The Prayer of a Cheese Lover

Gouda's Prayer

I give to the God of Cheese, Gouda, my undying devotion. I swear that I will worship cheese and cheese alone. I promise to uphold the laws set forth by the Gouda when in public, and will make known my love of cheese whenever appropriate.

I swear to love cheese, and all dairy products. Cows are the mouthpieces of Gouda. We shall follow their example and graze in the pastures of goodness.

I will sing praises of the dairy gods, Cream and Milk and their followers whenever I shall meet them.

I will greet each new member of our religion with respect and love, as set in the laws of cheese worshipping.

I will not smite those who love cheese, even if they do not join the religion. For one day all cheese lovers will become as one and sit in the presence of our lord, in the kingdom of Dairy, Brie Land.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Moo.

Cream's Prayer

Cream, thou art the blessed Queen of Dairy and wife of Milk. Oh Cream, why must you die for the health of my body. Your creamy goodness is washed away. All that is left is skim milk! Dear, sweet cream, I still use you for my coffee. I promise I will never forget your reverence when thinking about the goodness and holiness of Dairy.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Moo.

Milk's Prayer

I give to thee oh Milk, King of Dairy and husband of Cream, my devotional prayer. You art the one that makes my bones strong. You help me to fight osteoporosis with your glorious calcium.

Oh most wondrous Milk, bless me with the goodness to help those who art lactose intolerant. Help me to understand their deprivation of your spirit and goodness. Give me courage to show them the wonders of lactose intolerant pills!

Most of all Milk, help me to treat my sister and brother cows with goodness and kindness. Remind me that they art the providers of thou. They need devotional hymns as well as thee.

I think of thee Milk, as I ponder the goodness and holiness of Dairy.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Moo.