Jimmy Branett And the Shopping Mall Spree

By Esathia Remen and Jenny Grey

Chapter 1. Our story opens with our hero Jimmy Branett, who just broke his brand new neon pink, $100 nail polish bottle. "Oh dear!" exclaimed Jimmy, "this is the last thing I need just before the big gay orgy tonight!" So being the tough cookie that he is, he hopped on the next bus to Smithaven Mall. Being rich, (and gay), he decided to get a new wardrobe. And off he went to Gucci, Armani, Versachi, Coach, Abercrombie, and his new favorite, Express! $4,200,000 later, and quite tired, Jimmy made his way to the nearest makeup boutique. "I need my nails fixed and I need them now", said Jimmy, as all the beauticians came rushing over. One of them fell madly in love. Her name was Mitsy (a.k.a Mr. X) and was one of the first ones over. "How may I help you?" she nervously stuttered. "I need my hair highlighted, I need to be waxed, and my nails are atrocious!" Jimmy said. "I'll wax you!" Mr. X volunteered. Jimmy gave her an interesting look, closed his eyes and said "I'm sorry, all waxing is done by males only." He grinned. "Oh" Said Mr. X in dismay. "Well," continued Mr. X, "we have one waxier available named Sebastian who comes from Sweden." "Ooh, nice, I like some Swiss on the side" winked Jimmy. "I see," said the puzzled Mr. X. "you can wait in the sauna while Sebastian gets ready." "Oh you can bet I'll do that!" said Jimmy. "Thanks much, love ya lots, toodles!" he spat out, and ran away hastily. Finally understanding that Jimmy is very very gay, Mr. X told Sebastian about his new appointment, and then ran to the parking lot into oncoming traffic. (They didn't know it was Mr. X who died until a week later. But I heard the funeral and wake were quite touching and filled with really hot guys.) Jimmy found the men's sauna in no time. "What's cooking good looking?" he said to a fellow gay man. "Nothing sweet stuff how are you?" he said. "Oh I'm fine ever since I laid eyes on you. I'll be even better once my hand is laid somewhere else." "Mmmm" Said Alex. (Alex is the guy who is being flirted by and with Jimmy) "Since we're all alone how about you make yourself feel better?" Alex suggested. "Don't mind if I do" said Jimmy. What they did in the Sauna is unknown and if it were it would be far too explicit. Therefore being censored and everyone knows that no one likes censors, its better this way. Let's just say that they got nasty in the sauna for 45 minutes. Finally, Jimmy and Alex exchanged cell phone numbers then parted quickly. Jimmy enters the waxing room to find a very impatient waxier. Yes, waxier, his name? Sebastian, Sebastian the waxier. The Swedish waxier named Sebastian, who in his impatience ate a few dozen boxes of Swedish fish. "Uh, hello?" said Jimmy. "Make me comfy!" he said in a demanding tone. "Oh! Oh! I am so sorry! Ja!" said Sebastian in a VERY Swedish accent. "Oh you're good." Jimmy replied. "Okay then, full body please!" After such as been said, none other than the dynamic duo of Esathia Remen and Jenny Grey jumped from inside a closet. "Maniglia!" they shouted and other random Italian phrases (maniglia means 'doorknob'). There were some Spanish phrases being shouted by Esathia. Then they yelled "merde!" and quickly left the room. (Merde means shit in French). Sebastian and Jimmy were frozen stiff with surprise. Then the Power Puff Girls rushed in after Esathia and Jenny and saved the day!