Adventures at Wal-Mart

By: Shannon

NOTE: I don't own the rights to Wal-Mart but I do own the rights to the characters I created. Oh, and I never worked at Wal-Mart, either LOL.

Hello everyone, remember me? Kayla Martin here. I had previously held two jobs: one doing grunt work at a crappy fast-food place known as ChickenWorx, then as a cashier at Blockbuster. Well, times have changed and so has the economy. That resulted in me and my friend/boyfriend/co-worker Roger Spiegel getting laid off. Both of us finally found work at Wal-Mart as stockers. We're halfway into our junior year and I have been seeing some familiar faces working at a seemingly, low-brow, K-Mart-esque department store. It seems that Mike and Steve managed to get jobs working at the little food stand doing the same stuff they did at ChickenWorx: spitting in the fry bin. Wally a.k.a "the nerd" got a cashiering job in the electronics department. Amy a.k.a "Bad Hair Day Barbie" got stuck working with Mike and Steve. Sara's ex-boyfriend, Randy, apparently, moved to another town three months ago and we haven't heard from him since. Sara, by the way, works in the layaway department. Anna Denson a.k.a "Syd the goth chick" decided to move back here and stay with her grandparents. She spent one semester at the New York private school and couldn't take it anymore. She works with us sometimes as a stocker.

At first, I thought (more like hoped) that this job would be NORMAL. Well, I now realize that I shouldn't get my hopes up. Working at Wal-Mart is beyond normal, especially last Saturday when I showed up to work at 7 a.m. sharp. Roger and I were paired together, stocking the latest shipment of George Foreman grills to the kitchenware section. We were working along with our usual co-workers, Pedro and Miguel, who seemed to be honest, loyal employees.

"All right guys," I said. "We need to move this pallet of stuff over to the kitchenware section real quick."

Roger nodded and helped pull the pallet-mover-thingy over to the designated section with Pedro, Migel, and myself behind him, moving another pallet full of toaster ovens. Soon, within an hour, we were done stocking our stuff and the store opened right on schedule. Then, the bargain-hunters started coming in, looking for merchendise that won't break or rip apart after purchase (most of the people who buy stuff here automatically come back the next day, standing in the RETURN line).

As soon as we carried a pallet of empty boxes back to shipping office, I noticed Pedro and Migel doing something unusual with the boxes. When we got to the office, Pedro and Miguel hurriedly took out several things from their pants pockets and placed them in the empty boxes, to be carried out to the recycle bin where their other co-worker, Mario, would unload the empty boxes into an even bigger recycling bin. I scratched my head but ignored it and went on with the rest of my duties.

I was busy stocking some DVDs in the electronics department where Wally was joking with a buddy of his, who apparently bought some CD-ROM games.

"Hey Peter," Wally said, after giving him his receipt. "You're gonna love that game you bought!" He grinned, showing the metal braces that covered his teeth.

"Yeah, I heard Robert talking about it and I just had to get it," said Peter with a Urkel-esque snort. "This is gonna be cool: Dungeons and Dragons III for CD-ROM!"

I managed to chuckle quietly to myself when I noticed my older sister, Jenny and her husband Eric (my annoying brother-in-law) with their new baby son (and my nephew), Cole, comfortably relaxing in his GRACO stroller. Both of them were in the electronics department looking for a new, big-screen TV.

"Can I help you guys?" I asked, knowing full well I did NOT want them to see me at work (to avoid ridicule from Eric).

"Hey Kayla," said Eric. "What's it like working a part-time crap job with no pension?" He laughed slyly (Eric is a marketing executive for a big, software company...he always looks down at those who make less than him).

"Knock it off, Eric, she's here to help," Jenny said, elbowing him in the side. "Yeah, Kayla, we're looking for a big-screen TV."

"WE'RE" looking for a big-screen TV? Ummm...let me see. That translates to "Eric wants a big-screen so he can watch football games in better picture quality." I know in my mind that my sister Jenny absolutely HATES the idea of a big-screen so it has to be for my stupid bro-in-law.

"Well, here's a nicer model on sale," I said, pointing to a Toshiba the size of Canada. "It's about $1,500."

"Nah, that TV looks like the security TV cameras they have at my work. It's too small," Eric said with a snuff.

"Well, here's another Toshiba that's slightly bigger. It's about $1,700."

Eric turned his nose up at that one, too. "Too small, just like your weekly paycheck."

My face turned bright red as Jenny was almost ready to deck her rude husband in the middle of the store. We kept looking at model after model until we came to the last one...and we had about 4 different big-screens compared to the ones at Best Buy. Why didn't they go there in the first place? Oh wait, that's right. Eric's a cheapskate, I forgot.

"Now this one is a beauty," Eric said. "SOLD!"

The big screen Eric bought had just cost him $4,500, which he later complained about after they left the store. My sister Jenny then told him that he should've thought about it BEFORE buying it.

I went back to the shipping office to clock out for my break when I ran into a very, wide-eyed Roger.

"Babe, you gotta see this." He grabbed me by my shirt sleeve and led me down to the recycling bin. We both hid behind a wall and watched as Pedro and Miguel were giving something to Mario and receiving cash for it.

"This doesn't look good, Kayla," Roger said.

"Well, we can't jump to conclusions," I replied. "They might be doing some business for our boss."

"Yeah but would our boss be giving them little plastic baggies?" Roger pointed out that our co-workers had hidden plastic baggies in empty boxes and their pants pockets. But something was in those baggies and we could not make out what it was.

It stuck in my mind as I clocked out for a break and went to eat lunch at the little food place where pretzels, hot dogs, popcorn, and churros were all sold for the low, low price of $3.50 each and 50 cents extra for fries. I didn't get a discount on food so I just went to the food place once a week to save cash. While I was eating my super-duper-ultra dog with chili, I watched as Amy tried to avoid the advances of Mike and Steve as they kept whistling at her. Eventually, the manager yelled at them to stop and get back to work.

When I finished eating my food, I was getting ready to get back to work when Mike called me over.

"Hey Kayla, guess what?" he asked teasingly


"Steve spit in your hot dog."


"Yeah," added Steve. "And right now, I'm getting over a really bad cold." He faked a sneeze.

"EWWW, that's sick!" Amy exclaimed.

"Great, just great!" I snapped. "I'm going to tell your manager about..."

"Relax, Kayla," said Mike. "It was just a joke. Sheesh!"

"Well there are some things that shouldn't be joked about," I replied.

I went back to my job stocking stuff in the stockroom and in the store. Roger was on his break, so I continued working until I saw Pedro and Miguel talking to each other, apparently handling boxes full of something...but I still could not make it out.

"Hey Miguel," Pedro said softly. "You got that last shipment to Mario?"

"Si, Pedro," he replied. "We just made $500."

"Hey, we broke yesterday's sales record," Miguel said. "We made about $350 then."

Then Pedro began to pull out a plastic baggie...full of illegal drugs! He showed it to Miguel and then put it back in his pocket. Roger was right. Something is definitely up. Unfortunately, Roger was still on his break so I found Syd finishing up an order of shoes to the shoe department.

"Syd?" I asked. "I need you for one second, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, no prob."

I escorted her to where Pedro and Miguel were still talking and showed her everything.

"Roger saw it earlier this morning, too," I said.

"Dang, we gotta tell the manager," replied Syd.

The two of us waited impatiently for Roger to finish his lunch break and the three of us went to the manager's office. We waited for what seemed like an eternity...and 5 minutes later...

"Okay, the manager's ready to see you," called his secretary in a sing-song voice.

The three of us gathered around Mr. Wallace's office. Mr. Wallace was the guy who hired us. He was a nice guy and a big-time Green Bay Packer fan, too. He often wore his Packer hat to work. He was short, fat, but an all-around nice guy. His office was adorned with Packer pendants, Packer stationary, Packer wastebasket, and even Packer wallpaper. In the corner was a hat rack with a replica Packer helmet on the top of it. On one of the walls of his office was a framed-in-glass Packer #4 jersey autographed by Brett Favre himself.

"Sooo, you're saying some guys have been drug trafficking in the store, eh?" Mr. Wallace replied. "Let's get to the bottom of this, shall we?"

We led Mr. Wallace over to both Pedro and Miguel, who, were still talking about making another deal in an hour or so. After hearing the conversation for awhile, our boss surprised the two employees by his presence and fired them on the spot. The police showed up sometime later to apprehend them...and Mario, as well.

Mr. Wallace thanked us all for our service and help in detaining the two criminals.

"They'll be behind bars for awhile," Mr. Wallace said. "Not sure how long, but long enough to probably...well, get old, I guess. You kids did a fine job."

The way Mr. Wallace addressed us, I felt like Daphne and Velma from the "Scooby-Doo" cartoons. But we were paid with hefty raises and awards from the mayor and the Wal-Mart corporation. Even still, my moronic bro-in-law, Eric, still makes fun of me for my "crap job with no pension."