a/n: Hey everyone! This is a one-shot fic, about a girl who learned things in one night that could change what remained of her lifetime. Based on a dream I had. Take note: based. That doesn't mean all the other stuff is based on my life. Anywayz, hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Reviews and C/C greatly appreciated ^^
Open Your Eyes
Darkness. All around me. Surreal as it was, I considered the possibility that maybe my eyes were closed.
I felt like I was suspended in nothingness.
It was like time was in slow motion; because I was moving, though it was quite hard to believe.
Involuntarily. Spinning slowly.
I strained to open my eyes as wide as I could, [yes, I still believed my eyes were closed...] as the temperature decided to drop instantaneously; to a temperature that was definitely below zero.
A wave of emotions hit me like a train. Confusion, anger, desperation; then, ever so slowly, realization. Realization, as my subconscious somehow guessed what was coming next. And I believed it to be right.
Call it a premonition, because what happened next was exactly what my subconscious had guessed. [unfortunately, might I add]
My being here must have woken time up because it suddenly went back to its normal self. And me, being suspended in air, well, I believe you could guess what happened next.
That's right. I fell. And, much to my utter anger and exasperation, I found that my voice wasn't there, thus preventing me from releasing my shock and frustration through a scream.
I was shaking as I fell, as fear overcame me. Confusion battled fear a second after.
Fear? I thought.
I was not afraid of death.
I would know, because of those countless times I had wanted to call Death upon myself, by that demon called Edicius.
The many scars on my wrists could prove that.
But now, now that I was about to get what I had wanted, I felt fear.
Regret. How I hated that word. That single word that causes one to waste precious time, making you look back to the past and think about what you could have done and what you shouldn't have; never mind the fact that you can't go back anymore.
That stupid word that I never thought I would ever use in reference to my emotions. But now, I was feeling it.
I shut my eyes tight [though it didn't make much difference as my surroundings were already infinitely black] as I fought against the tears welling up inside of me. I lost that battle, but not by much. One tear escaped, and my heartbeat quickened as I felt the ground rushing up at me. [that's right, felt; don't ask me how...]
Waiting for impact, warmth surrounded me as suddenly as I stopped falling.
Yes, I stopped falling, no crushing force of pressure; no pain at all. Physical, at least.
The air around me wasn't as cold anymore, and, though the darkness and absolute silence still reigned, I felt had ground under my bare feet.
So... I wasn't suspended in nothingness now, unlike a while ago.
And I discovered that I could finally move at my will. Instinctively, I felt around me with my hands. Though I didn't discover anything that way, my subconscious [yet again]described my surroundings.
Again, I trusted that subconscious of mine. And don't ask me how I knew, because I asked myself that same question.
I was facing a thin rope bridge, a waterfall to the left of it. There was a cave behind me, and a wide meadow across the bridge. Below; or should I say, far, FAR below, was a river; a very fast moving river. I didn't want to think about that, though.
What do I do now?
The answer came to me at once. And you could probably guess who, or rather, what answered my question. I did as I was told.
I began to use something I hadn't used in a long while.
Practically shaking with fear, I slowly took one step forward. And another. And another. It seemed an eternity before I reached the rope bridge that was only a few steps from where I stood before.
I reached out, and sure enough, my hands found the rope railing. Taking a deep breath, I began to put my foot on the bridge. I didn't have a fear of heights, but who wouldn't be scared in a situation like this? Trusting only instincts in the never-ending darkness, thinking of the river below, [far below] with all those sharp rocks jutting out... STOP!
I didn't need that image. I was scared enough already.
I shook my head vehemently, as if doing that would erase the image that my mind had just conjured.
It worked. A little.
Gathering up all my courage, [or what was left of it] I got on the bridge.
After many images of falling as I made my way across, I was eventually able to make it to the other side.
I swear, on that swaying bridge, I wasn't able to keep myself from thinking of events wherein the plank I would step on would give way, or the whole bridge would just fall for no reason at all.
And as I put one foot on solid ground, I felt as if the world has just been lifted of my shoulders. Oookay... maybe half the world.
I kept walking, feeling cool, soft grass under my feet, not sure where the heck I was going. That is, until a mirror blocked my path.
It just appeared out of oblivion. I didn't know how big it was, but I knew it was big.
It must have been a magical mirror of some kind, because even in this darkness, I was able to see myself [and only myself] quite clearly. Finding relief in the ability to finally see something other than blackness, I lost myself for a while.
Not for a long time though, because something in my reflection caught my attention.
I was crying. Tears flowing from my eyes involuntarily.
My right hand flew to my eyes impulsively, touching the dark liquid. Sure enough, it was what I had reluctantly thought it was. I lowered my hand slowly.
I jumped about a mile high. I was startled out of my skin.
I didn't turn around though, to see who it was, because I saw his/her reflection in the huge mirror.
His/her silhouette. Not at all clear enough to see who the person was; let alone see how the person looked liked, but clear enough to know that someone was there.
Close, too. Behind me, to my right.
And there was this 'warmth' that one would feel when someone's near.
I shuddered at the thought.
It, [sorry] I meant he/ she laughed softly.
"Don't be scared." He/she said, in one of those voices that you hear about in supernatural types of books or shows. It was neither male nor female; wasn't young or old, loud or soft, happy or sad, far or near... Yet all of this at the same time.
Extremely hard to explain.
It spoke in all languages in the same time yet I was able to understand.
Wait. Am I calling that person 'it' again?!
Sorry, but I couldn't help it! What in the world do you call something you couldn't even begin to explain?
Who? I thought, but he/she responded.
"You don't remember me?"
[My goodness, now he/she can read thoughts?]
I remained silent. I could feel it smile.
"Figures. It's been a long time. Then something happened and you started refusing to accept the fact that I ever existed at all."
At one point, I began to think that maybe this person was my imaginary friend long ago.
But... no. All my imaginary friends had been animals; talking animals... I frowned as I thought. [Did I really just admit that?]
This person seemed to be human.
Seemed to be.
"But I do, and I will always be here for you. You've got to know that. Sometimes, you come close to believing in me again, but something happens and you push me further away."
I started to shake.
Not of the person behind me, though. There was something about that person that made me feel... safe.
"And that's another thing." He/she continued, "You're afraid... You're used to being alone, and you distance yourself from others. You're afraid of your own self.
For what reason? You ask yourself.
But you don't know.
And that leads to confusion. Frustration.
Others don't understand you. You don't think anyone else understands you.
That you do care; more than you let on. You do care, but they don't seem to see you at all. And they seem to hate you for what they think you are.
So you slowly let go. That care of yours for others is slowly replaced by hate for yourself. Sometimes you wish it would all end.
The speaker wasn't mad at me, wasn't accusing, didn't pity me.
Not like all those other people.
That person just... understood me.
Usually, when some person [stupidly believing he or she knows me inside out]finds the nerve to lecture me like that, with all the "You are like this, you things like" speeches, assuming, accusing; I make sure that they're sorry for ever messing with me.
But this... this was different. This didn't have the "Why can't you be more [insert trait here]?" This speech didn't have that annoying quality.
At first, one part of me kept screaming. Angry at the fact that that person, someone I didn't even know, actually 'lectured' me like that. Just guessed, telling me how he/she thinks my mind works.
The other part of me, [calm, amazed,] whispered: but he/she got it right.
Maybe that's why that one part of me was enraged. Because someone I didn't know got it right, when everyone else; people I do know, people who I thought knew me, couldn't even begin to guess what I'm like.
They don't even have the faintest idea that I do care. They accuse and they hate me, even though they don't know me at all!
"Then maybe you should show them who you are... Put down that façade; that wall you built around you. Know that you are not alone."
That got me by surprise. In my rage and confusion, I had almost forgotten that he/she was still there.
I started to cry. Without the usual sobbing, that is. I stood there silent, and unlocked the dam that held all the tears I had kept from falling all these years.
It's been a long time since I did that.
In fact, the last time I did that was when it happened.
The turning point in my life that caused me to put up this wall around me that had stood strong until now.
I looked back at my reflection and saw that the dark liquid had been replaced by pure tears.
He/she smiled again. "Come on, there's this place I want to show you. The place that was always here, the place you used to see and play in so often, until this darkness you created came over to cover everything up."
"Yes. This is your hate..."
Hesitatingly, I turned around.
And frowned. Who are you anyway?
"Who am I... What an intriguing question that is, don't you think? The one puzzle that people go through life to solve... Who am I, you ask? I just am."
Great, I thought, sarcastically. A philosopher.
"If you mean my name, you're free to call me whatever you wish... You people have so many names for me! Now come on!" He/she said, sounding cheerful, as he/she extended one hand for me to take.
I 'saw' his/her smile, and couldn't help but grin myself.
I realized that it had been a long time since I had done that.
"One more thing. To answer one of your questions: Yes, your eyes were closed this whole time."
I took his/her hand.
"So open them!"
As we made contact, there was a flash of light so bright, I shut my eyes thinking that I was going to go blind.
But then, when I opened them, I saw everything.
The beautiful meadow that had surrounded me all this time that I hadn't seen literally until now, the luscious green grass under my feet, the butterflies of all colors flying everywhere, the rope bridge gently swaying in the wind, the beautiful waterfall, the trees, standing tall, the tiny ants racing up one trunk, the blue sky, the sun!
Wonderful! Magnificent colors everywhere!
It was like being born blind, and finally seeing after so many years!
I hadn't realized until that blissful moment how beautiful this world actually was!
And... I could hear! The soft yet inspiring songs of birds, the sound of the waterfall, my breathing!
Strange how such little things made me happy...
There was something missing.
My eyes widened. The one who showed me all this...
As if in response, a pure white feather fell from the sky, right in front of me.
I caught it gently. The answer suddenly popped into my mind.
But always and forever, right here beside me.
"Breakfast!" My eyes opened slowly.
But then again... The blissful feeling I had was still with me. I was happy.
I yawned, and went under the blanket again, a smile on my face.
Today was Saturday anyway. What reason do I have to get up so early?
I peeked at the clock on my bedside table. 9:32 am.
So it isn't early. So what?
Just when I thought that, a familiar smell drifted into my room. A very lovely smell. Something I smell only about twice a year.
Now I had a reason.
I jumped out of bed ecstatic.
Not only because of the fact that my favorite breakfast was waiting downstairs for me, but also because my mom was actually trying to make up for the fight we had just yesterday.
The fight we had mostly caused by the it that had happened years ago.
The it that changed me and my life for the worse.
The it that I hadn't accepted until now.
As I got of the bed, something fell to the floor.
Something so white it almost glowed.
Smiling still, I picked it up and placed it beside the picture frame on my bedside table.
The picture of a [very young] me, my mom, and my dad, all smiling.
I grinned, remembering that day, and those years before it happened; when we were still happy.
Before things took a turn, causing my mom and I to argue almost every single day.
But now, I felt that I could change that.
For the better.
I walked over to the bathroom and washed up. As I was washing my hands, I noticed something that made me hold my breath for a while.
The scars on my wrists were gone. Realizing what happened, I smiled for the umpteenth time that morning. I wasn't going to resurrect those scars ever again.
a/n: Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Flames? Just push that small button down there! BTW, just in case you're wondering, the "demon Edicius" thingy was made up by me. I just enjoy referring to suicide that way... Also, big smiles for anyone who could guess who/what that person/thing in the dream was. Thanks!