1Short history of pain
I don't exactly understand what my parents think of me as in the first place. I know for a fact, that I don't mean much to them. My dad's not an alcholic. My mum's not an evil woman. I do love them. I'm supposed to... I'm their child... it's what children do- love their parents. Doesn't really mean that the feeling has to be reciprocated. I'm an only child. I didn't use to be. I had an older brother who died in a freak accident when he was only four. I don't remember him much; I was only two and a half at the time. I'd be wrong to say that this greatly affected my parents. They never mention him or anything, and it was almost as if he never existed. I figure that, being the one left, they tried to put all their effort into shaping me into a good child with all their doting love and care. I've wondered what life would have been like if Luke hadn't died. He'd be the one pushed to be perfect. I wouldn't have to be perfect at all, and I could have been one of those teens who jsut waste away under the ignorant parents' eyes. Had that happened, I'd be on drugs right now. How ironic. I'm on drugs as it is... though, not in an illegal sense(yet). I would've been... you know. One of those typical oppressed teens. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself again.
The first I ever heard about Luke was when I was THIRTEEN. I had vague memories of a little boy around the house when I was a toddler. I finally asked mom when I was something around eight years old.. but she brushed it aside as some sort of hallucination. I must say, I think that the only reason she told me about him, was because she was forced into it. It was the day I met my paternal grandmother for the first time ever. She lived all the way in Newcastle (that's this city in England), and hadn't made contact with dad for over fourteen years. Apparently, they'd had some ancient dispute over dad's decision to change religions to marry mom. I'm pretty sure dad still holds a silent grudge, even now. Anyway, the moment my grandmother walked into our house, she asked where Luke was. Mom's mouth shaped into a perfect O, and Dad looked straight at me. I was halfway down the stairs and could see the entire scene. Midge (as was the name of my newfound grandmother) was looking at me in confusion. Dad set one of his oh-so-obviously-fake smiles on his face and came over to take me by the hand and introduce me as his 'little munchkin, Eisha'.
"Oh. I... I'm so sorry sweetheart. I never knew you had another child, Donald. Is Luke at University now? He must be; it's so silly of me. Hello... Eisha.. was it?"
I couldn't do much more than stare at her dumbfounded. Who the heck was this Luke? What did she mean by referring to me as 'the other child'? Who was this lady anyway? She sort of smelled like old cabbage. Actually, I don't really kow what old cabbage smells like ('cause I'm not stupid enough to smell some rotted cabbage- DUH), but supposedly, all old dislikable ladies smell like old cabbage and cats. She did smell funny. I shot back to reality. Her old wrinkled hand was hovering somewhere in front of my navel. What was she doing? I looked at the odd little hand, seriously confused. I looked up at her curiously. DAMN! She was waiting for my to shake her hand. I'm such an IDIOT sometimes.
I took her hand and shook it nervously. Now if there's one thing you have to start learning about me, is that, when I get nervous, I start talking- FAST. I couldn't really help the next words that popped out of my mouth.
"Who the hell is Luke?"
I bit down on my tongue the moment I said it. For one thing... swearing to your grandmother? And secondly, the old lady FROZE. I would've knocked myself unconscious, had I the chance to. Did she really take it that seriously? I was so worried, I didn't think of looking up at my mom's petrified expression, or my dad's pale face. The longest silence followed. It was broken by the harsh unpleasant laughter of Midge.
"You young people- always looking for a new way to pull an old woman's leg. I don't understand the people your age on the television at all these days. Although, I must say... back in the day, if we had lads as fine as that Gareth Gates..."
I cocked my head to the side. Who the hell was HE?
She waved her hand in front of my face and laughed away. Mom and dad looked like they were ready to be buried or something. I frowned and stuck my hands in my pockets. I was so confused. Midge soon managed to compose herself.
"Well Micheal, at least this one looks like you! You must show me some pictures of Luke, I've been wanting to see how he's grown"
I stuck my lip out. WHO was Luke? I wanted some answers, fast. But before I had a chance to do anything, Mom pulled me to the kitchen and Dad distracted Midge. This was going to be short and brutal. Mom made me sit down at the kitchen counter, and got me a glass of water with some Advil. Advil. The solution to every problem in the world. She sat down across from me and looked me straight in the eye. And here, is what she said, word for word.
"Eisha. You had a brother. He was around 2 years older than you. He died when he was four. Granma doesn't know he died. His name was Luke. He had brown hair and green eyes. "
It was that short and simple. No lies, no emotion.