A/N: Well, this was a spur of the moment thing written last night. I guess I have to explain some stuff.
The Knight of Faith and Knight of Infinite Resignation are existentialist concepts referred to by the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard in his book Fear and Trembling. The Knight of Infinite Resignation has a goal that he pursues relentlessly, although he knows perfectly well its impossibility. The Knight of Faith also pursues his goal relentlessly, while both knowing it is completely impossible and believing he will accomplish it.
The Knight of Faith
A nursery school report card.
"A shy little girl with a sweet voice, loves to relate stories about home."
The world falls apart.
The Knight of Faith gallops onto the scene, riding the white horse of legend. He pursues a cause he does not fully comprehend. A cause he knows is impossible, but cannot stop believing in.
A nursery school report card.
"Not as caught up with death thoughts. Relates many fears. Lacks confidence. Backs away from any trouble. Others speak for her. Fear of playing 'London Bridge.'"
The Knight of Faith gallops, across field and mountain, through forests and plains.
A five-year-old's drawing of a stick figure in a coffin. Colorful, clumsily rendered flowers adorn the scene. The shaky handwriting of one who has not yet mastered the pencil reads "I LOVE YOU PAPA"
And the Knight of Faith goes on and on, never stopping for a rest, knowing that what he attempts will never be accomplished, yet somehow still believing.
Perhaps two years later. The handwriting is still shaky and unsure, sloppy, and careless. This time, it is a letter. "Dear Santa, I have been partly good this year. For Christmas, I would like lots of books and my Papa back!"
The Knight gallops more slowly now. The terrain is growing rougher.
A sleepy, childish voice quavers out an ancient rhyme: "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight." She squeezes her eyes shut, as if the intensity the wish is made with matters. But she wishes the same thing each time she sees a star-whether at a gas station, a restaurant, or in her own backyard
The Knight of Faith is growing disillusioned. His once-bright banners hang tattered and fade. Without realizing it, he is becoming his hopeless counterpart-the Knight of Infinite Resignation.
He plods slower and slower, until his transformation is complete. He is a Knight of Infinite Resignation, and now fully realizes he is bound to a task he can never accomplish.
Then the whispers...whispers of a black butterfly…phone calls with no one on the other end. "You know that means someone from the dead is calling you!"...Then the words come, almost unwillingly… "Leave me alone! It's been twelve years!" The voice fades to a whisper… "Just leave me alone, please." But it cannot be put to rest. The finally healed wounds will reopen, the trauma that destroyed the child is returning.
And somewhere, the Knight of Faith, banners bright, gallops once more.