Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night. My nightmares chasing me into consciousness. I often leave her, still sleeping, and go outside to stand under the stars. She gets mad when I do not wake her, but I'm so used to dealing with my nightmares on my own. And the cool night air helps.
Sometimes, I dream that I have died. I have died, and I am standing at the gates of heaven. They won't let me in. They refuse. I am told that I do not belong in heaven. That hell is the place for me, and 'my kind'. The ground beneath my feet vanishes, and I start to fall. And fall, and fall, and fall...
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. Sweet Mary, save me. I have fallen in love. (Hail Mary, full of grace..)
I wish to marry her one day. They have decided that I may have the right, and so I will marry her. I will make her my wife, a second mother to my children. We will spend our days laughing and our nights wrapped in one anothers's arms.. (forgive me father..)
I often awake in the middle of the night. Dreams of hellfire and brimstone chasing me outside at two am. I regard the stars, and ponder my heart. (I believe in one God...) I wonder if I will be sent to hell. I wonder how love, any love, can be wrong. It is why I can never get up when the alarm rings. Because from two to four, I am outside pondering my afterlife.
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have fallen in love with a blue-eyed goddess. Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I enjoy the feel of her lips, the touch of her skin, her breath on my body. Forgive me father, for I am gay.