Do you know the way I feel?
Do you know why I feel that way?
If you think you do, can you tell me?
I want to know as well.
Every once in a while something about me will become clear.
It doesn't mean I can fix it.
It means I don't have to think about it.
Just last week I discovered something.
It was the reason why I didn't listen to my darkness.
It was because I knew I wouldn't be saved.
I would be even more lost than I am now.
I figure I'm scared.
I've always dreamt of being saved.
Not by some superhero.
It was just a normal person.
I guess that is what I wanted, someone to save me from the clutches of my darkness.
I think by dreaming it I survived my darkness when I was weak.
Now my dreams are filled with tragedies my darkness creates.
I still have a normal person who saves me.
But it's not from death.
It's from being dead.
I know that may not make sense but it sounds perfect to me.
Lately, I've been craving to be alive.
I look to the person I thought could save me.
Each day I realize just a bit more that they won't.
Yes, my rescuer changes constantly.
Each one had it's own reason on why they were chosen.
Now, when I saved I think of how fake it is.
How fake my rescuer is.
How stupid I am for creating this saviour.
I leave my rescuers safety.
Only to come running back to it in the end.
Now even with my saviour I doubt their honesty.
I know this writing thing was basically pointless.
But it gave me something to do.