"Yes well I killed three different evil warlords and collected seven different magical jewels."
"Oh yeah?! Well I won four different wars, lowered taxes and destroyed two planets!"
"Well I married 12 of the most beautiful and virtuous women ever known and none of them know about their fellows!"
"Well I fixed my kingdom's ozone and de-corrupted the government!"
Casting a withered glare in the direction of the Royal Table, Nelly plucked her lunch tray off of her head and plopped into her seat. In the never- ending cycle of bitter hero rivalry the princes of nearly every imaginable "kingdom" were arguing over their accomplishments.
"For once I'd like to hear something worthwhile come out of their mouths." Squirrelly grabbed her Sloppy Joe between her clawed fingers and sighed as the yelling grew steadily louder. "With all of their power and influences you'd think they'd do something cool, like write a "Final Fantasy For Dummies" book or something to that effect, ya know?" As she proceeded to chomp into her dripping pork masterpiece, her newly applied "Character Shield" negated the splatters created in the process.
"We can only dream Squirrelly, only dream." MK pushed her green beans around totally uninterested with the food that was being served. "Gods I need M&M's. Does anyone have change?" Shuffling sounds ensued as everyone at the table stopped eating and turned their pockets inside out.
"Sorry, all I have is a peppermint and some lint." Chibi sighed, returning her attention to the cheery table where the happy optimists of the world were giggling and squealing over the newest charities they had found to benefit. "Tharfz ver fat vint!" Meg tried to communicate her pocket findings but seeing as she had a mouthful of Karmi's goldfish crackers not much was caught.
Karmi, on the other hand, was an expert translator in gibberish. She spoke it fluently and had the plaque hung above her bed right next to her emergency room bracelet collection. Karmi turned from alternating between drooling over the comedian guys and chomping on goldfish crackers to inquire her fellow psyche ward patient. "That's where what went Meg?" Swallowing animatedly, Meg grinned from ear to ear.
"I found my bread loaf! I've been looking for it forever!"
To prove her point (which frankly would have been just as fine unproven) Meg pulled from the deep bowels of her back pocket a giant loaf of Iron Kids bread. Squirrelly was curious, Karmi was overjoyed for twenty-three seconds before resuming her drooling, MK raised an eyebrow and Nelly simply shook her head in a standard 'why-me?' gesture. Chibi didn't even notice, as she was too busy gagging at the cries of glee coming from the optimists.
They had just gotten $5 for the WorldWide Light-Bulb Rights Foundation. Poor mistreated light-bulbs.
MK groaned, laying her head on the table dramatically. "Need. M&M's.. can't go on. math class. too BORING!" As was typical timing, the bell chose that moment to ring. No, it wasn't bad luck. It actually CHOSE to ring that very moment. Stupid sadistic bell.
"Ahh great. Now we have to listen to that Mr. Smith drag on forEVER about equations and his luau trip in 97'! I CANT STAND ANOTHER SLIDE SHOW!" Chibi's eyes were wide and frightened, her head clasped between shaking fingers. Meg took a moment from eating at her bread to cast an understanding glance Chibi's way as she pat her back. "We know all too well. After all, we're in your class too. Remember?"
Suddenly Karmi perked her head up, a frown set lightly into her features. It was more of a pout but whatever the expression one thing was clear: she was confused. "But I thought I had gym next! Since when did I have math with you guys?" Squirrelly fished in Karmi's bag, triumphantly emerging from the deep dark depths with a small slip of paper. "Since forever!" She pointed to the period slot as they walked off to room #123.
Thoughtfully MK stroked her chin as she absentmindedly toyed with the straw hair of one of her voodoo dolls. "You know, I always wondered where you went. But don't you think the teacher would've sent you off to math when he checked his roster?" At this Nelly narrowed her eyes. She was deep in thought, a not too happy thought, and this meant bad news.
"I think the gym teacher has a crush on you Karmi." Pulling her remote from out of her bookbag Nelly hit the "Up the Stairs" button. She was immediately transported to the top quickly followed by all but Karmi. Karmi being, well, Karmi... she forgot to press the button and tripped on the first stair. This resulted in a rather painful faceplant on the other steps. A couple of angsty teen idols snickered at her as they went past.
Scowling, Chibi helped her up and to the top of the steps. MK shot a vicious glare in the idols' direction. "Which ones this time Karmi?" Sniffling a little Karmi ticked the names on her fingers. "Joey Yokes, Roger Flog and The Artist Formerly Known As Yon Previously Named Bob." She wiped her nose on her sleeve and walked bravely on whilst MK began to pull doll materials from her bag.
"So this gym teacher obviously needs to be taught a lesson. What should we do this time guys?" Squirrelly fiddled with a Tremors book as she and everyone else stewed over the different possibilities. "Well we can't do any of the old stuff. They already know how to protect themselves from the whole 'frozen water balloon' idea and the 'septic tank coffee substitute' ploy."
Out of the blue Meg snapped her fingers, a triumphant smile on her face. "I know exactly what we can do. We'll just take a stroll down Hall 17 and visit ye' old Mystic Wallflower. She knows everything that everyone else doesn't so you know what we can do?"
Five minutes of murmuring and hyper whispers insued as the girls formed a collective huddle. A few passing students and even cardboard cut out backdrop kids gave them weird glances but they thought nothing of it.
Rather abruptly they nodded, consecutively shouted "HOO-YAH!" and punched the air with their fists. More stares insued, but again they just brushed them off. Wild grins lighting their faces the deranged girls of Thursday Leftovers pursued their math class with a surprising amount of vigor.