5Smiled genuinely each torturous day
So overwhelmingly wonderful and new
Yet as I collapse unto my welcoming bed
I vaguely recognize this acid upon my cheeks
I raise my hand to meet my burning cheeks
Surprised to feel moisture streaming down them
I had almost forgotten the head throbbing
The pathetic sniffles, muffled; so as to not be heard-
A day of utter perfection, nothing all too daunting and yet
I'm still going to cry myself to sleep tonight, tonight and forever
But, I'm so happy now, why, why tears must you fall?
I scream loudly into my pillow, this is frustration
I stifle my tears by sheets and blankets, this is sadness
I follow each shadow around the room, this is fear
I hug my pillow with all my strength, this is loneliness
And as soon as darkness turns to dawn, I'm fine once more
I still stride head held high, smile wide upon my face
Yet as night falls I yet again collapse onto my bed
And wonder aimlessly about the day just past
I'm not pleased with the way I've lived today
I must've done something wrong to cry like this
So I poke and prod at myself, searching for an excuse
Never realizing I'm only fathoming more insecurities-
A day of utter perfection, nothing all too daunting and yet
I'm still going to cry myself to sleep tonight, tonight and forever
I'm so happy now, why, why tears must you fall?
I scream loudly into my pillow, this is frustration
I stifle my tears by sheets and blankets, this is sadness
I follow each shadow around the room, this is fear
I hug my pillow with all my strength, this is loneliness
I laughed guiltlessly today, all day for that matter
The once depressed and ever so cynical has gone
Gone and joined the "dark side" now
But I did it; I smiled for every passerby
Yet, as I set foot upon the painful sidewalk
And begin trudging my way back home
Each stride causes waves of pain throughout me
Step by step my defeat grows larger and larger
By the time I've reached my doorway
I'm entirely deflated, like a week old balloon
My fingers shake violently as I extend my hand to the brass
I feel the cold unwelcoming metal beneath finger tips
Slowly swinging the door to Hell open in one quick motion
Inhaling my last deep breath of freedom until the new day arrives
I race towards my room and slam the door shut
Was I detected? Did the warden hear my arrival?
I scream loudly into my pillow, this is frustration
I stifle my tears by sheets and blankets, this is sadness
I follow each shadow around the room, this is fear
I hug my pillow with all my strength, this is loneliness
"Tomorrow will be different..." I reassure myself
"You've got no reason to cry anymore!" I remind
"Smile, you're so beautiful." I try and convince
Yet it all just seems to be second nature
As the lights go out, my vulnerability returns
It's just the way life has always been
I find myself that small little curly haired child
Still afraid of the boogie man and monsters under the bed
I lie awake at night and just watch the tears silently stream
I fight and try and reason them away and yet still they fall
So I've surrendered now, I can no longer fight this fight
Tomorrow is another day of smiles followed by a night of many tears.
I'm so happy now, why, why tears must you fall?
A day of utter perfection, nothing all too daunting and yet
I'm still going to cry myself to sleep tonight
-I scream loudly into my pillow, this is frustration.-