2"It doesn't-gack-hurt, Nik! What are you -gag-talking about? It's just a- hack-blockage of the-gruuuugh-trachea! I'll be fine-urrrgkh-I'll just need -ugh-some aspirin!" Dark responded, not about to admit weakness.
"Huh. Fine. You'll thank me later," Nik grinned and impaled Stuart (who, if you'll remember, was strangling Dark) with Richard, her laser sword thingummy. Then she shot him in the head with William, her machine gun. Surely, you remember how they were named Dick and Willy, in the first chapter.
As Stuart wallowed, having been, after all, shot, Dark began to say "You'll be fine, Stuart. You just need-" He was cut off by Nikolai.
"Let me guess: he'll need aspirin?"
"No... Ointment..."
"What? Bubu... gruugha... Fuumuu... Mootoni... I'M CONFUSED!" Nik yelled, jumping up and down like a small child having a fit.
She flew away. Not by choice, Dark had just gotten bored of her company. After all, there was only one girl he could stand to be near, and even then, it was only when he could be assured of some nice tonguing. Or if there was a discount in the Kok district. Never mind. Man, Focus on the Family is gonna be after me for that one...
Where was I? Oh yeah. Dark had yelled "Funkie Wave!" And, well, funkied Nikolai into the air, where she flew quite a long way away. Probably into a river. I don't care. Don't bug me about it.
You still want to know? Meanie! Ah well, okay. ..
She fell into an enormous pothole on Socialist Drive (branching off in the intersection of Communist Avenue and Amish Street). There, now stop having a fit. Back to Dark.
Dark Happy turned to his "little brother" happy happy. "So, you were a highway robber, eh? There may be hope for you yet!" He said, ruffling happy happy's hair.
Don't think that was an expression of affection. Dark kept his hands covered in gasoline for just that purpose. He grabbed happy happy's left ear and pulled back to toss him into the burning mess previously known as the Purple House, but suddenly. ..
"Stop that!" a yell came from behind him. Dark turned to see a fat, balding cop, holding a gun to Dark's face.
"You're under arrest for child abuse, throwing people helluva far, and arson!"
"Actually, the fire wasn't my fault," Dark corrected, and returned to his rearing up for tossing happy happy.
"A- That doesn't matter! I'm placing you under federal arrest! Now stick out your hands so I can cuff you, shorty!"
Dark did as he was told. He was a tad gun-shy, as anyone who bothered to read chapter one would know.
Ten minutes later, the group (Dark Happy, Mephistopheles Happy, Ice Happy, and happy happy) was locked up on the monorail. They were about three cars from the back (The "Murderers, arsonists, child abusers, religious fanatics, and people who ask stupid questions at comic book conventions" car) and all alone.
Most crime had long since become either accepted as normal behavior, such as making love in the street or watching Saturday morning cartoons on a regular basis, or had all such criminals finding out ways to continue without ever being found out, like prostitution or being Smurfs, so there weren't exactly many people left to arrest.
"Well, it looks like we're in for the long haul, guys. Anyone know any good word games?" Dark asked, praying (in a nonreligious way, of course, he didn't want to be arrested again) that at least one of his companions had been pulling his leg the whole time and actually was smarter than dirt.
"You stupid cracka'! It's your jazz that swolled us in the hole!" Mephisto yelled, reaching out to hit Dark.
After about twelve seconds, he realized that his hands were cuffed and couldn't move more than a few millimeters from each other, and indeed himself, without extreme physical exertion. He settled for kicking Dark's pelvis.
"It was not my fault! You were the one setting the building aflame! I think!" Dark said. I'm too lazy to read back through the chapters and check who it was.
"What happened to tha ho, anyway, cracka'?" Mephisto asked, (probably) referring to Ton of Happy.
Dark thought back. He had been really too busy trying to gnaw his handcuffs off to care.
"I think. .. I think they said she wasn't a threat, but then decided it'd be best to at least punish her for rolling with such a crowd." Dark was pretty sure that was how it happened.
"Then where is that ho, sucka'?" Mephisto pressed.
"I don't care! I mean I don't know! Probably in that giant, suspicious- looking box labeled 'DANGER: BOX CONTAINS POSSIBLE THREAT TO HUMANITY IN THE FORM OF DEADLY EVIL CAT-GIRL OF DEATH AND EVILNESS AND OTHER STUFF' over there." Dark pointed.
Sure enough, on the inside, Ton of Happy was philosophizing, brandishing her steel-bladed fan of destruction, and. .. probably having big fiery things in place of her pupils, or whatever happens in anime when people get peeved.
I actually typed "peeved" in context. I am the biggest dork ever.
Anyway, after about 15 minutes of cutesy, only-barely-humorous verbal tradeoffs, the Monorail came to a stop in the government district. A porter walked through their car, ushering them out.
"We have now reached the government district. Please leave all tips for me in my hand, or else I will not let you out," The porter announced in an oddly androgynous tone. A gang of East German atheletes promptly walked in, grabbed the Danger Box "crowd-surfing" style, gave the porter thirty euros, and walked out, loading the box onto a big floating thing that promptly flew away, probably to a meat packing plant. This is one time I won't tell ruin the suspense, and you'll have to wait for the next episode, sucker.
Dark and his cohorts, meanwhile, were walking off the mertorail by choice. Well, technically. People behind them were shepherding them out with cattle prods, but that just provided reason to NOT go BACKWARDS.
"A'ight, so this is the load of potaytah chips I ordered?" a portly man (portly is just a nice way to say 'morbidly obese' here) standing just outside, asked the cattle-prod-bearing group whilst stuffing his mouth with pork rinds.
"Ah. .. No sir, these are the convicts, they're here for more important reasons. .." The an standing furthest forward stammered.
"NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD!" Tubby screamed, throwing the pork rinds at the man (don't worry, he had a bag of cupcakes in his other hand), "NOW SAY IT!"
"Ow! Okay! Nothing is more important than food. .. But these guys are here for your job, and so if you do your job, you get cash for more food!"
"Really! HOOWAYFUL! Send them up to my office, I'll deal with them after my potaytah chips get here." The portly man glared, and returned to stuffing his face (which, I'll add, weighed 20 lb. alone).
"You heard the man. Move along!" The frontward man ordered, pressing everyone into the lobby of the largest building anyone could see.