Lágrimas

Another tender undertaking by AethraZip, AKA the evil-psycho-Terry-torturing-bitch.

EXTREMELY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE WARNING: Yaoi. Physical abuse. Psychosis. You suuuuuure you wanna risk it? . . Okie dokie then! Enjoy yourself!

AN: Well, I'm glad that for the most part you guys excused the suckiness of the last chapter. Hopefully this one will be better, but don't hold your breath.

At long last, Lágrimas is drawing to a close. This is the fifth, possibly sixth last chapter, so we're about two-thirds done. I hope you're all having as much fun as I am.

Retch.

Normally, the author doesn't hold with onomatopoeias, but there's no other way to describe the sound Caleb was making.

Retch.

He didn't . . . didn't even want to think about what had just happened, and doubted whether he'd ever be able to look Gavin in the face again. Certainly he didn't want to. God. God. God. Caleb had never been religious (in fact, his only even remotely religious acts tended to involve watching The Ten Commandments and, once, The Passion of the Christ), but at the moment he was wishing his relationship with God was a little better, because at least then he'd have someone to talk to.

Retch.

He was bent over the toilet, as he had been for the last half-hour. Gavin had gone just over said half-hour, and moments after he'd gone off to do God knew what, Caleb had bolted for the bathroom. He'd just made it to the toilet before everything had come back up.

Finally, finally, it had stopped. He was mainly dry-coughing now, and spitting up a little fluid, but the thick white liquid had all gone now.

Caleb shuddered and wiped his mouth with a length of toilet paper. He dropped it in the toilet and flushed again, flushed for the third time, the third time because oh God there'd been so so so much—

That did it. He had to throw up again, this time right into the water as it swirled down the dark pipe.

He collapsed against the tub, weeping and shaking. The chill of the porcelain hurt his bare skin (I feel so delicate so sensitive is this how it feels to die of shame), but he needed support, even from an inanimate object. He'd spent too long standing alone, and if this was his reward . . .

Please, please, someone help me . . .

His face was hot with tears and dribbles on his chin, the remnants of his last romance with the toilet. Still crying, he turned his face against the cool bathtub and kept it there until the porcelain grew warm from his heat.

"Caleb?"

Caleb's blood went Antarctic at the sound of his brother's voice. He forced himself into a sitting position and turned tear-bright eyes on his beautiful, sadistic brother.

He was beautiful. Caleb had never really noticed before. But there was definitely something in the arch of his eyebrows, the gentle arc of dark lashes, the deep blue eyes . . . evil was often beautiful, wasn't it? That would explain it, Caleb supposed.

Yes, Gavin was beautiful. More importantly, he was standing in the doorway, looking at Caleb with a mix of pity, compassion, and disgust. No anger, but that was nothing weird— Gavin tended to act like nothing had happened after an 'episode'.

Caleb sniffled and wiped at his face. "What?" he muttered, his face flushed with heat.

"You look awful." Sadness, care, a trace of amusement.

No, really? What did you expect me to look like, Cindy Crawford? "Oh."

Gavin stepped into the bathroom, a half-smile on his face and a strange glitter in his eyes. Caleb reflexively drew back against the tub, trying to curl into a little ball and disappear. Of course, it didn't work, and in a moment Gavin had him by the shoulders. He was pulled slowly to his feet, drawn close to Gavin for a brief minute (during which Caleb's heart thumped a rhythm worthy of drum lines everywhere), then pushed gently but firmly into the tub.

Oh my God, this is it, this is where he rapes me and then murders me, oh my God, my Go–

The thought was drowned out– literally– by a sudden deluge from the cold water faucet. Caleb choked, sputtered, and stared at Gavin in utter confusion. His brother smiled slightly, then said, "You're filthy. Wash up and go to bed."

Well. That was unexpected.

Caleb did his best to wash his face, then crawled up the stairs to bed. True to his nature, he cried himself to sleep.

As usual, nothing about the episode was mentioned the next morning. Caleb never bothered trying to understand Gavin anymore, and besides, today there was something more interesting: suitcases.

"What's going on?" he wondered aloud. Was Gavin going somewhere, or kicking him out of the house?

Gavin glanced up from the sofa, where he was eating a bagel and watching the news. "I'm going away on business," he said. "There's money for groceries on the counter. If you use the car, don't get a scratch on it, or I'll disown you. I'll be going as soon as Jeff and Brad get here." Jeff and Brad were two of his friends-slash-business associates.

Money? The car? "How long will you be gone?"

"Two weeks. Maybe three." A horn suddenly honked, shattering the silence. "Gotta run. Love you." He gave Caleb a distracted hug, grabbed the two suitcases, and left, leaving a very confused Caleb staring after him.

No Gavin for two, possibly three weeks?

This was good.

Very good.

So good, in fact, that he was going to just stand here and wish very hard that it wasn't a dream.

He was involved in doing just that when the phone rang, again smashing the peace and quiet into bite-sized bits. Caleb jumped a foot in the air, then glared at the phone. Stupid thing. Well, at least Gavin wasn't home, so if it was for Caleb he couldn't get in trouble. He answered it, still scowling. "Hello?"

"Hey, Caleb, it's Marissa. What's up?"

"Oh. Hi, Marissa. I didn't know you had my number."

"I didn't. I got it off Toushin. Anyway, I called to see if you wanna go to the movies Saturday. Toushin's being released from the hospital on Thursday on condition that he'll rest all Friday, and so Saturday everyone's going to the movies to celebrate. You in?"

Caleb considered. Gavin wasn't home, and that meant he was free to do as he pleased. Well, damn right he would. "Sure, Marissa. That'd be great."

"Great! See you in class tomorrow."

"Yeah. Bye." He hung up, and it occurred to him that he actually had friends again. Examining his thoughts, he realized he was happy. It was a nice feeling, one he wouldn't mind reacquainting himself with. He smiled as he went up the stairs to change for school.

The week passed quickly– without Brother Armageddon around, life was much more pleasant, and it is a basic rule of the universe that any enjoyable length of time goes much quicker than an unpleasant one. Before Caleb could catch the tail of Time (note that even the author has no idea what that means), it was Saturday, and Caleb was sitting on the stoop of his pretend house, since, though Toushin knew where he really lived, no one else did. Including Marissa, who was picking him up. Gavin had given him use of the car, but the Lunch Bunch (as he'd taken to calling them) carpooled, so he saw no need to waste gas when he could just go with Marissa.

Speaking of Marissa, he assumed that was her now, even though he'd never seen that particular car in her possession before. No surprise– Marissa seemed to have a bottomless supply of vehicles. All part of being rich, Caleb supposed.

A blue Honda paused at the curb, and Josh leaned out the open shotgun window, thereby confirming Caleb's assumption. "C'mon, Shorty, get a move on!"

"Coming," Caleb replied, getting to his feet and clambering into the car. "Hey," he said to everyone in general, and then, to Toushin, "Hi, babe."

"Hello yourself," Toushin replied, leaning over to kiss him.

"Oh, dear God!" yelled Ashley from the middle front seat, shielding her eyes. "It's bad enough that I have to watch Terrence and Jacob, but now I have to put up with Caleb and Toushin too?!"

"Ashley, darling, you sound almost homophobic," Marissa sighed.

"I'm not homophobic! But just because I'm friends with gay people doesn't mean I want to watch them sucking face! Nor do I enjoy watching you make out with Josh."

"Oh. So you're just jealous," spoke up Caleb.

There was a moment of surprised silence. Then Ashley whispered, "It . . . it speaks!"

Caleb rolled his eyes. "Not this again. Yes, Ashley, I can talk."

"News to me. When did this come about?"

"Fuck you."

"I think it would piss Toushin off."

"You're right," Toushin agreed. "It would."

Caleb sighed and settled against Toushin, enjoying the ride. He was free . . . at least for the next few weeks, and he was damned well going to take advantage of it.

AN: Okay. I know you guys probably all wanna kill me, and I don't really have an excuse... just, it's my senior year, so I'm doing all kinds of college stuff, and I have a job, and there's my music, and, and...

Fuck. I don't have an excuse. But, after just over a year's hiatus, here's Lágrimas chapter 13.

I'll be honest with you. It will probably be awhile before the next chapter is posted. Somehow I seem to have lost the fire I once had for this story... I'm trying to get it back, but so far it eludes me. However, I do know everything that's going to happen from here on out, and I should be able to get it all down by... the end of this school year, if all goes well.

Please don't kill me.

-Zip

11/15/2005 - "Silent Goddess" by Kamelot on MP3 player