What would you do
If you
Got lost in the forest?
With no place to stay
Except that rickety little shack
Behind the pile of hay?
Where would you go?
The Amish are scary
Their horses are hairy
So it's better to sleep
On the ground

Oh, but if James Bond were an Amish spy
The tables would be turned
He would drink buttermilk
Shaken, not churned.

Sean Connery in overalls
Pierce Brosnan making some hay
Roger Moore in cow stalls
Timothy Dalton ploughing all day
George Lazenby putting up barn walls
Peter Sellers dancing in May

Oh, if James Bond were an Amish spy
The tables would be turned
He would drink buttermilk
Shaken, not churned.

But James Bond is a British spy
And so I would not go
To the Amish life
I would stay at home
So as never to be lost in the woods.
But you never know what you might find
If James Bond were an Amish spy.