Permafrost

But I don't need no alibi - I'm a puppet on a string.
I just need this stage to be seen.
We all need a pantomime to remind us what is real.
Hold my eye and know what it means.

I clenched my fist in a re-enactment of clenching the note that day. Suddenly all the questions dissolved into thin air. Gazing around my room, it didn't seem all that bad. People kept talking about hospitals as this horrid place that stank of death, but it's probably the only place I've really found some peace and solace. Well that and Garret's arms. The thought made me smile. I truly did love him, there's no denying that. But be realistic, things aren't going to be this sweet.

"This is sweet?" I chuckled, and then stopped, realizing what it was I was doing. "Hope you've lost your damn mind, you're talking to yourself at," I glanced at the clock; it was two in the morning, "an ungodly hour of the day!"

Just know that it's going to get worse before it gets better…

"Mommy!" her little voice cried out in pain as she gazed up at me, tears brimming in her eyes.

"What's wrong baby?" I crouched down to look closely at her. My little angel was hurt.

"I fell off my bike a-a-and," She jabbed her finger towards her knee, which was scraped from the asphalt. Her voice was weak and she gasped for breaths during her sentence.

"Oh sweetie it's just a scratch! Here I'll make it better!" Bending closer to her knee, I placed a gentle motherly kiss on it. "Feeling better?" With my thumb I smoothly wiped the tears away from her young face. She smiled sweetly at me, nodded, and then glancing over my shoulder; her smile broadened.

"Hi daddy!" she squealed, as I released her knee. As I turned my head over my shoulder, I saw my baby Tina run to hug her father, who stood there proudly; hugging his daughter with conviction.

I could tell that my husband was looking in my direction, but I couldn't see the expression on his face. I couldn't see his face properly. It was blurry and undefined. I wanted to know who it was I was married to. Looking down at my left hand I checked to make sure there was a ring on my finger and surely enough; there was. I looked at his left hand and saw a similar wedding band resting on his ring finger. So I'm married to him, but who is he? Who did I marry after having Tina? Who is my husband? Who is Tina's new father?

My eyes remained closed but I was very much awake now and I could hear voices around my bed. I knew I was in bed because I could feel the sheets around me, but I no longer felt the warmth of Garret's jacket around my arms.

"How is she?" a strange but familiar voice I couldn't quite place. And then a familiar voice,

"She's doing better, but she needs to stay in here for a while. She needs a stress free environment." I smiled slowly, knowing that it would give away that I was awake. So I slowly opened my eyes, trying to take in the surroundings.

"She's awake!" It was a girl's voice, and I identified the voice as soon as I turned my head towards her.

"Of course she's awake Tequila. She's pregnant, not in a coma!"

"I'm also not deaf guys!" I finally recognized Tequila; it's been a while since I've seen that young and somewhat lost face of hers. Tequila chucked sheepishly and moved into hug me.

"Hey Hope, how are you feeling?" Garret pulled a chair up for her to sit on and she plopped herself down beside my bed.

"About as good as I can be!" I spared a glance at Garret over Tequila's shoulder and smiled. "Any news from the outside world?"

"Well there's the Christmas dance coming up at school. Everyone's saying I should go blah, blah, blah! But I'm not sure if I want to go." It was like I immediately took to being the part-girlfriend-part-sister role.

"It's either that you don't dance, or there's a boy involved in this!" Tequila stiffened up like a board, knowing that Garret was behind her listening. I laughed and looked up at that adoring face. "You over there, yes you, you male specimen! Care to bring your darling sister and girlfriend something to drink?"

Garret threw me a weary and confused look. I smirked and there was no way he could miss the glint in my eye. "Yes your majesty!" He bowed, stepping backwards slowly.

"Oh, and get it from the bottom floor of the west wing, their drinks are cold!" As Garret left he rolled his eyes and closed the door behind him. Just as the door snapped shut Tequila made a familiar whipping noise and gestured with her hands. I laughed briefly and stared her down.

"I'm going to need a name, grade, and brief description of physical attributes!" Tequila looked at me with a mixture of shock and humour.

"How do you know?" she asked, confused and amazed. I pushed myself into an upright position on the bed and looked at her.

"You're in grade nine. You have every reason in the world to want to go to the first school dance, and only two reasons to not actually go. One is lack of skill, and two is a boy." Tequila sighed and giggled.

"We don't exactly have to bring dates but my friends were talking and they said that almost all the grade nine girls have dates to go with. I just don't want to go alone…"

"And you're nervous to ask this…"

"Jerome. He's in grade eleven, and I've heard that he's interested in me." I couldn't help but laugh slightly to myself. I knew the next few words out of her mouth would be along the lines of how 'hot' he was, or what nice 'features' he had. It felt like ages since I last heard talk like this. I don't think my friends and I ever talked like that, with the exception of April of course.

"Have you spoken to him?" Tequila shook her head indicating no. I sighed, tossed the thin sheets off me and slowly got up from the bed. "When is this dance?" Moving towards the phone I picked up the receiver and dialed an oh-so-familiar number.

"Um, it's next Friday." I nodded silently and waited for the other end to answer.

"Hello?" a perky young voice replied.

"Hey hun it's Hope!" April's smile could be heard through the phone.

"Hope, how you feeling?"

"Good, well enough to get out of bed and make it to the phone…Listen I need to attach a profile to a name…" I knew her response before the words were even out of my mouth. Within moments I got all the information I needed on this Jerome boy and decided I had only one more thing to do before giving Tequila the "go". Garret came back into the room just as I put the receiver down, with a coffee for himself, a coke for Tequila and water for me. I gave him a suspicious glare which he returned with a bewildered stare. As he handed Tequila her drink I could tell he was going to crack.

"Okay fine, so I didn't go to the bottom floor for it. Sue me. And shouldn't you be in bed missy?!" Plopping himself down on my bed, he patted the spot next to him and looked at me menacingly. Grabbing the back of the hospital gown, I pushed myself off the phone table and made my way back to the bed slowly.

"It's okay; I needed to talk to you anyway." Garret's eyes widened in a mixture of confusion and fear. He cast his eyes over to Tequila who looked even more confused.

"What did you tell her? You're my sister; I'm in trouble aren't I?" Garret always had a certain affinity for acting, and tended to be melodramatic from time to time.

"Calm down Honest Abe. You're not in any trouble; I just need to talk to you." I settled myself onto the bed comfortably and took my water from Garret. "Tequila hun, can you give us a sec?" Wearily Tequila got off the chair and left the room, throwing us a suspicious look before she walked out. Garret and I chuckled just as the door snapped shut behind her.

"Okay so what did I do?" I sighed and rested my head on Garret's shoulder; his arms instinctively wrapping themselves around me.

"Nothing," I murmured, shifting closer to him.

"So you sent my sister out of the room for nothing?" He chuckled, kissing the crown of my head. I giggled and shook my head.

"No, I wanted to tell you to keep an eye on this Jerome boy. He's in grade eleven, April tells me he's on the basketball team, and I think you've spoken to him before. She warns me he's trouble, so just keep an eye on him. Tequila likes him, let her make her own mistakes of course, just…you know!" Garret gave me the reassuring smile I was looking for and I knew I could drop this.

"You're treating her like she's your own little sister." He joked, hugging me tighter. I said nothing but let my thoughts drift off.

Tequila got tired of waiting and opened the room door, bursting in impatiently.

"You know Garret, Hope and I were talki—" She cut herself off when she saw the position that Garret and I were in. "Okay you guys kicked me out to cuddle?" Tequila stepped in and closed the door behind her. Garret and I started laughing and he glanced at the clock.

"Okay it's about lunch time, we should get going hun!" He gave Tequila a look appropriate of a bossy older sibling. Tequila whined but got up anyway, grabbing her jacket and scarf.

"Bye Hope, take care, and I'll let you know how the dance goes."

"Bye hun, listen ask your friends if they know anything about this Jerome fellow, and just be careful okay!? April told me things I don't like about him! And I want pictures of the dance."

"I promise I will be careful," she giggled and hugged me, "And you really want pictures of a bunch of hormone raging teenagers glued together at the groin?" The three of us laughed.

"Well why not, something has to entertain me while I'm in here!" Tequila let go and stepped back, laughing.

"I'll see you in the car Garret." She took the car keys from Garret and left the room, heading down the corridor and to the elevator.

Garret glanced at me and knew what I was going to say.

"Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on the boy and make sure nothing happens. After all I'm her brother, it's my job." I smiled and kissed him.

"And what a great job you're doing. Now, next time you're visiting, bring me something sweet please. The healthy food is killing me ever so slowly." Garret laughed and kissed me again.

"I'll do what I can milady!" He hugged me tightly, and then shrugged his jacket on. "Take care of yourself okay. I'll be back later, I love you." He kissed me one last time and flew out the room.

The nurse came in with her trolley filled with trays containing all the balanced meals of the patients on my floor. She waltzed into the room balancing my tray along with a fresh hospital gown for me.

"All right Ms. Barton, we're going to get you changed, and feed the two of you proper." It was Nurse Tilley; by far the sweetest and most gentle person I've ever met. Every so often she'd come in here and we'd talk about life, and discuss the high and low points of our own lives. I was in awe of her; she lives a hectic life with a mother who lived with her, battling Leukemia. How Tilley was able to make it through everyday with a genuine smile on her face and nothing but loving words from her mouth is beyond me!

"Oh joy, does this hospital gown close at the back?" sarcasm was part of this act we had.

"No Hope, they haven't re-designed, mass produced, and express shipped out new hospital gowns since yesterday." She rolled her eyes sardonically, laughing as she helped me out of the current gown.

"Aw shucks, I guess the hospital will have to bear with a view of my pregnant butt for a little longer!" Nurse Tilley helped me into the new robe and tied it up for me. She leant in and whispered with a chuckle,

"I really don't think some of these men mind!" She helped me back into bed and brought me my tray of food. "Now this boyfriend of yours definitely won't mind!" She winked at me as she brought a warm towel for my feet. I laughed more so in shock than by amusement.

"If I don't believe him calling me beautiful when I'm pregnant, I'm not buying that load of bull!" Nurse Tilley checked her watch really quickly then the clipboard on her food trolley.

"Ah what the heck, I have time." She moved my food stand away and sat at the edge of my bed. "So how serious are you two? Like…possibility of a year; serious? Chances of sex; serious? What…?" Almost any other patient would've been freaked out but I've been talking to Tilley for almost five months now, I'm use to her.

"I want to say possibility of a year, and well I don't know about the sex yet considering the circumstances!" She nodded with a laugh in understanding. "But, I know I love him…"

"Okay, so what's stopping you from saying possibility of a year?" Tilley opened my milk and started drinking some.

"Hey, isn't that milk for me?"

"Oh relax; I'll get you another one! So what's stopping you?" This was why I loved Tilley…

"Well because in about six months, he will be graduating. And in about a month and a half he should receive acceptance letters from all those great Universities that are going to love having him there. And like that he'll be gone."

"What do you mean he'll be gone? He won't leave that easily."

"Tilley I'm in love with a very smart man. The only places he can get the best education are far away from here. And as much as I want him to stay, I can't ask him to do that, it's not my place." Tilley smiled to me sweetly, her demeanor changing almost instantly.

"Hope, you love him?" I nodded, "And he loves you?" I nodded again. "Then you won't have to ask, and he won't have to refuse. Something will happen, something that will allow the two of you to be happy, together."

One of the main reasons I loved Tilley so much, was her constant faith in the power of love. She believed it had so much to do with coincidence, chance, opportunity, risk taking, and just pure faith. I love that about her, she firmly believes in love and nothing can shake her from that post.

"Tilley, I wouldn't survive a day here without you!" I hugged her.

"I know muffin, I know."

"Wonderful, stupendous, amazing…now get me my milk!" As Tilley got up to leave, I pulled my food cart back to me and began eating, and awaiting my new milk carton.

As I sat in the silence of my room, eating my lunch, my mind finally floated back to the dream I had. Who was I married to? It had to be about five or six years from now because Tina was talking, walking, and riding her bike. I began breaking every aspect of the dream down into finer details, or at least what I could remember. The man I was married to was taller than me, not by much but a little taller. Then again, so was every man I've known. I rushed out of a house when I heard Tina crying, so we were living in a house, a cute one at that.

My lunch seemed to finish itself as I delved deeper and deeper into analyzing my dream. None of it made sense, of course dreams never do. But this dream seemed to lift my hopes, a lot. It showed me that my future wouldn't be as bleak or dismal as my pessimistic side kept picturing it to be. It let me picture something positive for once this year. In the back of my mind I was still thinking about Garret leaving, it wouldn't be long anyway. The school year will end and he'll probably vow to spend all of summer by my side, then he'll find something to keep him busy; some kind of hobby. Suddenly I won't see Garret so much anymore, and next thing I know he'll tell me my condition in our relationship is suffocating him. He'll tell me that he needs a break and once September rolls around, I won't hear from him ever again. There's that pessimistic side again, the one that won't leave me alone. Tilley's words were echoing in my head and maybe she was right; maybe some "divine intervention" related to love would save Garret and I. Then again, we're only in high school and love is such a loosely used term in these breeding grounds.

Sighing heavily, I rolled onto my side and tried to drift off to sleep. More than anything I wanted one of those dreams, something to help me lift my spirits. As I closed my eyes I felt the events of this year rush through my mind, and I struggled to grab onto just one before I drifted off.

The first kiss Garret and I shared, that day, in that classroom…

A/N: Deary me. My most heartfelt apologies. I have no excuse for the delay on this chapter, except that I lost all inspiration and all hope in my writing skills. And I'm pretty darn sure the drop in my writing is visible. But I'm getting back up there. Before August ends I plan to update everything…even One Step Closer fingers crossed Now, onto something I haven't done in many chapters.

Song: James Blunt – Out Of My Mind

:::::CountessDeLioncourt:::::

Dahaha, I barely even talk to you anymore ( I miss you /3 But if you're reading this, I still love you D. Sorry about the delay and wow the compliment that came with the last review. I doubt it but thank you! Enjoy.

:::::Elistar Alleyne:::::

You're going to murder me aren't you?! Well after you read the chapter of course, but you're going to murder me all the same eh!? I'm sorry, chalk this up to lack of inspiration, and the fear that I lost my talent for writing. With a little less than one month left for school, and English twice next year first semester, hopefully updates will be happening more and more! Enjoy, and please, if you must kill me, do it quickly! 3

:::::Hikari Of The Sea:::::

Ooh, a new reviewer. Thank you, I have fallen in love with Hope's character. Her personality is a lot like mine now, with a few tweaks here and there. Either that or I've spent too much time writing about her and my personality has become a tad like hers. That would be awkward haha, but she's a nice character all the same. I'm going to assume you won't like her pessimistic view because it suggests Garret and Hope breaking up…sigh. Enjoy the chapter )

:::::Little Mermaid:::::

D Knowing I'll always have you as a reviewer makes me a million times happier. This chapter doesn't necessarily have anything exciting in it minus maybe the dream, but there's not much I could do to it without starting over again. Who knows, next chapter, more possibilities D. However, her thought commentary should add a pensive twist to all this lol. Enjoy 3

:::::Dezi E:::::

Aw a new reviewer, and one that likes this story lol. You know to get back into the story I started reading the whole thing over again, and boy am I thankful my writing style improved. For the first six or so chapters I was kicking myself at how dumb the commentary was and how simple the plot was, not to mention cheesy. But the people love it, and I give the people what they want. Hope to hear from you again! Enjoy 3.

That shall be all for this story today.

Love always,

.soul.

) 3