica walk away, holding hands]

Jessica: [mutter] Retards

Tom: like, totally whatever!

Rob: [Mouthing] Go, go now!

Tom: [over acts looking puzzled, puts hand on chin, etc, looks quizzical, holds hand to ear

Scene cuts to..

Scene 3

[ Scene happening at same time as Scene 4]

[Tom opens screen door, steps outside, sits on small brick wall bordering porch. Joe sits down on Deck chair facing the driveway]

[elderly cat walks in, miaows, Joe bends down and strokes cat, scratches under her chin, she purrs, curls upon floor, tail sticking out]

Tom: Why do you think Jess hates us?

Joe: She always has Tom, you just didn't notice because you never really talked with her. The only reason that she's now 'come out of her shell' into full blown hatred of us is because we're Rob's friends, and she has an excuse to ,as she sees us most of the time she sees Rob.

Tom: Hey, I told you not to 'accompany' Rob on their first date. I don't think Jess appreciated that every time he tried to kiss him you offered them pop corn or grabbed one of them and said 'hold me hold me, it's so damn scary'

Joe: [indignantly] Hey! That movie was damn scary, and I wanted to stop them from doing anything inappropriate!

Tom: [smiling] Joe, that movie was called 'Happyville'. There was nothing scary about that!

Joe: [picking up lighted porch light, begins to swing it] yeah well, it was to me. [swings porch light]

Tom: How long does it take for Rob to say I'm going to france for the summer, see you later'

Scene 4

Outside [Jess walks over to a swing, sits down, pushes herself with her feet, looks at the ground]

Rob:[Coming up behind her] Look, Jess, the reason I wanted to talk to you was that we want to go away for the summer.

Jess: We?

Rob:[Looking uncomfortable] Me Joe and Tom want to go to Lake Michigan for the summer, as counsellors, to teach kids.

Jess:[Looking angry/hurt ] Why are you going with those losers Rob? And how the hell can those two teach kids. Joe can't even tie his shoe laces! I thought you were going to stay here, [softly] with me.

Rob: I know..but I've..

Jess: [interrupting, angrily] Why don't you care about me Rob? I though this meant something to you, rather than going away with your stupid friends to get pissed all summer

Rob: you do Jess, but I have to have some time to myself, and to be with my friends, I do understand but I really want to go, surely you can understand that?

Jess: I'm sorry Rob I just thought that we were spending the summer together, rather than you going off to another state and cheating on me

Rob: [angrily] look, why do you have to be so damn insecure?

[Loud crash, Jessica and Rob look startled, both run towards front of house]

Jess: What have those two retards done now?

[Front of house, Rob and Tom looking sheepish, staring at burning front porch, loud miaow can be heard from inside]

Jess: [shouting] Why the hell is my porch on fire? [second loud miaow can be heard] Misty? [runs forward to bottom step of porch] Jesus! What have you done to my cat you bastards?

[she tries to run up to porch, fire beats her back]

Joe: Well what do you expect if you leave porch lights and me alone?

Tom:[protesting] it wasn't all our fault! we at least tried to put out the cat's tail!

Joe: It's just that stamping on it's tail didn't seem to do aaalll that much good, it just seemed to scream even more and burrow into Tom's trousers

Tom: If it's not the wrong time, I really think you should pay for my dry cleaning bills, [gay/camp voice] those burns will be so hard to remove, not to mention the blood! [surveys his trousers] [piece of porch roof falls in, strangled miaow and then silence]

Jess:[starting to cry, through tears] You fucking bastards.

Rob:[cutting in] hey-

Jess: Shut up for a minute Rob. [to Joe and Tom] Never, EVER come anywhere near here again, or you'll wish you lived in France!

Joe: hey,, we didn't mean to kill your cat!

Tom: It was just an accident!

Jess: [angrily] Look, just go! Now.

Joe: [still smiling] Miaow Jessica, no need to get so bitchy!

Jess: Miaow? What the hell do you mean by that? You've just killed my cat and all you do is make cat jokes? Jesus, you are so damn full of yourself!

Rob:[To Joe and Tom] Look I'll see you guys later, we've got to deal with the fire

[sirens in the background]

Joe: Oh crap! C'mon, lets go! [wide eyed look][to Rob, calling over his shoulder] look, if anyone asks about how it started, tell them the cat was playing with matches or something.

[Joe and Tom EXIT running down street to car]

Rob: [calling down street] Ok! If anyone asks I'll tell them the cat stumbled across a zippo and decided to end it's life

Jess: [hugging Rob] why are you friends with them?

Rob: [softly] Why do you hate them? Jess: It's just I..

Rob: I know.

[Firemen arrive]

Rob: [smiling] do you remember calling the fire brigade?

Jess: [frowning, slightly sarcastic] no, I'm sure I didn't, I was too involved with the fact that my cat was burning to death to do so!

Rob: Why are you constantly shouting at me as though this is my fault? I haven't done anything, all I did was come out with you! Why are all your problems blamed on me? [shakes head][calmly] Bye Jess. [walks away, his hands in his pockets]

Jess: Rob! I didn't mean-

Rob: [turning around, interrupting Jess] Goodbye Jess!

Jess: [upset, speaking to herself quietly, tear stained face] damn.

Scene fades