9I've often asked
myself why it hurts
so much.
You know.
Getting hit there.
Oh, it(they) has(have) many names:
sack, ball, ball sack,
nuts, huevos, marbles,
virtually anything round
that can come in pairs,
and if, like
huevos and nuts,
they have something to do
with procreation—if they
are seeds—then all the
better.
Anyway, the question still stands:
why does it hurt so much
getting hit there?
Well, looking at it from
an evolutionary standpoint,
there is a location of significant
significance.
If the entire purpose of breathing,
eating, dreaming is to pass on
one's genes (and,
if you think about it, it is) then
avoiding trauma to the testicular
area should be of prime importance
to a male.
Prime importance!
Imaginary scenario: there are two
troupes of the same monkey living
in the same forest with the
males of the first expressing the pheno-
type for the "Tenderness gene" or
T-gene. As a result,
these monkeys avoid,
at all cost,
slamming into trees crotch first,
losing balance on thin branches,
and if given the choice, would
far rather fall on their skulls
than on their monkey balls
if they were to fall out of the tree.
These are our ancestors.
The second troupe,
however,
does not express the T-gene
and as a result do not
avoid testicular damage, instead
drawing significant sexual pleasure
from acts such as hammering
mangos into their nether regions
(or the African equivalent of the
mango, rather) and tying vines
where they shouldn't and
leaping from the tallest trees,
much to the chittering chagrin
of the female members of
the group.
These particular monkeys die
out within a season.
Thus, survival of the
most sensitive ensures
that only those careful with
their testicles are able to reproduce.
Or it could all be a cruel
little joke
on the part of God that
when I was nine and
tried to climb over
a wall, I rolled
one of my nuts and
never climbed that wall
again.
It could
be
coincidence, but
I doubt it….