2Beach Barbie – Flip flops are nice and all, but there are a few times when wearing them just isn't appropriate. For instance, when you visit a national park. Yellowstone, it is a little bit understandable, because the main attractions are surrounded by these nice recycled plastic boardwalks, that are about like sidewalks. If you can walk a while in your flip flops without getting blisters, and don't intend on going anywhere but old faithful and the geyser walk, wear your flip flops to Yellowstone and have not a problem. But, you see, in the Grand Tetons, it's another story all together. You're hiking up some non-paved trails, that wind and twist around a fairly steep mountain! WHAT are these people thinking!? I pity their children.
Shopping Mall Barbie – High Heels… hiking? HAH! This isn't even semi-sensible in Yellowstone, more of less the Grand Tetons. This is made of entire stupidity… I not only pity their children, but their parents, and anyone that has to share their genetics. Rafting Barbie - I went whitewater rafting with my family down the Snake River. You would assume that you would get rather wet on a whitewater rafting trip. Indeed you do. As I was in the bus on the way to the place they started the trip, I noticed a woman sitting near me. She had an entire face of makeup on. Lipliner, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, the whole shebang. I bet she did it all extra special just for the rafting trip. At least it looked like it had just been done. She also had her hair curled in these cork screw type things. Where is the sense in this? WHERE!?
Banquet Ken – I like a guy that can look nice. But what I don't understand is when they look nice… when they're not supposed to. I don't like men that do that. When you're going to Yellowstone, in 102 degree weather, is wearing a dress shirt and a tie sensible? No, not really. Well, I saw a man doing this, as we were walking by lakes of boiling, steaming water. Real smart, man.
Winter Lover – This is much like the banquet ken. When its 102 degrees outside, you would think you'd wear shorts and t-shirts. Not this girl. This girl wears long pants, and a turtle neck sweater. Hm… real, real smart when you're waiting for a giant fountain of 200 degree water to spit out of the ground…
Goth Girl – I know it's cool to be bad-ass and scary, but is the Goth look every really sensible at all? Yes… maybe when the sun shrinks to half of it's size and all the clothing stores are wiped out and we're left with nothing but what we already are wearing and black happens to conduct barely enough heat to keep you alive while the rest of the world freezes. Yeah maybe it'd be good then… but until then, it's not really SENSIBLE. Especially not in the blazing sun at Yellowstone. I saw a girl she walked 20 feet to Old Faithful, turned around and said "Ugh its too hot" and walked back to her car.
Cowboy – Yes indeed, Wyoming and Montana are in the West, but we don't need a couple of old fat fully dressed for the horse wrangling cowboys walking around to tell that we are. No sense in wearing dark jeans, pointy cowboy boots, cowboy hat, and an old leather jacket to see the geysers of Yellowstone.
Old Biker Lady – This, though one of the ugliest, is one of my favorites. In the town of Jackson, Wyoming, just outside of Teton National Park, there is a bar called the Million Dollar Cowboy bar. You think it sounds rather cheesy, and frankly it is, but all the bas-ass retired bikers hang out there so it can't be. There was this one particular woman, who was extremely skinny, extremely saggy in the chest, and extremely old. She wore an extremely revealing black lace shirt and some extremely bad-ass biker boots. I'm glad her equally old, and equally ugly biker man thought she was sexy, cuz for the sake of the world I hope nobody else does.
The Strauss family Darwin Awards
[Okay… people didn't die doing these stupid things, but they're stupid all the same. For those of you who don't know what the Darwin awards are… look it up online before reading this. Or if you don't want to, they're awards for people who do stupid things and die in the act of it. Well.. these people don't die. Enjoy]
- Read all of the Senseless fashions. They belong on here.
- Making five-year-old kid stay in backpack carrier for an hour and a half in the sun. You know the backpack carriers that are for babies and younger toddlers? Yes… this is what a FIVE YEAR OLD was forced to sit in!
- Hiking without water. Enough Said.
- Letting kids run off the path (where there are signs that say it is unlawful and extremely unsafe to do so) where there are active geysers within three feet of where the dumb kids are. Come on…. Brain power people, brain power!
- Hiking with what looks like a 20 lb. Video camera. I understand this is a very photogenic moment… but is it worth hiking with that camera?
- Letting baby get sunburned! Poor baby!
- Getting out of car to see mother grizzly bear and her cubs. Hah! This is so stupid! They specifically tell you not to go near the bears! More or less a MOTHER BEAR AND HER CUBS! People are stupid! STUPID!
- Jumping off a dam. Okay this might seem OBVIOUS, but I was in Jackson Wyoming and they were reporting a kid getting hurt jumping off a local dam. They showed a video tape of the dam, and as they were taping it, there were OTHER kids, jumping off the dam! Not only could you hit something when falling, but dam's nearly always have big turbines that could instantly pull you under and slaughter you instantly. Sounds like fun. Let's go jump off a damn dam!