To My Mother
by R.C. Carpenter

You want me to fail
Because I no longer want what you want for me
You want me to vanish
Because I can finally see past all your facades
You want me to be miserable
So that you can say you were right all along
You wish you had killed me
Back when you were in high school and had the option
You think I'm a failure
Because you failed to live vicariously through me

I don't care for your fake smiles
I won't return your emotionless embraces
I don't want your voice on my telephone
Reminding me of your lies

You wanted me to be
Everything you could not be
I never can be
Everything you gave up
For some guy you met at a party
I would never want to be
Something I don't believe in
I won't be your doctor, your lawyer, your cheerleader
I won't be your grandchildren's mother
Or your best friend in old age

I'm a bitch
I'm a whore
I'm an ingrate
I'm a freak
I'm a nerd
I'm following hopeless dreams
I'm a loser
I'm worthless
I'm dead
I'm not yours
To control any longer

11/25/02