7Tim looked around. He was in a plane headed to Iceland. He had stolen a ticket from someone at Disney World and scratched out England and put Iceland. Amazingly, the ticket collector took it. Apparently, these people didn't know that Iceland's airport had been destroyed. "Yo, Squeek." He whispered to the little hamster in his pocket. "Don't worry, they think you're a doll, so as long as you don't move a single muscle, no one will know okay? But if we do get caught, they'll throw you into a meat grinder, so no pressure, okay?"
Squeek moved to the back of his shirt pocket. "Squeeeeeeeeek." He said very silently.
Lieutenant walked out of the apartment and then looked at the clock on the wall. It read "12:22". "Mr. Booty?" said lieutenant. Silence. "Mr. Booty?" he walked down the stairs. A light showed up on the wall, it was coming from upstairs. He turned around and walked up the steps.
A door at the end of the hall was half opened, and all he could see was light. He walked towards the door and looked inside, he opened the door and looked around. The whole room was gay, Backstreet Boys posters everywhere, things (I dare not say what) were everywhere. "EEEE!?" shouted a squeaky voice that scared the lieutenant.
"What the hell!?"
"Get the fuck out of my room!" Peter shouted. Lieutenant flipped around. "EEEEE!" Lieutenant just did what his mind said, run.
Jill stood reading a magazine, everything was quiet around her, no business since Len had left. She then heard a low rumble, and then it stopped. "Damn it Len."
Tim stood up and looked around the plane. "Excuse me!" he shouted. "The plane is gonna explode! Go to the front!" they just sat there. He raised an eyebrow and then sighed. "BOMB!" Panic. Everyone went to the back of the plane. "Damn it! I said the front! Nevertheless. I have control of the plane! Hahahahah!" He looked at his shirt pocket. "Hear that Sque-"
A man behind him, "Freeze asshole!", cut him off. Tim turned around, his hands up.
"Damn it!" He thought slowly, about every move he would make, and his brain actually began to move, slowly though of course. His eyes were focused on the gun, and then the man, and then the gun, and then the man. "THERE'S A BOMB ON BOARD!" He shouted. The man dropped his gun and ran to the back of the plane, squealing like a baby. "Hahaha. Dumb ass."
He ran to the front and looked at the plane controls, and then at the ocean, which seemed to fly up at him. Then at the controls again, and then the ocean, then a memory hit him.
'You can beat this!' shouted Len. He and Tim were inside a peculiar white fuzzy outlined box, playing PS2. They were playing a flying game, and Tim's half of the screen was in pilot mode, and the pilots hands pulled the steering wheel down, and the plane went up.
In reality, he was drooling like a moron, and Squeek jumped out of his pocket, and then ran to the wheel. He climbed up the metal-like pole keeping the seat up and then onto the chair. He then jumped on the wheel, but it didn't budge. An idea popped in his head. "Squeek!"
Squeek ran over to Tim and ran to the back of his leg. He then threw himself against it, trying to push Tim over. Another idea. Squeek pulled up a pant leg, trying to get to his foot, but the oversized pants that Tim had to buy were in the way. He finally reached the end and saw Tim's skin. He bit the back of his ankle, throwing Tim from the peculiar white fuzzy outlined box to reality, and sending him forward, he jumped.
Tim then flipped around, his elbow hitting the steering wheel, sending it down, and the plane itself flew up, missing the water. "You son of a bitch!" he shouted. "What the hell was that for!? You almost sent us into the ocean when I had this peeerfect friken plan! Damn!" Squeek gave him a sarcastic look and jumped up into the chair beside him. "Okay. . . 'msoperfectandstuff, how the hell do we fly this thing?"
Len was in the Statue of Liberty, staring at the water, and a smart thought seemed to fly into his brain. "The water seems nice today," his mouth somehow blurted out. A lady beside him nodded and said-
"Yeah, it sure is good."
"Hey! Shut the hell up, I don't even know who the fuck you are!"
"You started the conver-"
"Lady, did I say shut the fuck up or not?"
"Actually you said shut the hell up, not shut the fuck up, I'm afraid."
"You're afraid of words, damn. . .you pussy!" he laughed.
"What are you talking about?"
"Wait-" he stared forward, and then at her, and then at the water. "The water seems nice today."
"Yeah, it sure is good."
"Hey!"
Lieutenant walked down the streets of New York. He was close to the game store and he was thinking of a stupid question to ask Jill. He reached the shop and went inside. "Hey guess what!"
"You found a job?"
"No! But I bet that's what you were thinking! Actually, I need to find a job. And I need to sit down, I've been walking around the same place for like three hours. Got a chair?"
"No, but there's a bathroom in the back if you want to sit on the toilet if you know what I mean." She flipped another page of her magazine. "Where is everyone today? I haven't seen a single person since Len left, and that's starting to freak me out."
"Pretzel?"
"Nah, I'm good."
Five hours later. . .on an airliner headed for New York, New York.
"What the hell kid!" shouted a man behind Tim. "You're going to fly into New York just because you have some friends there!?" The man was the pilot.
"That's the plan. Squeek said so." He was wearing jet black colored sun glasses, and ironically enough, it was nighttime. "Wait-damn it."
"We aren't supposed to have animals on this airliner." His voice was like a robot, and his eyes turned red. His arms went perfectly down the side of him, and his right eye twitched. "According to policy 9999999999901 you are in violation of the animal rights activist revolt that ended in the slaughter of three hundred hamsters on an airliner headed for Woodstock in 1979. Where is this Squak?"
"It's Squeek."
"Squak, Squeeak, Squee. . .kah. Whatever I got close enough just give me the damn hamster."
"If you cannot pronounce Squeeks name than Squeek has no business with you, eh Squeek." A silence occurred. "You don't have to answer that, ok?"
"Yes you do."
"Who you talking-wait. . ." he took off the sunglasses and hopped to the floor from the airplane seat. "How did you know that Squeek was a hamster."
"Uh . . ."
"You're. . .a raver aren't you?" he walked towards the man, who backed up.
"No. . .of course not. . ." he started a little giggle that barely began.
"Then. . .you wont have any problem with me throwing these away. . ." he took out a bottle of pills, and shook them twice. "They are the drug that causes most ravers to go into a deep trance likes state, and just dance to the music. Starts with an e, any guesses?"
"No-Of course not!" Tim shook his head slightly and got his CD player from his bag he'd brought on board. He put a CD in and put the headphones on. He shook his head yes again and then put his hand on the little revolving disk that controlled the volume. He smiled.
"Any guess what kind of music this is?" The man quickly shook his head no. "What about. . ." he turned the disk. The techno music was loud enough for him and the pilot to hear. "now. . ." he smiled. The man jumped forward, his head shaking, and he half tackled Tim. He stole the pills and threw the lid open and poured the pills in his mouth, chewing and swallowing. He then threw the headphones on his ears. It was techno.
Tim walked over to the emergency door and looked out of the window beside it. New York City, it was below him. He grabbed a parachute and then looked in his shirt pocket down at Squeek.
"Squeek, you gonna be okay, or do you want to jump?" Squeek hugged him. "Aw now aint that coot?" he said mispronouncing cute. "Too bad you're staying on board!" he laughed and put the little hamster on the ground. "Unless you can find a small parachute, then you're screwed. Trust me man I ai-" he looked out the window again. "C'mon man! Fly this thing down, you can do it!" he opened the door and jumped out.
Len was in the Statue of Liberty still, and was still staring at the water, and a smart thought seemed to fly into his brain. "The water seems nice today," his mouth somehow blurted out. A lady beside him nodded and said-
"Yeah, it sure is good."
"Hey! Shut the hell up, I don't even know who the fuck you are!"
"You started the conver-"
"Lady, did I say shut the fuck up or not?"
"Actually you said shut the hell up, not shut the fuck up, I'm afraid."
"You're afraid of words, damn. . .you pussy!" he laughed.
"What are you talking about?"
"Wait-" he stared forward, and then at her, and then at the water. "The water seems nice today."
"Yeah, it sure is good."
"Hey!" Wham, Tim had landed on the Statue of Liberties head. "What the hell?" Len stuck his head out of the window and looked at the body on the head of the Statue of Liberty. "Tim!?"
"Ow. . .you bastard, you left me at. . .wait, I left you here, so you should be calling me the bastard. Heh, I'm bastard!" he flipped over, and then he started sliding. "Wha. . ."
"Snap!" the head was about thirty feet long, and Tim was sliding down it. Fifteen feet till Len. "Maybe they wax this thing or something to make it slippery.
The night before. . .
"HEY! HEY!" said one of the men known as the Waxers. "You missed a spot!" he pointed the flashlight at a dull and brownish spot. His accent was French. "We don't want these FAT," his last word was strong and a lot of spit went into making it. "and stupeed, Americaans to know we made theese out of iron, no? He he he." The other Waxer quickly painted the spot green.
"Nice color sir." His voice didn't have an accent.
"I know, and we also don't want these FAT and stupeed Americaans to know we are ever living zombie French people that also stole Mona Lisa's eye brows!"
Mona Lisa's time. . .
Mona Lisa ran into her room and opened a box, and then at a mirror, she didn't have eyebrows. "DAMN IT!" She walked back into the room with a painter in it.
"So whata we gonna do here Lisa?" he said.
"I live in Jersey, I'm not an ever lasting zombie French person."
"It's every living, get it right."
"My bad."
Tim flew down past the window and grabbed Len's shirt. "What the hell are you doing Tim!"
"Hey if I'm gonna die you're going with me!"
"You little midget freak!" Tim stopped and looked up.
"What did you say?"
"Midget freak?"
"No. . . other thing."
"Little?"
"No. . ."
"You?"
"Me!? You're blaming me because you're a dumb ass stupid head?"
"Yeah! Who else am I going to blame, that lady I've been talking to for the last hour!?" Tim grumbled and said-
"It'd be an improvement!"
"I could drop you right now!" He pulled him up into the Statue's head. Tim shook his head and then replied-
"You better not!" he half laughed saying it.
"I will!" Len's hand was still stiff on Tim's collar. Tim started laughing, and Len stopped to look around. "You win this round midget." An idea popped into Tim's head and he smiled as he walked to the stairs. "Where you going?"
"Huh? Oh. . .where's that girl you're always with?" he was talking about Jill.
"Oh, Jill? She's at the shop we've. . .she's been working at for a while. You have any idea on how to go home and continue or destruction of the modern world?" Tim zoned him out as he thought about what he'd first said. Shop she's been working in.
"Where is this shop that you speak of?" Len pointed southeast.
"That way, about a mile, oh!" he reached in his pocket. He took out a GPS, a cell phone and a map. "Here's your GPS. . .your satellite reaching cell phone so you can reach anywhere in the worl-Damn it!" he dialed a couple of numbers. "Yeah, Domino's? Where are you located? Zimbabwe? That's good, can I have a double extra large pizza with cheese and pizza sauce on it? Yeah, it's to go. Can you put it in little doggy bags? I always liked those. No, no, put them in the doggie bags after you get here, yeah, yeah, Credit, yeah, yeah okay bye." He smiled. "They don't even know where I live, suckers, I always wanted to do that!"
"Pizza sir! That will be three thousand and eighty dollars with four cents as my tip!" Len slowly turned around, he saw a pizza man with the same exact pizza he had ordered in his hands.
"Dear god. . .Tim. . .back up slowly down the stairs. . .this is something not of this planet." He was speaking of how fast the Domino's guy had got there.
"Len, the stairs are behind the pizza guy." Len looked at the wall and then walked slowly to the window, his back to the wall. He grabbed Tim and jumped out of the window.
Jill yawned and looked out the window. A policeman walked by and then she walked from behind the counter. "Damn it, why'd lieutenant have to leave. . .?" she started to lock the store up. It was almost nighttime by now. "Blue Light Special my ass. . ."
"Open the damn door!" said someone from behind her. She turned around, it was a man in a ski mask, really jittery like. "Hurry up!"
"You are pathetic." He looked at her with a squinty eye. "Why don't you just shoot me eh? I know you want to. Come on, right in the head, right here in the smacker." She pointed to her mouth. The man squealed and ran. "Hahahah punk-ass bitch." Just another day. . .
Lieutenant opened the door to the apartment. It was empty. "What the fuck. . .Mr. Booty!" The fat man opened the bathroom door, naked. "Ah!"
"What ye want matey?" he had just finished taking a shower, the lieutenant guessed. He walked up to him and gave him a nuggie. "Aw, don't worry me mate, I aint a faggeh like me offspring. Oh, ye proble wanna know wha happened to ye room eh? I clearned er out. Ye out buttie! We's gots betta tenants now. Yep. Get the fuck out." He kicked the lieutenant, sending him down the stairs.
He got up, and then walked to the door thinking, "What the fuck is up with that family. . .?"
Len and Tim walked down the nighttime streets of New York City. The voice showed up again. "Yo, sup dog my homie g." Len didn't notice it as the voice at first. He just said, "Nothing my holmes."
Tim looked over at Len. "Yeah the 'Sox won last night. . ." the voice continued. "Red or White?" said Len. "The Red." Tim started to get freaked out. "Oh damn so what's going on?" Len yawned. "Nothing much, hey, guess what?" Len looked at his watch as Tim ran in front of him. He just kept staring forward. "What?" The voice laughed. "Do it."
Len tripped.