Parallel (5-5-02)

Your eyes show me the way they made you tear apart your past;
I hope you've realized they can't break you.
Crazy, the way some people seem to think
that anything's just right for them if it's easy to get.
I found out that you're not like the rest.
Your hands move in ways I'm not sure of what to do with,
and your mouth can form the prettiest shapes.
I'm wandering along the lonely path of your stare,
but there's nothing there to see; I guess you're seeing me.
Maybe things will be forgotten once you're safely in my arms;
if you would just stop struggling and let me share your pain.
You speak of days embedded in your scarred and rugged memory and
I try to picture you without your mask of perfect talent.
The words come and I try to let you hear them,
but it's hard when you're so distant,
so lost in that alien world.
I ask you what you're thinking and
you glance at me, unsure.
You're scared to make it real because
you've never felt this way before.
I tell you to be careful because
you've seen some things I can only
Days come when you don't know what to do
in all your pain.
I hold your hand and listen and I
try to understand.
But your words fall on my ears
like pebbles on the ground.
They only make a pretty sound;
I don't really know what they mean.
When you see that I'm confused,
I know you're disappointed.
I know this because this is the face I see the most.
Your eyes get even deeper than they always seem to be;
the pools of darkness in them seem to swallow up your smile.
I don't understand.
I look away because you seem so sad.
.We found our hollow ground.
You just sit there and go away again
inside yourself.
But I just don't understand.
Why did they make you so cold inside?
Why won't you let me touch your face?
I wish I could hold your world in my hand,
then maybe I might understand
the way this darkness consumes you and carries you,
usually away, and usually far away.
It scares me and it makes me doubt that things will ever be the same.
Tell me so I can understand.
You lower your head and rest it on my shoulder.
I can't tell if those are your tears or mine.
Someday tell me so I can understand;
I don't like flying when we're not sure how to land.
You can't control your thoughts and I
can't control my feelings for you.
It seems like each dark secret I discover
sets me even closer and I'm more attached to you.
We sit here as the moon disappears
and reappears
and disappears again
behind a cloudy blanket that hides the stars as well.
You don't say anything so I let my mind begin to wander.
Remember that time you told me
"Love is fingertips on sand"?
I think you were a little drunk but
I still believe it.
And I still think of you when I see sand,
and all that sand.
I know I'm buried in you like I bury my toes in the sand.
But I still don't understand.
I think you've fallen asleep on me because
you're not moving anymore.
I hold you even closer and pretend we've got our dreams coming true.
I smile
only because
I'm the one keeping you safe,
and I hope you love me for it.
When that black sand reaches my neck,
I'll get out of here.
But until that day,
I've got you with me,
and you've got me with you,
and we can laugh about the day you didn't stop crying,
not once,
because you remembered everything again,
and I didn't know what to do.
How do your thoughts cut each other like that?
Why do you say you love me
and then leave me scared for you?
When can we stop hurting and stop believing?
I'm on a ride that's not safe to get off of,
but I don't know how to stay on.
I cry for you and you watch me silently.
I think you get even sadder when you see me.
I'm sorry
and scared
and angry
I think you are, too.
Your voice keeps me thinking you're okay,
but other than that,
all I can trust is my heart.
My eyes can see some depth
in your parallel universe,
but our paths will never cross because
we're going the same way.