Fear at school

At school, fear is different.

It's not the fear of heights or spiders.

It's the fear of being judged, the fear that every move you make is being analyzed.

You feel so self-conscious, so sure they are watching,

Even when they haven't even noticed you yet.

They make you feel like the way you walk, talk and the clothes you wear are all

you have.

Like your personality is dependant on what clothes you buy,

Not on how you act or spend your time.

Some people, like me, spend their money on what they think is more important,

like books, to improve your knowledge of the world and peoples thoughts.

It's the fear that if you try something new, they will laugh.

There is a saying; 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never

hurt me.

This is probably the stupidest saying I have ever heard.

I for one can take bucket loads more physical pain than I can an emotional wound.

My soul has a bleeding cut for every time someone has spoken a harsh word

to me even if it's only a game.

Because it's not. People tell you you're an ugly whore and then say they are joking.

But in your mind you wonder;

Are they right?

Or maybe you have a crush on someone and another someone finds out.

They tell the one you like. Who wouldn't?

And then the one you like teases you, makes you think they are interested.

Until they laugh and say they are kidding while you sit there, embarrassed,

because now everyone knows.

And what if you still like that person even though it puts you through torment

and pain?

Fear at school is when at home you walk around in cut-offs and tank tops while

you wear long pants and sweatshirts to school.

Because you still feel judged, you still ask yourself; If I wear this do I look fat?

Does it make me look sluty?

What will everyone think?

When the truth is you are beautiful no matter what you wear or how you look.

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.'

That is a good saying because it is the truth.

If you believe you are beautiful you will be.

It's hard to believe that when you think feel the judgements pelting you from every

corner of the room you are standing in.

And you know the people you feel are judging you?

Maybe they are;

But they could listen to this poem a thousand times and still not understand.

They would still make you feel judged,

Because some things never change.

And one of those things is the fact that some people think they are better

than you.

So don't think about it.

Just forget them.

And slowly the fear,

will disappear.

But at the same time,

It never will.

Me, for example.

I am constantly teased about reading.

Maybe you don't think you say or do anything but I feel it so obviously you do.

I try to forget, to think they are wrong.

But when it is so many its hard to believe,

That they don't really have the right of it.

I read to get away from them.

Sometimes to go to my own place where no one judges and the world isn't being

destroyed by the ones who inhabit it.

Sometimes it's to hide the tears that pour down my face at least once a day.

Do you cry yourself to sleep at night because of something that happened at school?
Or because of someone there?

I do.

Because when I close my book and turn out the light,

There is no longer a place to hide.

Not many people try to lessen anothers fear.

But to lessen the fear at school give someone a smile, pat them on the back.

Do something nice for someone once a day, someone you don't usually do something nice for,

and then maybe their fear will go away.

And maybe, just maybe they will no longer want to leave this world forever.

The End