Alright, alright, so it's not in the 'Humour' section. I just thought you Haiku-sters (ahem... 'writers of haiku') would appreciate it more. Just to make it legal, I'm adding an actual haiku in the guise of a second chapter. Ha!

P.S. If anyone criticizes anything about the technical aspects of this poem- the rhyme scheme, the metre- I will probably disregard it. This is meant to be completely stupid and silly. In fact, I should write more like it. Please review, anyway.


I Ku, You Ku, We All Ku For Haiku!

The trouble with being a genius
Is a problem with the mind
It never stops its searching
For the answer it must find

He's a fool who said that simple things
Are meant for simple brains
The opposite is often true
And it's driving mine insane

For example, just the other day
I thought my thoughts were done
'Till I was concerned by the word 'haiku'
And the term for more than one

At first 'twas such a simple thing
The answer must be impending
But then the truth dawned on me there
As I struggled with the ending

What is the plural of 'haiku'?
It plagued me all that night
Haiki? Haikues? Haikuses?
I refused to lose the fight

For three days straight I lay in bed
Unable to get to sleep
My prayer was that I'd find the end
And the 'hai' I prayed to keep

The second syllable chased me
My eyes were sleepless wrecks
Like an algebraic equation
I just couldn't solve for 'x'

My ego thwarted common sense
I shunned the dictionary
But still the last half escaped my lips
My pride grew customary

My soul was now in its clutches
That demonic syllabic beast
How could I escape its missing behind
If I refused to be released

Yet like a pill the curse wore off
And my obsession dropped and died
For the first time since Saturday
I enjoyed some peace of mind

I was glad to bear a failure
In years it was my first
But it was worth it just to laugh
At the banished 'Haiku Curse'

And so I went on living
With a crossword by my side
I though my brain was safe here
But my sensors must have lied

For here in dreaded black and white
My eyes are not amiss
Now they want the plural noun
Of the handheld game called 'Tetris'...

...Tetri, anyone?