(Author's note: My best friend wrote this. I was really shocked when I read it. This story gave me goose bumps. Read and Review.)

No More ME

by ****** *** ******** *******

Mon. Oct. 2, 2003

School stinks! I have a D in history that seems impossible to raise. Joel said that he would help me study, and of course, I said yes. I mean, who wouldn't want to say yes to spending time with the most wonderful boyfriend ever? But even with tutoring, I don't think I can pass my midterm. What's the point of history anyway? All it is, is a bunch of old, dead guys and dates. Sure, some of its important, but I've had a social studies class every year since the third grade. Now, its just a class with a teacher who speaks in a monotone voice that makes everyone, even the geeks, sleepy. Dad is going to be so disappointed when he finds out. I can already see the face that says "I'm so disappointed in you. You can do so much better." It will absolutely crush me. Dad wants me to go to college and become a doctor or a lawyer. Something "noble, respectable, and well-paid," but I don't think I can. I know that I don't want to flip burgers all of my life, but I don't want to be stuck doing something I hate either. Being a lawyer is out of the question because 1.) I hate liars and 2.) I can't lie (even to save my life). I can't be a doctor either. The sight of blood makes me sick. I love kids and I want to be a teacher, but it wouldn't make enough money to suite Dad. "You deserve better." he'd say. Most of my college applications have been sent in. I only have one left. It's for the local community college, but I'm afraid if I sent it in and get accepted, Dad will make me stay in this crappy little town. Ever since Mom died about five years ago, he's been so protective. I don't think he'll let me go. Losing their little girls isn't something most Dads are fond of, especially a dad that's lost so much already. I sure hope I never have to lose him. He's my "safe spot" and my "shoulder to cry on." It would be the end of my world if I ever lost him.

Wed. Oct. 11

I took my history midterm today. I think it went okay.

Thurs. Oct. 12

How wrong could I be? I flunked, and now I feel awful. Dad's going to be so disappointed in me. I almost wish Joel hadn't tried to help me study. I was more distracted with him around then I was by myself. We're both seniors, and we've been together since the eighth grade. So you now how our study session went. I didn't mind either, but I wish that I would have studied more. Joel wants to take me to some big party on Saturday, but I don't think Dad will approve.

Still Thurs. Oct. 12

I went downstairs to talk to Dad about the party and I gave him all of the details, the real details. He went ballistic. "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!" were the only words that I caught after the yelling had stopped, his face wasn't purple, and the smoke had stopped rolling out of his ears and nostrils. I guess I'll have to tell Joel. Maybe we can go somewhere else.

Fri. Oct. 13: Doom's Day

I told Joel. He still wants to go to the party. But I can't lie to Dad. I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe Joel will be up to something else

Later Fri. Oct. 13

Joel really, really wants to go to the party. I guess I'll have to sneak out. I hope Dad doesn't find out.

Sun. Oct. 15: About 4:30 AM

I went to the party. Dad didn't even know I was gone, but I guess he knows now. Joel drank so much he passed out, and I was afraid to drive with only two beers in my system. It got to the point that I couldn't stay there anymore, so I called Dad. He came and got me, of course, but the only thing he managed to say was "For the first time in my life, I am completely ashamed of you." He hasn't said anything else since he showed up at the party. Seeing the disappointed look in his eyes is punishment enough. How could I have been so dumb? Plus there's so much to look forward to. Progress reports come out next week. How much worse can my life be?

Still Oct. 15: About 11:30 PM

Dad didn't say anything to me all day. He pretended I didn't exist. It's killin` me. Maybe it'll be different tomorrow.

Mon. Oct. 16

Still no word from Dad, not even one. He's gotta talk sometime, doesn't he? I hope he'll come to my concert tomorrow. I'll leave the flyer on the counter. He'll come. He still loves me.

Tues. Oct. 17

Dad didn't show up for my concert. That's the first one he's ever missed. I broke up with Joel today. I can't be tempted to hurt my dad again. I love Joel but Dad's been there for me all of my life and he's more important than any guy will ever be. I hope I won't regret this. When I got home from my concert, Dad wasn't here. I'll wait for him.

Wed. Oct. 18

Woke up on the couch. No Dad.

Thurs. Oct. 19

I'm losing everything. The hospital just called and said that Joel's dead. He was drinking and driving and hit a car head on. He was the only one injured. I know that I broke up with him, but I loved him so much. Now the love of my life is gone and my dad, my life support, is nowhere to be found. I feel like I'm slowly slipping off of the face of this pitiful Earth. I pray that Dad will come home.

Fri. Oct. 20

Dad where are you? I'm dying here without you. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I can't go on without you. I love you and I never meant to hurt you. Please come home. Come and save me from myself.

Sat. Oct. 21

I've been having all of these thoughts. Horrible thoughts. But I'm strong. I won't give up. Besides, I've gotta hang on. Dad's coming home. I know he is.

Still Sat. Oct. 21: The Worst Day Ever

He's gone too. I never got to say good-bye or that I loved him. I never got to ask if he could forgive me. Did he even still love me? The police knocked on my door. They said that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was outside of a local gas station trying to use the phone, trying to call me. The robbers ran out of the store and Dad saw their faces. Now he's gone. He's just a lifeless body with two bullet holes in the chest. I never got to tell him how sorry I was or that I never meant to hurt him. There is no reason to hang on. I'm alone. Everyone I have ever loved is gone. I'M SORRY DAD! God please forgive me for what I'm about to do. I must be with Mom, Dad, and Joel. I need them. Without them my world is gone. I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain.

No more history midterms. No more progress reports. No more reckless high school parties. No more fights with Dad. No more devastating phone calls.

No More ME