DISCLAIMER: This is a sort of re-telling of the Bible creation story... with goofiness. If you are offended by this in any way, please remember that I too am a Christian, and am not just doing this to tick people off. I am just borrowing the writing style and some references. So please read with an open mind, and enjoy!
The New Myth
1 In the beginning, there was nothing save four nameless gods. 2 The first god did proclaim, Let us attempt to create a world, to demonstrate and bring forth our our own mightiness. 3 And the second god did reply, I agree. Let us create a world in which all beings worship none but us. 4 And the third god did exclaim, Let us create a world in which no name shall be uttered save ours. 5 And the fourth god did speaketh, Let us create a world in which we actually HAVE names, or did you forget, numbskull.
6 And so the four nameless gods did entitle themselves. 7 The first named itself as Kilbaranon. 8 And the second did name itself as Aribantwen. 9 And the third did name itself as Demitor. 10 And the fourth did name itself as Mister Gee. 11 When the naming was decided, Kilbaranon spoke forth, and did say As I thought of the idea first, I shall thus rule over the most powerful beings on the completed world when it is finished. 12 And Aribantwen did say, Then I shall rule over the elements themselves, and govern the sky, land and sea. 13 And Demitor did say, Then I shall be the ruler of all other living things, such as beasts and trees. 14 As the others were saying these things, Mister Gee did play with Lego and heard nothing.
15 At the beginning of the creation, Aribantwen did speak to Mister Gee, saying As you did not claim a partaking in our creation, you shall not be permitted to join us. And as Aribantwen said this, Mister Gee did play on the Playstation 2 and heard nothing. 16 And so Aribantwen became angry with Mister Gee, and did say From this moment you will never more be part of the Great Creation. You shall forever be condemned to a life of sorrow. The children of our earth will scorn you, and spit on your idols. Thus it will be for eternity. 17 And although Aribantwen said these things, Mister Gee did blow things up with a big laser cannon and heard nothing. And Aribantwen did leave him there. 18 Thus was Mister Gee's fate.
19 The three Gods did remain, and toiled for seven years. 20 After these seven years, at last the earth did wax completion. Thus the heavans and the earth were finished, and all the host of them did include numerous trees and plants, and numbered beast, bird, and insect. 21 Among these creatures was the human, and did reflect the magnificance of the Gods themselves. 22 And up in their place in the heavans, Kilbaranon, Arbantwen and Demitor did look down upon their world, and found it good. 23 Save for Mister Gee, having not participated in the Great Creation, instead looked down upon his High Score counter, and found it good as well.
24 For a time, all was well. The earth was fertile, and did groweth many plants for which the humans did eat. 25 And the beasts were fertile also, and did give birth to many animals for which the humans killed for their own nourishment. 26 And no name was spoken in that world save for the three Creator Gods, and no name was despised and defiled save for Mister Gee. 27 And on the seventh day of the seventh week of the seventh month since the Great Creation, Kilbaranon did speaketh unto the others, saying Let us name the rivers which encompass this great land. 28 And Arbantwen and Demitor did agree, saying, You who are the wisest of us all may give title to the first of the great rivers. 29 And Mister Gee did play solitaire in a corner, and heard nothing. 30 And so Kilbaranon did say, The name of the first is Pi-son, that it is which compasseth the whole land of Hav-i-lah, where there is gold. 31 And Arbantwen did say, The name of the second river is Gi-hon, the same it is that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia. 32 And Demitor did say, The name of the third river is Hi-de-kel, that it is which goeth towards the east of Assyria. 33 And hearing what the others were saying, Mister Gee did speaketh, proclaiming And the name of the fourth river shall be the Mississippi, that it is a funny name that I like. 34 And the others did look at him, saying, We mock your foolish words. No river to flow on our earth shall ever be called the Mississippi. 35 And Mister Gee did say, How about a deal? If you can't spell it, then I get to name the river. 35 And the three Gods did accept his challenge, saying M... I... Um... S... Uh... Something something I S S, er... 36 And thus did the three Gods give up, and did permit Mister Gee to name the river Mississippi.
This story and all character names are copyright of Animagess and Well Then Productions. Playstation, Lego, and Solitaire are copyrightd by their respective owners. The Creation of the Universe is a trademark of God and His respective companies.