I was right. Doubt, confusion, disbelief, indifference, hatred, loneliness, and then oblivion. The steps on how to freeze yourself alive. I'm on last phase.

I just had to learn.

I've never felt so contented in my life.

Contented without having anything at all. They are all gone.

I just had to be thrown away like nothing one last time, before I really felt the pain.

The pain.

Pain? There was no pain. I guess I'm turning to ice, like I wanted to in the first place. I tried to think, to feel, but I felt nothing at all. Well, nothing but that contentment of not having to think of anything anymore. I just felt the weight go away from my shoulders. Now no one needs me, I won't fail anyone. I don't need to prove anything to anyone anymore.

You know how is it to be berated for thinking only of your goddamn self?

I just did. It made me smile. To think that I've wasted my life for so long, for what? Nothing. Look, they still treat me like shit, after all I thought I've done for them. All those years, thrown away like it was just a day. I have proven nothing at all. To them, myself, and anyone, nothing. Even after all this time.

What have I become? I don't know. But I have become this, and I want this. And I'm staying this way.

I drank my wits out last night. There's a reason for celebration. I'm finally free. Free from these chains that have restricted me for a long time, keeping me from living my life as I unconsciously wanted to, keeping me from growing. I am free, bounded no more.

The fear of losing something made me weak. Now I am not afraid. I don't have anything to lose now. Weak no longer.

I don't have to care of anything or anyone anymore. I just have to live. Survive 24/7, no matter what. Made me think of the 'Survival of the Fittest'.

"The strong shall live and the weak would perish."

In my case, well, I have to be strong to live. In any way I can, even if it means having to throw away everything. If I were weak, I would not survive. You can say my mind's really twisted, but it's reality. Being dependent on other people can cause you nothing but failure in the end.

But what would be my purpose for living?

I don't need a purpose. I just have to live. Nothing can break me. I can't afford to be broken. I will just do what I want to do, even if I don't need to. Even if it's just for the sake of my boredom's satisfaction. No one should care to stop me.

So you think I'm really twisted now? I can't blame you. You can't blame me either. Now I've proven what experience does to people. It can change you up to the point that you totally change, 180 degrees.

I can smile freely now, and no one cares if it's a real one or not. Even my tears have betrayed me.

You think this twisted mind only exists in movies and books? Think again. This one's true.